i have returned

ah internet... as i have yet to master the concepts of space, time and what day of the month it is...
i have returned in all my glory and splendour 7 days earlier than previously stated. sorry for the miscommunication from my brain coil. he has been punished.

carry on then...

afghanistanisia was well received... those receiving it assuming it took much *much* longer than the month it actually took to complete. since i am shy, all i could do was smile but inside i kept repeating...."praise me... praise me! for i am the great me! master of all wooly (okay okay... 80% acrlyic... 20% rayon or whatever... jeesh) projects! praise me and my master-y-ness!"

megalomaniac much? (*she's a maniac... maniac that's for sure*... you know the tune)

handmade gifts for ALL next year. i have spoken.

anyway. so. i had a fabulous giving-receiving christmas. and of all the great, fabulous, awesome, powerful fantasmagorical, scrumdelicious presents i got... three are of worth mentioning value.

a) picture my extreme delight when i received #1 of the most awesome... you get the picutre... gifts... not #1 because it's the top... i just got it first.

you must now bow before it's goodness. go on... i'll wait... are you done bowing yet? okay... let us proceed.

i am so completely and otherworldly psyched to start each and every single project in this book. but alas... as i live on an island in the middle of a vast ocean... for some reason they do not sell wool to us wool lovers and i am forced to make inferior products with inferior materials. so i have to wait *weep* for someome to go to boston and buy me fabulous wool... also... said someone is the same someone who bought me the fabulous book of fabulousness. albeit she has alterior motives... none the less. i *love* you stitch'n'bitch...

2) the second gift which i received which is just great... was a duel purpose present. please see here for further detail and images.

br was so thoughtful and so tired of our 10 inch pagnasonview (hehe... simpsons throw back) that he got that for us, along with 2 dvd towers that hold 60 dvd's each. although we have much more than 120 dvd's. we will soon be having a 3rd hand dvd sale... as much of our movies were bought after having been rented out to sticky handed viewers. they feel so cheap and dirty but we loved them just the same... *key word is love"d"*

c) last but certainly not least... the much unexpected...

... that my parents *rephrase that... my mother* got me... he is currently nestled quietly beside my pc charging his batteries. he was very tired after having waited to be mine for so long. i dressed him in blue. he is happy. i think anyway... the manual said to charge him for an hour... i swear he's been plugged in for longer but the screen is still saying do not disconnect and flashing that wonderful sign at me and i fear for his life.

i shall name him el mariachi after the antonio banderas el mariachi, not the original el mariachi.

anyway. it's getting late and for all my toil and trouble i have stuff to do. it's just me for the next three days and as exciting as that sounds... it's not really that exciting at all. i need more work friends but i don't like the people i work with. catch 22.

*update*: i have since found out that there is another yarn store located on my island somewhere that is in a very inconvenient place but i will be visiting it as soon as i get five minutes to take the half hour drive and find it. yay local wool!!

i have also saved *el mariachi* from certain death. apparently i didn't download the programme properly so i had to do it again. he is currently happily playing music for me with his musicy goodness.

happy holidays internet

happy every holiday that is between now and when i get back in january...

i get back on january 3rd. i will be internet less all weekend.

i'm crying inside.

please eat *lots* of food and please really enjoy family.

i will miss you internet...

au revoir! until we meet again...

"happy holiday's internet... i've heard that some fat, red.... jolly man is supposed to be trying to break in here sometimes... where did i put that rifle..."

afghanistanisia report

very quickly... i would like to show you my afghan. it is the bane of my current existance.

also very quickly, i would like to say my "reliable" (yes please see me diubg vicious air quotes" scooter, rosco, cut out on me today when i was on my way to a meeting for a story that i'm doing. i was in heels. i had to walk ten minutes down a very narrow major road with lots of bends. i was almost late.
then i had to wait half an hour for a stoopid cab. but i spent money today so all is good.

anyway. afghan:






this is how afghanistanisia began. as a square and a dream.












these are the *squares* of afghanistanisia... you see they are taking shape. fifty three freekin squares. i hate them now





ahh... the beauty that is the fruition of afghanistanisia... isn't it... fabulous? okay so i'm not finished the bloody thing yet but it's almost there. i need one more row of squares and then to do a decent border... i was thinking it should be scalloped, like the middle beige square? might give it a nice look... please bow to the wonderfulness that is afghanistanisia...

inspired

this is relatively quick and painless but monkey hath inspired moi to adopt my own pet... considering i've been to gosh darn lazy to go out and get that fighterfish i so dream of... for my desk... at work...

please play with him

friday is date night...

yep. that's about right. and since br was working, i cozied up to a lovely chilled bottle of beringer white zinfandel (unsophisticated? or quick drunk... uh huh) and me and naps palled around abit wrapping presents.

drunk wrapping is physically taxing.

drunk skylarking with the cat is even more harder... because he's got all his wits about him and i ... well obviously i didn't.
but i did manage to get most of my presents wrapped without incident... however i left a price tag on one and br had to unwrap it and remove the offending sticker.
even when i'm drunk i wrap real good...

and what is a present wrapping session without wrapping the cat up a little i ask you... what? so i put a pretty festive bow on naps. okay... it took me two attempts but eventually (when he was groggy and half asleep) i managed to tie it and take some pictures. some decidedly upside down and out of focus pictures, but pictures none the less.

(side note... while i'm working on this i'm eating my linner (that's lunch and dinner)... it's one of those lean cusine meal things. it took forever to cook and the chicken meat substitute is kinda gross... but i'm hungry so i'll eat it anyway. that is all. carry on with your regularly scheduled reading... or vouyerism... which ever floats your boat)

"look lady... you, your camera and your pathetic crocheting are going to have to suffer my flailing limbs if you don't get the &%^*!!! out of my face!

he admitted defeat and accepted the lovely cream bow that i tied on him. he didn't realise it i think, until a little while later... heh... i'm sneaky like that

i make a cameo in this one! i was trying to be all mariah carey into my wine glass (hence the hair) but you know how it is... when you're drunk and you think you are what you really aren't. you can see the very appreciative look on naps face... i put the camera upside down so i could get this one... the others kinda make me queasy so i won't subject you to them. one thing you probably can't notice is how *red* my face is... i get really hot and red when i drink... very... i dunno something-ish.

eventually he figured out how to get the bow off and chewed it to bits, much to my chagrin.

then on saturday night i went and painted the town an interesting shade of orange- it were my best friends company xmas party and to save her from ruining her night with her...*cough* man (and i use that term as loosely as humanly possible) i went with her instead of to br's party that woulda been mug anyway.

she got more drunk than me...

and i'm still wiping glitter off my eyes. it's such a shame that i *love* sparkly stuff... so so much... sparkle sparkle sparkle...

as for the xmas present hunt... i'm still working on procuring the last few straggler gifts that are nagging at me. my parents are having their 30th wedding anni tomorrow night so i had to go get presents for that as well as presents for my mom from my dad for that... how wonderful am i???

yes. bow to me, give me every award imaginable i am *super* daughter...

and the handmade stuff is coming along... i ran out of wool *gasp* part way through making the afghan and because it looks so... uh... amature? i haven't taken any pictures yet because *i don't want anyone to see it*

and i got my knitting hand back... (see. i bought all this knitting stuff for my mom including a book with 99 stitches and needles and being the... less than super daughter that i am i totally bogarted and used her stuff *sheepishly* but i pledge to buy her more and not give her what i've already used... cuz that's totally lame... right?)

but yea... i started working on a scarf for br. it's cream but he likes that colour ;)

anyway... i'm going to go do some more xmas work... as santa's bitch i don't get to sleep

today's jumble

the scrambled word game!

this is courtesy of tribume media services inc. 2005 (c) don't let them know i am borrowing it... kay?

unscramble these four Jumbles, one letter to each space, to form four ordinary words

fruom: _ _ _ _ _
angld: _ _ _ _ _
naumut: _ _ _ _ _ _
phisol: _ _ _ _ _ _

now arrange the letters in the red spaces to form the surprise answer, as suggested by the cartoon

answer: a "_ _ _ _ _" _ _ _ _

please ignore the fuzzy quality of the cartoon... my camera was not being cooperative this morning... sigh... the singer at the top is saying "let's listen to our tapes and improve our tone"...

for more jumble fun... visit www.jumble.com... please don't hate me because it is annoying. i am just the messenger

blue collar working class house wife comedy

i remember the first time i saw this exchange and laughing like a hyena until i cried and couldn't laugh anymore because my stomach hurt so much...
rosanne may be harsh and unwieldly but she's got that grating wit about her that sometimes... just plain fuckin kills me... kills me! it translated into great tv... if you liked that kinda thing

rosanne: [jackie and rosanne's father has just died] okay, that's it. i can't do it anymore, you call the rest of the family list.
jackie: i can't call people, roseanne!
rosanne: jackie... dial!
jackie: i'm supposed to be in mourning!
roseanne: well then wear a veil over your face while you do it!
jackie: [dials the phone] hello, auntie barbara? it's jackie... jack-key! yes. i'm fine... fine!... i'm fine!... i got some bad news... dad isn't with us anymore. i said dad has passed away... he's passed away!... dad is gone... dad's dead!... he's dead!... no... dead!... dead! dead!... no he's fine, he sends his love! [hangs up]
jackie: i'm not doing that again, you can't make me!

funny rosanne quotes courtesy of this site...

"hate me" day

i'm having a "hate me" day.

i'm down in the doldrums... feelin' a little under the weather... to say the least- i hate each and every little thing about myself and my life right now. okay, okay... not so specifically everything but a broad and general everything that just tends to make me feel all "i wanna go home and hide under my covers until all my problems are solved".

you know that feeling?

why, you may ask, are you feeling so "i wanna go home and hide under the covers until all my problems are solved"?

well, i would reply to that question, it's just been one of those days when everything seems to want to go completely and horribly awry. yes... awry.

one of those days when you look at yourself in the mirror and feel that all the work you've been doing, the calories you've been cutting, etc. etc. etc. have done nothing to make you look or feel better about your physical appearance so you hold back a tear or two and shove your ass into the baggy pants and head out the door feeling like some sort of baggy unattractive lady in baggy fat pants.
one of those days where you have to take the company team photo for the paper to wish everyone happy holidays and you realise how hideous you look in the picture and want to crawl into a hole and die because of it but you can't ask for a do- over even though there are only two people in the picture (yourself included) because the photographers are nit-picky cranky-pants pains in the asses and don't think that anything they do is bad. *hideous* i tell you... the camera ads ten pounds! i swear i take better pictures of myself.
one of those days where you want to buy a good pair of pants cuz you really only have two good pairs of pants at home and the only pair you can find that looks good are the pair from benetton that are $95 and you feel guilty buying them because it's christmas and you're boardering on poor and you should be saving the money for the umpteen xmas presents that you haven't bought yet and the credit card bill that is slowing creeping towards being maxed.
one of those days where you go into your local yarn shop (of which we have probably, 2- 2 per 65,000 people. this is bull shit, man, bull shit!!!) and you realise that they don't have the last two colours you need to complete your almost completed afghan but you need the two colours because you just don't have enough to complete it but they won't be getting any in until the new year. well... that's all good and well but said afghan is a christmas present and christmas is next week i'm not talking about next year christmas i'm talking about nine days from now christmas, you know the one that everyone is going absloutely and completely crazy because of? right... that one... you get where i'm going with this...

anyway. yes. you know those days? i'm having alll of those days in one today... so i ate a thick piece of the worlds best chocolate marble pound cake to try to make me feel better...

but how, you are now asking, are you going to feel better from eating a piece of cake when you are trying to make yourself feel better and lose weight? isn't that a little... backwards or something?

and yes, i will tell you, yes. it's backwards... it's fucked up. i'm a walking catch-22. i'm not happy because i think i'm fat so i eat to feel better but it makes me more unhappy to be eating.

the world is a circle people. it was made like that for a reason. to symbolise the fact that *everything* in life is circular. circular circular circular... it's all circles...

and now:

circles.

things i've noticed

• thanks to miss kendra, i have developed an obsessive potty habit that consists of several steps: step into stall; lift seat with toilet paper; be careful that clothing items do not touch any surface of bathroom area; not touch *anything*; shut lid with toilet paper flush and run; wash hands twice; sanitise hands with handy sanitiser situated at desk

i've also noticed that sometimes when i have to go i have performance anxiety and i can't so i go back to my desk and realise that *now* i have to go so i look *really* stoopid walking back and forth... smile and nod people, smile and nod.

• because i do not touch anything on my visits to the porcelin playground, i have very strong legs :D
• my hair looks fabulous today... i mean really really fabulous.

the curl gods must be on my side or something, maybe it's the great green sweater i got from h and m and they are just applauding my uber fashion sense abilities or something

• i wish i had mariah carey's pipes... she's got awesome pipes... and her voice ain't half bad either. i mean i'm saying like, my voice isn't so bad that dogs are howling and glass is breaking and stuff but it's not hers... i am coveting her voice. you hear that mariah? i covet it. give it to me...you're past your prime anyway.

on another note, it's sad that they executed stanley tookie. (please see story here: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10448672 he made changes in himself and if anyone was going to make a difference it would be the person that put it together in the first place. at least he might have had some ideas on what to do.

because of dubya there are thousands and thousands dead. he's not going to get the chair, or lynched, or publicly stoned. he hasn't really made anything better...

would you execute albert einstien? or how about alfred nobel? i mean, his invention has caused countless deaths and spawned numerous versions of explosives.

sorry tookie... we make mistakes that we regret whole heartedly and we try to atone for our sins but nothing changes the past, no matter how many souls you touch, nothing changes the past, it's the only concrete constant in the world. your decisions avalanched into a problem that plagues your country nation wide and as badly as you felt for doing it, too many people are suffering because of it. reformed or not i guess the only answer was to make an example of you, although it'll fall on deaf ears because no one is comfortable with the path you chose, they are comfortable with their culture of violence...

to lighten the mood, a little napoleon:

tag! i was it...

thanks again to chris for making me feel like one of the crowd

*peers out into darkness* thanks man! you rock!

anyway. tag time. ps. i tag any unfortunate person who comes across this- they must participate, even against their will or else they will risk napoleons wrath. risk it i say!

"i hide because i am waiting for you to fuck up and not do this tag thing... because i'm kewl like that and what i say goes got it? these sweats won't last forever... let that be a lesson to you! don't mess wit me, m@#$* f%#$^!"

he's got such a fowl mouth on him the little bugger... please do not be offended. he is harmless... here naps... you forgot your ritalin.

1) Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? hot chocolate all the freakin way... and sometimes i put baileys in it... mmm... baileys

2) Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? if they weren't wrapped i wouldn't accept them. and it has to be a real bow and look very professional... nah. santa always wraps

3) Colored lights on tree/house or white? coloured of course... like blue and green but the white ones are much classier than the others... yea... classy...

4) Do you hang mistletoe? i tried once but it kept falling down... it's not like i need misletoe to kiss br anywhere anyway

5) When do you put your decorations up? as soon as i possibly can... just cuz i'm weird like that and i want it all done NOW

6) What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? probably stuffing but that isn't confined to holiday... uh... i don't think there is one thing in particular since everything i like is made all year round...

7) Favorite Holiday memory as a child? i remember waiting to come home from school to find the bundled up tree on our back doorstep. you could smell it before you even got around the side of the house... they ship trees down here to sell. if people cut their own trees we'd end up with a sahara for an island... but that's one of the better memories... my brother and i would stand around it for a while, waiting for my dad to come home so we could help carry it downstairs, cut off the bottom and set it up to let the branches fall... christmas for kids is all about anticipation

8) When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? i was actually trying to think about this the other day... i can't remember. i don't think i was ever told, i think my brother and i came to the conclusion ourselves, without any serious occurances of tantrums or anything of the such

9) Do you open presents of Christmas morning or Christmas eve? strictly christmas morning people... as early as possible... drag your parents downstairs so you can all do it together as SOON as your eyes open and you can manage yourself out of bed and down the hall

10) What kind of cookies does Santa get set out for him? i dunno but whatever we put out i don't think he liked it because i remember one year ya boy got into the turkey

11) Snow! Love it or Dread it? snow does not = christmas for me. snow = annoying. it's kewl i guess, was the first time i saw it anyway. but then when i started to hvave to slosh around in it when i was in school for those two years i began to hate it like all other snow dwellers.

12) Can you ice skate? ha... i can ice skate on my ass

13) Do you remember your favorite gift? see... christmas and my birthday are so close together the presents sort of run into each other... it may have been the stuffed white cat that my mom gave me one ear that purred and moved it's front paws when you pet it's back. i cried. she was very upset.

14) What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? it goes without saying, anything with chocolate.. but as i am a fan of pound cake (specially from this one place down here i could eat a whole damn loaf and not feel two ways about it), cherry walnut cake

15) What is your favorite holiday tradition? probably just when we open gifts together... my mom even waits for my brother to wake up (he's in calgary... three or four hours difference) and puts on the web cam so we can do it together... aww... yea i know sachrine

16) What tops your tree? an angel this year which is my mothers doing- it used to be this ratty old star. you could tell it was old cuz the colours of the lights around it had all sorta faded into the same colour

17) Which do you prefer Giving or Receiving? i prefer to give. i'm not a good receiver... dunno i get uncomfortable

18) What is your favorite Christmas Song? i'm sick of christmas music i don't like any of it anymore, except for maybe the "12 pains of christmas" or the one sung by the muppets

19) Do you have a wreath on your front door? we have a sliding glass door and the one that opens is the one that goes in behind so if we had a wreath it would fall off every day and i would probably curse it's very existance every day or until it fell on evil ok... then maybe i'd be like... yea... wreath... alright...

20) What do you want most for Christmas this year? for my boss to give me a raise. considering the amount of money i spend on myself during the year, it'd really be ludacris for people to buy me things i'm already so damn spoiled... so i tell them not to get me anything. and they don't... and i'm okay with that... really... *wince*

so there you have it. now... if you'll excuse me... i'm going to go home and wish i hadn't eaten that stupid mozarella string cheese because it's making me wanna throw up a little in my mouth.

taxi!

today...

... i am sitting at my desk eating a banana (anananana) and humming/singing to myself (to the tune of the oscar mayer weiner song) "my balogna has a first name, it's h-o-m-e-r... my balogna has a second name is h-o-m-e-r..." and that's really as far as you get because that's as far as homer gets when he's singing that in the tub

yes. that is what i've been doing today. that and reading the papers (sometimes i read the stuff about what went on in parlaiment over the past few days and i totally find myself thinking about something else when i'm halfway down the page and i have to start back at the top so i can somewhat understand the drival- really the opposition is just calling the government on all their stupid ideas and stuff... nothing new... bad soap opera)

and i remembered that the evil ok was skulking around again this morning at 5 in the morning... trying to get a rise out of my stinky napoleon. which he succeded in doing. at 5 o'clock this morning. when i look like this.

anyway. he's been throwing himself against the door a lot and it really *really* shakes... for some reason i have this irrational fear that this crazy cat is going to throw himself right. through. the. glass. and into my unsuspecting living room to pounce on my unsuspecting napoleon.

that or one day when i leave the house he's going to attack me from behind because i squirted him in the face this morning when he was hanging around the door...

*heh* sorry about that eok... you know how it is... no hard feelings? safe...

so i don't know what to do about him or my apparently genius feline who has taught himself how to scale the cupboards and repel back down... and how to open the friggin things (fig 1).

he is just this innocent looking little beast with visions of violence in his little head (fig 2).

please consult diagram:



















i was tagged again by chris and her super black cat chaos (please see almost every post) and i will do this tag justice a little later in the day but i *actually* have some work to do today for once... in between reading the paper and blogging of course... which is wh i did this post before i actually did some work. keeping up appearances is hard!

sufficiently like a loser...

so now that i've sat through the entire process of the raffle draw, watching other people get these prizes, i feel sufficiently enough like a loser...

but i guess what you don't put in you don't get out right? and i've never been lucky with gambling and stuff so i never expected to win although you always have in the back of your mind that hope that *just* maybe they'll grab your name and unwrap it, revealing that you've won some awesome amazing mystery prize that no household can be without...

one lady won two surround sound systems. how's that for luck? this other chick won two things before winning the plasma t.v.

mind you... what am i going to do with most of that stuff other than sell it. a plasma? i don't have cable or a dvd player. plus, our house is the size of a... well something really small. we don't have the space... but like i said... still.

i didn't think i would mention this until, you know... give the feelings of inadequacy a little time to cool off... but since i'm here waiting for br to come and pick me up, and my cheeks are feeling a little hot from the free zinfandel (yes i'm tacky i drink zinf. usually one glass will get me going lately, sad but true. tonight it was two, on top of some ... interesting... apetisers...)

now it's time for some drunken late night shopping

finally...

... i have joined the throngs of bloggers catching onto the craze... i have arrived...

are you curious as to what i've arrived to???

i've been *tagged*... !!

it's nothing huge... but still...

so. the object i believe is to show your favourite knitting place in picture form and then describe it. so here goes:

as you can see... my favourite knitting spot is my bed. my cozy... warm... wonderful...... *snore*

huh... wha?? sorry, let me wipe this drool from my face. my bed makes me sleepy... i've been conditioned to sleep when i think about it or sit in it for a while...it's not that easy to see but my pile of squares is inbetween the bed and the nightstand. 37... they're on top of a little container... and then the bag of wools and stuff... it's a harrods bag that my dad said my mom should buy for me on their last jaunt to london. also, not so easy to see is the *fabulous* goose down duvet that we just got a few days ago that is just *fabulous*. why do i need a duvet in bermuda, you may ask? on a sunny little island? cuz the nights are friggin cold and it's good protection against horrible napoleon claws.

for some reason, no matter where it is on the bed, he lies right.on.the.wool. i don't know it's like magnetic or something and he's gotta be lying right on it and getting in my way! isn't he cute tho? he also likes cheetos cheese puffs and jalapeno pringles mixed... but not so much the pringles...

crocheting in bed makes me fall asleep plus its either the bed or the couch and the couch is tres uncomfortable.

now some pictures of napoleon to tide his minions over for the weekend...

"i swear, i've told you before. put away the damn camera or you will face my fury. do you understand that? face.my.fury. look at this menacing look i'm giving you. *look*!!!"

"that's it. i've had it. you and that goddamn camera are going to get it. you just prepare yourself for what i'm about to bring, you got that?"

"first, i will afix you with my most evilest of evil stares. are you scared yet? huh, punk?? no? o yeah?!"

"rawr!!! i am attacking you with my wrath!! just try and defend yourself against my vicious claws of viciousness! you are mesmerized by my glowing eyes and unable to protect your legs from the claws of death!!!"

better now

i'm feeling better after some free business lunch *free lunch rocks...*

some company decided it would be within their best interests to invite my boss and myself to lunch to "get to know us better" and "establish a relationship"...

well establish away, i say, as long as you keep throwing free stuff at me i'll be *just* peachy (please include one major new item from one major new launch each month... thank you.)

but now after i've eaten at a so-so restaurant (the acoustics are terrible and the metro-ly dressed itlatian matire'd was soooooo loud and italian greasy i was afraid his hair would end up in my food- had a brief scare with my bread... *shudder*) i'm tired and ready for a nap

thanks to the info from a wonderful source in all of her knitty goodness and desire for the truth... i now have an even greater fear of public places, especially restrooms. fecal plumes?? fecal germs??

they are everywhere... there are germs eve.ry.where. (glance around nervoulsy because they are watching. did you know that? they.are.watching.you.) i am not ocd nor do i profess to be to others but occasionally the urge to just not ever touch anything ever again in my life... including but not limited to myself and others... because of the germs...

did anyone see that movie with the couch jumper and the little girl who always knows way too much and is just a leeetle bit to insightful for her age? you know the one... with the people in it?

the people! i know you know this... right. war of the worlds.

disclaimer: if you have not seen the movie and would like to, please do not read on. this discalimer relieves me of taking the blame for my telling the end of the movie, like i'm about to do. you can't be mad. *smile*

germs. it was germs. germs that killed the stupid aliens. yes... i know they killed the aliens which is a good thing... (because the aliens woulda killed us and plowed our planet making room for some sort of... parking garage planet or something...) and that we need germs to kill more aliens that wanna make our planet into a parking garage... but they are still disgusting *blech* thinking about them makes me want to vomit a little in my mouth...

but i'll forget until i go to the bathroom again and wash my hands like eight times until they are red and dry and scaley from the bad bathroom soap that they buy here and then i'll use the crappy towels that they give us to dry my hands just so i can forget and open the door with my bare hand and have to wash them all over again.

i have anti-bactirial lotion in a holster on my hip so i can whip it out at the first sign of germies...

so answer me this- do you think it's a smart idea to bring a 3-ish day old baby out of the sterile hospital and just less then the hospital sterile house and into the germy, filthy, dusty, nasty office building where your husband works, and have dirty, nasty, snotty, newspapery people poke at him?

am i the only one that sees something wrong with that??? REALLY

not today...

i was going to write something about my night last night... i did a tasting for bailey's irish cream... you know the stuff

but i can't think about that right now... all i can think about is the fact that every day for the past week and maybe even last week... the front page of the paper has had a section dedicated to the "drugs hell in paradise" focus- letting the island know just how bad the drug problem is down here...

it makes me sad to think that we are among the highest statistics of drug use per person in the world... to think that of all the drugs that come into the island, the police can only claim to confiscating 10% of it... meaning that when they confiscated 45 million dollars worth last year... you get my drift...

sad that there are only enough facilities on the island to house like... just under 100 people who are recovering when the user population is said to range into the thousands... sad that everyone turns a blind eye... everyone, even those people who don't agree with it, are profiting from it and that that makes it okay somehow...

children are getting hooked because people are selfish and want more- more money, more stuff, more of the american gang way of life...

we don't really have anything traditionally ours to relate too (o wait i forgot the bermuda shorts but those aren't even really ours anymore everybody jumped on that bandwagon)... our influences come from mostly western culture and it's fucking us up... children are dying. there have been at least five people who have died this year because of overdoses... prominent people who were known by many who o.d'd and it shocked everyone they knew.

but because so many, even our selfish, unprepared and completely ignorant to the plight of the people governement, are too bloody self absorbed and worried about the next car, the big dinner, the fancy suits, the shiney jewellery, their publich image... more than they are worried about their neighbour, friends and even their own children.

sometimes i fear there are no hopes for this island, that when i have kids i'm going to have to tell them my history through pictures and forlorn stories of how it used to be... how the island used to be beautiful, a tourist haven. people would speak to you when you walked down the street, not avert their eyes as you passed...

i wanted to raise them here but with the way things are going i may as well raise them on the moon.

i want to help, i want to help so bad but i don't know what to do. i'm not qualified to help at the clinics as a counsellour. we don't have enough homeless to sustain a soup kitchen or shelter. the sleep where they can and get help where they can. i want to do something. i want to get the message across but people don't want to listen unless it directly affects them and even then they think they are invincible.

i feel so helpless sometimes, like i'm sitting on the ship and all i can do is let it sink, can feel the hull shuddering beneath my feet, straining against the force of the current that threatens to crack it in half at any second.

the island is going down... down down down it's spiraling... i want to crawl into a hole a die before i have to watch it go completely under... it helps you to understand why people use... but it doesn't make me want to follow in their footsteps... i want to make it better for them

sorry that this was such a morbid post, well not really morbid but it's not upbeat or funny or anything. i can't get it off my mind...

please forgive the shameless self plugging...

recently (well, seven or so months to be exact... boo yah! second longest job i've held in my life *does cabbage patch* go me... it's my birthday... gonna party like it's my birthday) i switched jobs again for the umpteenth time- i've really done it all it feels...

so many people ask me the question... "do you still like your job?"

and i always *eagerly* reply... "i love my job" what i don't add is "i am in love with my job because it is so fantastically amazingly fabulous... it's the best freakin job on earth man BEST can't believe how great this job is be jealous of me for how great my job is and because i.have.it.and.you.don't."

because if i said all of that then they would inevitably say... "well what is it that you do all day at work that would make me so insanely jealous of you because you.have.it.and.i.don't?"

and i will tell you what it is that i do at my job that makes you wish you had it... but you dont... in list form:

a) nothing. i don't do anything at work... this is a lie but at least for the most part i really don't do anything. it can be stressful...

2) i spend most of my time reading blogs, poking with my blog, or reading random things on the internet... this can't be helped... when you are fundamentally not doing anything at work you have to be doing something to look busy to the powers that be who are *watching* you... yes they are watching you.right.now!

c) wait for lunch. i do the above just so i can kill time before i go to lunch with br. we had sushi yesterday. it was scrumdelicious

iv) wish i were home working on some project or getting eaten alive by my kitty. he enjoys gnawing on me every so often when he tires of whatever else he has ripped apart.

5) gossip. where i live, gossip is second nature for everyone- man and woman kind alike. men are actually even worse then women sometimes. *shame* on you men... *for shame* but as it is in my blood to talk about other people, so it comes naturally that i fit in well with my poignant observations of others and their foibles ("what? you said she just met him last week and already she's trying to spend the night?" "omg... does she ever where anything other than sweats and sneakers to work?" "you mean every day at the same time she goes in there with the paper?" and so on but usually more detailed)

no for reals tho? i like this job because it allows me to express my creativity in a forum that is open to the creativeness that i can offer it and i get paid for doing something i'm good at but didn't even need to go to school and get a degree for... so there! education proponents (no really education is kool. stay in skool kids!)

do i have a picture that i wish to share today? i like sharing pictures. i like taking pictures... on a side note, i am having my picture taken today for all the locals to see and marvel at how such an *awesomely* beautiful gurl could write such *awesome* stuff and make them actually want to do whatever i suggest more because of how beautiful i am (okay okay... vanity occasionally takes control of my fingers and says what it wants... usually when my brain is paying attention to the loud reporter discussing alcohol over there... shut up you!)

so here is a picture of my watch...

first thing this morning...

... i got taken in by the title "how a poet and a resurrected dead man saved a katrina evacuee"... the epic chronicle of Blake Bailey, a refugee of new orleans among many.
what makes him so special is his status as an author- he wrote a book titled a tragic honesty- the life and work of richard yates which is on the new york times best sellers list. from reading his story, i must have this book... he is currently working on a biography of john cheever and i think i'm going to want to read that one too...


you can read his tragic tale here, http://www.slate.com/id/2127127/


this one particularly moved me: http://www.slate.com/id/2126756/

this weekend in pictures

what a weekend... i swear...

i think my body has developed an immunity to vodka... or at least my liver has developed the ability to metabolise vodka at speeds greater than anything else known to man which would explain why i did not get drunk at my xmas party this weekend.

this is not to say that it was not a fabulous party. they put the whole of the company up in one the fancy schmancy hotels (fairmont southampton princess) and it was so nice!

open bar all evening... talk about sweet ass. i worked my way through eight vodka and cranberries and brian through 10 cockspur and cokes... no. we didn't get drunk... sigh... we just had a good time at a great hotel.

here are the pictures :D

br and i when we first arrived at our fabulous room- he went out on the balcony for a smoke while i proceeded to take phoographs of anything and everything available to have photos taken off... cheese hotel room!; ah yes... the requiste close up "i took it myself while we were kissing" picture of us kissing... every serious couple has one. i have two... well one that was taken by someone else but then this one which was taken by me while i still had some sort of use of my faculties; br at breakafast...

i had so many witty and wonderful things that i had already said but then somehow i deleted something and then i deleted half of what i had already put in here and i said fuck it. i'm sleepy now and i.just.dont.have.the.strength.

:( i hate blogger sometimes...

disclaimer: none of the views expressed by the author are actually views expressed by the author. she is just having a sleepy day after napoleon woke her up because he was chattering with the evil orange kitty in the wee hours of the morning before she had to sweat to the oldies (litterally oldies because most of the ladies at her gym are over 50) and then go to work. please forgive her in advance for any more things that come out of her mouth that may be upsetting to anyone in anyway.

evil kittie...

there is an evil kitty that lurks around the door of my teeny tiny apartment thingy... where i live.

he is *evil* because he is constantly trying to terrorize my precious... who is normally somewhat oblivious to his efforts.
when naps does notice, this evil orange cat will throw himself against the door in all his evil glory and size (he's huge)

so anyway... heres evil kitty visual...

if you cannot actually see said kitty, you will know his whereabouts by the disembodied glowing eyes... you really have to look to see this menace because i have bad luck with cameras and he WAS outside and it was dark and i was inside where it was light... sue me :





for this picture, i got as close as i could to the door without scaring the smarmy bastard away. before this, he had thrown himself against the glass, i guess being so stupid that he had assumed it was a screen and would have more give. it was pretty funny...
i think napoleon laughed at him a little. i would have... and taunted him too...

nappy was just obliviously playing with his silly little mouse- you know how cats play- chew, paw, bat bat, chew, throw in air, chase across room, act insane... the usual kitten behaviour.

i believe one night when br was first "courting" me, i was over his house and we were playing with this guy. he was kewl then...
maybe he's jealous now... that nappy is getting all the attention and living in a nice, warm place, eatting some yummy scrumpcious delicisiousness that i feed him...

todays jumble

here's a new feature... it's fun! it's exhilerating! it's stimulating!

the... *drum roll*... jumble *trumpets blare fanfare, ticker tape rains, crowds cheer*

yes. it is that great.

today's jumble (which i half breezed through. the other half i struggled and struggled and cheated. only on half and then i figured out the rest... becausce i'm g.r.e.a.t.)

unscramble these four jumbles, one letter to each space, to form four ordinary words:

YONPE _ _ _ _ _
NAHVE _ _ _ _ _
ZARWID _ _ _ _ _ _
GAYMIB _ _ _ _ _ _

now arrange the letters in the red spaces to form the surprise answer, as suggested by the cartoon.

a "_ _ _" of _ _ _ _ _

this jumble and cartoon are courtesy of mid ocean news, december 2nd 2005. they are produced by henri arnold and mike argirion for

please feel free...

... to be awed and slightly horrified by the story you will read if you click on this link...

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10265941/from/ET/

day in the life of my desk part 2 (and other stuff)

i have come to the realisation this aftermorning that i am... *drum roll*... crazy.
and if not fully there, am definitly on my way.

i am crazy, semi-stalker, fuzzy picture taking person with nothing better to do at work then make my way down the crazy path to oz with toto and the scarecrow fighting at my side (see... the scarecrow wasn't really real but evil and toto could sense that so he's protecting me from the strange straw thing that won't stop following... it's all in my head)

neway. to continue with my crazy streak... here are more pictures of stuff

i never said my desk was exciting... it's just a desk... where i sit and read blogs all day *whoops* i mean work...

*nervous giggle*

yea... work.

i use the shitty phone to make very important phone calls to very important people who will talk to me about pet poo and how important the beach view is... it's *very* important.

someone... some *rat bastard* stole me white out right out from under my desk's nose. that and my crazy kewl note pad that had the company logo on it. if i were to steal anything it would be said crazy kewl note pad because they give me everything else for free because i am a WRITER and i NEED STUFF for free (us writers, we don't get paid much... *)

*side bar... the skanky newsreporters who make their own hours and don't have to come in until 11 and 2 in the afternoon, who all drink like siamese fighting fish and are extremely loud and at time increadibly *rude* and *obnoxious* make oodles more money than i do. i hate them.*

here is a photo of br's desk. well... br doesn't really have a desk so much as he has a counter and the entire back part of whatever is behind the counter that normal folk who don't work behind the counter aren't supposed to see. but you are privy.
i do not like le spot so much. i did my time there for two and a half years and sometimes i help stuff the customers til the pop because br is overworked and he needs the help.

please notice that many people go to le spot on a regular basis. they enjoy the artery clogging air and smell that clings to your clothes like seinfeld's mutant b.o.

br must wear his name on his shirt so that the beasts that he serves can tell him apart from the horse spit who is his quote un-quote boss.

le spot is a very popular location for bumming becuase you can stand outside the window and look very very sorry while people eat. sometimes they throw them crumbs. other times br chases them away with a broom.

i am also crazy shopping lady. last night i got to go to the pharmacy because they had a special promotion with the bank that i use. 15 (or 20... my mom says 20 but she's senile) percent off everything in the store. i am crazy at pharmacies. when in new york i spent over 200 hard earned dollaroos at the pharmacy. please do not leave me alone in them. i will hurt myself.

anyway. i did spend over 100 dollaroos at the pharmacy but i got two raffel tickets, which in any other case i would not have gotten because i'm a terrible gambler and do not ever win.
also this week i bought(br bought) two dresses for me to choose one for my xmas party on saturday... a pair of highly unnecesarry shoes, a pair of very neccessary shoes, and a shirt.

i am a shopaholic. i am addicted to shopahol. and i am a shoe whore.

neway. i will leave you with pictures of my crochet project that is taking me very very long to finish
notice the ease with which i hate the yarn that i chose. it makes me sad :(


63 f-ing squares.

and more knots than you can shake a stick at...















in another side note... i will soon be getting some much necessary advice on the pesky ink that infests certain areas of my person. i would send photos immediately however, the display of my photoing said areas is highly inappropriate in a professional environment.
:D