stokin' the flames of obsession, one dollar at a time
Thursday, April 27, 2006
this just in...
please feel free to click on the http://www.theroyalgazette.com to keep up-to-date on the latest happenings around my island home (cuz you know you can't live without)
but those of you interested in finding the stories for the links listed in the post below, please be advised that because the gazette is cheap and tawdry, the stories from the day before automatically disappear.
i apologise for any information receival discomfort this may cause.
...i was on the bottom field with br getting my exercise and playing some badminton (i rock at it don't ya know...) and i got four... *four*... mosquito bites on my arm. i figured it was because i don't move that arm very much and it was the closest to the bushes and i think mosquitos like to hang out around the bushes... i can't remember.
anyway. i bought this month's cosmo and i totally want to go shopping now. so i spent $130 on victoria's secret. don't worry it wasn't anything truely exciting... just a couple bras on sale (cuz you can never have enough) and some panties and a cute shirt. i'm trying *hard* to cut back on the frivolous expenses but once in a while that urge just comes over... i'm *jonesing* to spend some of my hard earned cash... i wish i were like paula abdul and could spend 7 hours shopping in one store. however my attention span is about as short as a goldfish and i need to be constantly entertained. apease me dammit. *me*!!
my arm itches. stoopid fucking masquitos [sic.] the one by my elbow is the size of a quarter.
yesterday i was walking back to work and there were a few guys milling around the back of this truck parked on the side of the road- one of those trucks with the roll up back and a platform that lowers down to get the stuff out? well... this van pulls up to them (blocking traffic) and the guy gets out all concerend and i over hear...
vanguy: what happened to jamiquay*? is he alright? only white dude: he fell and split his head open** but we've called the ambulance already vanguy: (expressing concern) is he okay??!
*i totally made this name up... but most islander's use names for their kids that smash the first part of the mothers/fathers with the last part of the mothers/fathers name. and you thought apple and suri were weird. "hi... my name is laquisha. how can i help you?" **i would later come to learn that he didn't split open his head, this is only what i mistakenly overheard...
at this point i tuned out because i glanced down at the road and there was this massive pool of blood leaking out of this dude- at first i thought he was stuck under the truck but then after my brain registered what my eyes were seeing, i saw that he was actually bent over on the groud, kneeling with his head in his hands. so.much.blood. it didn't seem real. kept right on walking. and because it wasn't anything, you know, drastic, i didn't tell anyone about it. i work at the newspaper and we're always trying to scoop the tv news and stuff but i mean, this is just an industrial accident- it doesn't have to be broadcast island wide right? apparently i was totally and completely wrong because when the ambulance, two police cars and fire truck finally showed up (yes, all for only one man... who was only a harm to himself) and blocked off the entire street, about half the people that i work with ran outside to web (read: be pokey as it is in their nature) and the photographer got all these shots to bring back and show all the pokey people that didn't have a chance to make it out there, and they actually made a story out of it! and it printed! but i shouldn't be surprised because it had it's 30 seconds of fame on the news last night, shakey images of the scene and all. what happened? apparently the guy (who for some unknown reason has remained nameless... sure... there's your blood all over the pavement but you know, your name? nah... not important) was unloading the truck and he put his hand on the button to lower the platform and when he took his hand off the button, the platform didn't stop moving, which it was supposed to. and apparently he sliced his leg open almost all the way to the bone. yummy!
have i reached syndication yet? no? yes? i dunno...
woohoo!!!
how did i celebrate? i tried my very first peep. now my teeth hurt. i don't get what all the fussisabout... i mean.... it's just a nasty marshmallow covered in sugar (i had a blue one... it was exciting however i wasn't expecting that much sugar... and only 32 calories! mmm... empty-rific.) they really don't taste like anything at all except tooth decay and gingivitis.
all in all i give it a... c +. the diorama's are entertaining but the flavour leaves something to be desired.
this weekend our annual exhibition was held at the botanical gardens. i got sunburned and boy are my arms tired (haha) from carrying around sbf's son miggy who isn't seven months yet and already weighs 25 lbs. he's a big boy! and he's SO cute i lurve him to death i just do! he was eating some of my portugese doughnut (read: fried dough covered in sugar and grease... drool) and lovein it. we got to see these giant pigs that were just so immensely huge and smelly they were cool... cuz i mean, how could they not be? mm... giant smelly piggy... and the goats, as well as huge chickens, rabits, pigeons (yes... people breed pigeons still) and one increadibly pissed off looking turkey. there was food everywhere and horse jumping and pony racing and they retired some ponies and some gorgeous orchids and roses and vegetables and vegetable critters and... and... and... you get the hint. i haven't been to the exhibition in years and it was totally fun. i'm good for the next five i think.
the wedding on thursday was wonderful... i have so many pictures that i haven't downloaded from the camera yet but will get to it. there were about 25 people, including the wedding party and it was at this nice restaurant (read: pricey) and they had buffett with, what else, mac and cheese. my brother was the best man. and to my surprise, i actually cried a little while they were exchanging vows and stuff and then again when my brother did his little, completely unprepared toast. weddings are beautiful things- two people who have lived separate lives joining together as one... sigh... i'm getting a little misty just thinkin about it! my mom was gettin ideas but i think my dad would rather i wait till... o... let's say... never? no, i'm sure he'd like it if i had little babies running around. he's going to make a great grandfather one day, despite what we may think of him.
picture time!
"hey lady? yea... you... uh... i just wanted a little peace and quite by the door here? could you like maybe.. fuck off for a bit or something? cuz... yea... just go."
"you know if you just put... no i said put... you're not listening... i'm telling you it'll sound better if you do it my way.""way cool... way... *click click*"
hot cross buns. that i made. well... br sorta did most of the hard work... what with the need to kneed (ha! i'm so funny) and all that... they burned on the botted but you can't see that from this image can you? i shouldn't have told you they burned.
hot cross buns with the crosses on them. mm... sacraligious! these are absolutely delicious with a thick layer of butter and a couple slices of hard cheddar cheese. my tummy is grumbling now... :( i want a hot cross bun!
... to really understand my day so far, we have to work our way back a few hours to last night, when i attended my cousins wedding.
first of all, i couldn't find anything to wear, i felt too fat and not dresy enough. i opted for the tried and true brown gauchos, white shirt that's open in the front, green tank underneath and leaopardprint high heeled sandles. i felt completely underdressed. my parents picked br and i up at about 5 15. we were due at the restaurant at 5 30. we also had to go through rush hour traffic. we get there and take some pictures of my brother (best man) in his suit, and my cousin (groom) in his tux. they both looked handsome (pics next week). the bride's side of the family is a little..."large"... and i was thrown off a bit but i guess she's like a diamond in the rough. i cried a little during the wedding, which i didn't expect, but it was pretty beautiful. anyway. we waited forever once they had finished the ceremony for them to get their pictures taken. tired and hungry, the drinking commenced. food came shortly after their arrival. by about 8 30, 9 00, my dad was drunk. he doesn't get drunk and he wasn't sloppy or anything but his head was spinning and he wanted to go home. i felt bad for him because he was just really enjoying himself and got a little carried away. he was completely embarrassed. poor daddy. we had to wait for the gombey's to dance (local dance troupe that dressup crazy- pictures forth coming)... and then my parents went home and my brother took br and i home, so he and his girlfriend could see where we live and meet the cat. (they like him cuz he's cute) napoleon didn't want to cooperate and wuoldn't let me sleep- at about 5 this morning he decided to get into the cupboard above the fridge and fuck around with all the bottles of pills and alcohol that's up there. i couldn't reach him so i had to get br up to get him out and we locked him in the bathroom and he proceeded to whine and complain and throw himself against the door. i don't know when i fell asleep but i know i slept through brian's alarm for the first time in my life. he went to leave and i decided to sleep in until 8 (he gets up at 6 and leaves around quarter to, and i normally get up at about 10 past) but his fu*king bike decided to break so he had to take mind and i would have to go with his mom who leaves at 10 to 8 to take his sister to school. i got out of bed, showered and changed. then he texted me to say, "you can go back to sleep my mom will take you in for 9". i was pissed but of course i went back to sleep. then he called. then his mom called and asked me if i wanted to go to the post office because a package arrived. i thoguht i was going to have to wait until monday so i got excited and jumped up and got my package and didn't have to pay duty and ripped it open in the car and it's my wonderful sweater that i can't wait to take home and try on and is just sitting on my desk begging for attention. that was the best part of my day. then it all went down hill. it's hot as hell outside and there's no air conditioning in the shoe box building that i work in, it's broken. there's only one door and loud fans. stoopid fucking air conditioning. i also got all dressed up today because there was supposed to be a prize giving tonight at my job but it was postponed and no one told me. so now i'm all dressed up with no where to go and i'm sweltering. and brian has the bike so i can't go home and take the nap that i desperately need. and i haven't paid any bills.
but i have a REALLY great sweater and an awesome ring that my best friend made me in jewellery making class. i will take pictures when my battery is charged and post them. i have so many pictures to post.
i thought my day was going worse but i guess it's not that bad, except for i'm about to pass out on my keyboard.
let it be known to the masses that i am a material whore. not girl, whore. i would probably sell my soul for stuff, even if it were indescript and gorey. i would. i would sell it. so anyway... on the heels of my latest purchase (images forth coming) that apparently arrived on the island yesterday (*eeeeeee*)... i have decided to make a few new purchases.
as br thinks i spend too much money, i decided to run the idea past my mom:
me: do you feel like buying me shoes and a sweater? mom: what for? me: i dunno, just because... mom: hahaha me: it was worth a try... mom: okay... i'll put some money in your account right now me: *shocked inhilation of breath* really?? mom: really... just because
so. i am soon to be the proud owner of a new pair of one of these... and this...
skull fetish much? in the immortal words of tom tucker from channel five action news "only slightly... only slightly"...
i dunno what it is about the jolly roger but i am obsessed with it. and stars. yea...
as mentioned by jamie, i have not posted in a while. this is because my whore of a boss decided to go on and have her baby and has left me here to cover her work and mine for three months while she *puke* spends time with him.
of course i think he's an adorable baby and i don't mind the extra work or stress, it's good for me and good for my resume, *not to mention i'll be able to ask for a sweet little up in pay when she gets back...cha-ching*
so to conclude the last post...
here it is... my iminent death, just waiting to happen (i hope it's not today too... it's a little overcast):
roscoe!
you are scared! you are frightened! he is... well... he's just a peugot luxor scooter. that's all... nothing really ferocious about him. it's the roads that scare the hell out of me (they're really twisty and wind-y and scary) and the other assholes that are "using" them. cuz passing on the inside is the *in thing* now. and having a death wish... i forgot about that.
i am constantly in fear when i travel to and from work on that thing... i feel like the wheels are going to go right out from underneath me. i go about... 45-50 kmph... which is roughly 30 or so mph. yea. slow. you could probably walk faster than me. but that's kew... it's all good. i like my life thankyouverymuch.
i had a bad accident in 2004 and ever since then i've become more and more paro about travelling (and other things but that's another blog for another time).
it's worse when it rains because all i have to protect my person is, you know... nothing and a helmet. there are no sides to that... do you see? no sides! if a car drives by and goes through a puddle, you are SOL my friend, your shit is soaked through. and don't even think about turning around to go home, because then you will be L.A.T.E. and you will have to S.P.E.E.D. it's a prerequisite.
people like to tail gate me, which i think is ludacris because if i slide out, their front and rear tires are going to be leaving tread marks all over my front and rear body, which is pretty and i'm not sure i want it marred in that way. open caskets being the rage nowadays and all
i slow down. it pisses them off. i think several people have turned off to go a different way so they don't have to be stuck behind me. i laugh and continue on my merry way. but yes... my fears are founded... i'll probably get over them, or else they will get worse as i stew in my own paro little universe
hopefully this week i will be posting more... with blurry drunk pictures from thursday (sadly, br and i got into a fight so the drinking ended before midnight and there are none of my fabulous one handed signature group shots... you know the ones where i just hold the camera at arms lenght and fit all 18 gajillion people in the frame? i'm good at those...) and gooey deliciousness from easter.
o yea. and some more gratuitous cat shots.
*bam!* there ya go! cat!
"i'm crazier than that damn bike, and you know it. tell them how i opened the fridge. *tell them*. and about how i steal fish from the pot, even though it's not cooked and salty as hell. yes. that's right, it was salty and i licked all off it and dragged it through the bathroom just to spite you..."
add in: *i totally and completely almost forgot to thank jamie for fixing my blog so it doesn't make me want to be violent anymore! she rocks! and because she does... she is going to be receiving interestingly insightful postcards of bermuda... the island paradise.*
and maybe if i can muster up some change something a little more exciting than postcards. cuz postcards? they're woo hoo and all but nothing says thank you like rum filled chocolate cake...*drool*
not in a backdoor, hippie smelling palm reader type of way... or with the same clarity one might find in the reputable psychic john edward's readings...
but it is valid non the less.
i cannot discuss it now for it is raining outside today and it's bad luck to talk about something because it might get mad at you and then actually make the prediction come true sooner rather than later.
as you can see i have not sorted out this blogger thing yet i think it hates me.
in other news, i'm addicted to 24 and the bad acting found there in. yes, sad but true... i'll lite up on that anyday
thanks to miss kendra (see today's post) and viva las vegass(see april 8 post) i have come to my senses and am boycotting the couch jumper also known as tom cruise . he always seems to have that vacant, sort of glazed over look in his eyes... he's plotting something people... PLOTTING.
beware the tomkat.. they just *might* attack you... but silently.
maybe it's cuz of the rain... or maybe it's cuz my hair looks like poo warmed over (yes i said it... poo warmed over)
i need a mee day but thanks to my whore of a boss going off and having her damn son (who is gorgeous by the way) i'm afraid to have a day off for fear of my department cracking under the stress of all the crap they want me to do.
sun? come back please? i need a tan... and something to drink. preferably with alcohol and from a tall glass.
i just bought pink's new cd, i'm not dead, it's actually quite good... her's and ameries (because i decided i needed to face my nemesis head on every day) and it's also surprisingly good... well not surprisingly i knew she knew what she was doing...
my pages are coming together nicely (those pages being for the teen supplement that our paper is putting out)... i'm so excited that when it prints i will take pictures of it and post them so you can all see how great i am...
anyway. i am bored and miserable. also hungry. i must get food.
...well... maybe just the one on the left... but the one on the right helped a little. they are two halves of a black and white cookie- which proves to the world that i am not white (okay i totally have nothing wrong with being white right, because well, my mom's a solid white-y... and she's kewl) but that i am ... *mixed*. they are two halfs that make the one beautiful whole that is me... where does this come from you may ask? well... it's a big thing down here, being of "mixed race". it's not that people are being racist when they call me "white"... it's just that i feel they are not recognising the other half of me... the half that gives me brillo hair in the front (seriously... it's like one in every million idiots born with fucked up hair like mine. my hairdresser said so.... although not in so many offensive words...) and it's sometimes a challenge when filling out CURE forms (it's an acronym for some race thing in the workplace... i've only filled out three, the last being a year ago so i just don't remember)... you gotta be like, i can't tick white cuz i'm not... and i can't tick black cuz i'm not... i'm not really other... so i like to put down "st.david's islander" and then people understand... (cuz we kewl like that) my dad thinks that somewhere a long the line, someone came from venezuela and gave birth to a bunch a babies who then gave birth to more babies. i have a huge family, although they aren't all really close... like what you'd consider immediate. but there's *lots* of them... and people can normally tell where i'm from because our ... i guess you could consider it a brood... from st. david's, at least the true st. david's islanders... had light skin (not white but not brown), curly hair and light coloured eyes. see my dad? he's the only one in his family that has brillo hair. i used to ask him all the time what the hell happened. my hair doesn't do anything like normal people hair. nothing applies to it and everything does. i'd have to get a bajillion products just for one day. how did this turn into a rant about my hair? o... the hair is a big tell for people who are racially inclined (meaning those people who have nothing better to do than try to figure out what you are and where you come from before they actually have to speak to you)... that and the ass. which some consider a blessing. it's more of a curse.
all in all, i'm pretty happy to be who i am. luckily, i haven't suffered through much racism (althoguh br does and i feel sorry for him... sadly he's known as a "rich white bermudian" which has connotations all it's own... you know them private school kids always gettin into trouble) and i get the best of both worlds. i appreciate the implications of ignorance and racism, and feel like i can understand both sides of the story. i like to think i've got a pretty firm handle on the world. just not on everyone else. which is why i'm going to pull a hitler and... o... i've said to much.
anyway. i'd be happier if i had turned out like o... say... amerie(native american indian and african american i believe)*she's just so hawt*, or ms berry(african american and caucassion british-ian...), or even the classy and timeless *puke* mariah(seriously with that one i'm just trying to save your gag reflex... we know mariah. put them away already)
but i'm quite content to be pretty little me... p.s on april 2 br and i totally celebrated our one year being together. and we went to see the hasty puddings play the night before and i drank a lot all weekend... and i haven't stopped.
"way cool... way... *click click*"
