random thought...

when i used to work at le spot, in the beginning, i was fond of standing in a corner somewhere, watching the customers, and dancing (very indiscreetly i might add) to a tune in my own head.

the dishwasher at the time used to laugh his ass off at me, as i danced there, to the music that only i could hear. do what you feel gurl.

i still do it now, less than i used to... but i mean, there's nothing more relaxing than grooving to your own beat, as people watch, wary of you, and subconciously gripping their bags tighter to themselves and walking past you a little faster than they may have first intended.

d-day arrived and left

it came and went in an uneventful display of nerves and people falling all over themselves because of my beauty.

okay it wasn't uneventful. it was fun. and people's jaws drop. i *like* it.

pictures!

this is the before. the long luxurious pony tail hanging down my back. the flowing split ends and frizz. how i will miss thee

here we is doing the durty deed. i had to coax br to take pictures. i would have liked more to document this momentus occasion, but i think br is afraid the camera will bite him or something. it won't, the camera won't bite, it actually likes to be touched, it's naughty that way.

that's my hair dresser. well she's not really mine but i went to her last time and she did okay (she also had interesting things to talk about which is a first for me with a hairdresser, usually i'm like get it over with and lets GO. well.. usually it takes 15 minutes to cut my hair too, so...)

the beautiful finished product.

you don't really get the whole sexy effect with this side on image of my wonderful new hair cut.. but i've already been told i look more black (*black power! yea!*), more mature, more like a little girl, and that i'm going to get slapped. slapped because people just can't fathom the hair one day gone the next... HAHA you get it? i said HAIR one day instead of... o whatever you know you laughed your ass off.

so yes. this has been the chronology of my day. *sigh* i'm quite happy with this, i think it will take time for br to get used to it, which i have no problem with because it's my head and i'm the one that has to do it every day.

yay short hair! i feel so relieved, like i was waiting to pee for five days but i couldn't and then i finally got to.

on a different note. i'm totally obsessed with that stoopid game sudoku. i play it online at night at work when i'm waiting for br. i think maybe the people here look at me like i'm sorta crazy but i don't really care because i just wanna beat my time.

damn puzzles.

time for a change

so i like to get tattoos and piercings and dye my hair because i like change.

i *crave* change

*crave* it like i *crave* chocolate or bread or shoes

so. i've decided to be increadibly extremely drastic and on thursday...

i'm cutting my hair short.

"*gasp* short you say? but that's madness!"

yes... short. as in, 2 1/2 inches short. as in my hair is half way to my ass but when i get back from lunch on thursday it's going to be well above my ears short.
it's taking a lot of personal convincing to do this... i mean... probably if br said no don't do it i wouldn't but i lie because i keep askin him and he keeps givin me those, o god don't ask me i don't know looks and keeps tellin me, "i'm behind you" but i see the fear in his eyes.
fear is good sometimes though.

right?

aujourd'hui

elle a perdu le sens des réalités



she lost all sense of reality




i don't feel like working today. i don't feel like posting today for that matter either.
it's been one of those days. you know the ones that sorta help you outta bed, hand you your breakfast and then trip you on the way out of the door so your steaming oatmeal and blisteringly hot coffee go flying all over the path before you and turn your favourite green sweater into a monochromatic impressionist landscape...
yea. one of those days.
i wish i had the $$$ and the attention span to continue learning french. i love languages. then i'd move to europe and become euro trash.
i'm going to take up photography too. i've decided... because i watched this bad movie called quinever (spelling?) the other night with this guy stephen root and this chick who's name escapes me (she was in another equally bad flick with stephen root and ryan phillipe called the i inside. it made me want to claw my brain out with a dull hammer) and she leaves her rich socialite family cuz this leacherous old man (stephen root) tells her she's beautiful and sleeps with her and makes her help him take photos and tell him that he is always right... that chick from showgirls is in it too. not elizabeth berkley, but the one that talks out of the side of her mouth like she's had a stroke... you know the one. o and sandra oh to (i secretly like her... i guess it's not a secret anymore)
and then in the end she starts taking photos but you never see what her work looks like.

i thought i said i didn't want to post today.
ah well.
c'est la vie.
but i hate it when there are things floating in my drink

french lesson

il faut redonner du piquant a ton existance!
translation: you should put the spice back in your life; (lit) you've got to give some spice to your life again



so i did. i had my teeth cleaned today! yay! the dentist loves me...

personal struggle

in a last ditch effort to overcome my roller coaster weight problem (i'm 125... i'm 132... i'm 118... i'm 150) i've begun a weight loss diary in this snappy diary i just bought. on the first page i have stuck a picture of the me that i'm not happy with as a reminder of what i don't want to look like.

suffice it to say i'm suffering as i eat vanilla yogurt, blueberries and oatmeal.

homemade humus and carrot sticks.

celery.

okay i havent gone as far as celery yet. it burns my tongue. to be fair, so do carrot sticks.

sigh.

why do i care so much?

friday... i went out. i broke the zipper to my absolute most favourite pair of jeans in the history of my owning jeans... a pair of 179 dollar down from 200 dollar rock an republic's. they are a size 31. i had to ask br to assist in putting them on.

those of you who dont know me must realise that i have a black peoples ass.. the kind that people can rest their beers on at the bar. of course, people are not allowed to do this or else i would kill them.

but never the less. where do i gain weight? in the lower target region. so all of my clothes... yes. *all* of my clothes, no longer fit me without my looking like a stuffed sausage. this is why i have started a diary of self depreciation.

neway. thats it.

me in a white dress...commence laughter

below is one of the pictures i took when i did the stoopid bridal shoot.

i am not happy with it.

or the others for that matter.

i always just seem to hope that whatever i've got goin on that day will be enough. it never is. i don't think the dress fits right, personally. i should have been more decisive and asked them to fit it to me. then maybe i'd be happier. i also shoulda put my hair up so it wasnt doing that strange sort of, tupee got caught in the breeze kinda thing.

plus i dont like my face.

but that answers that question really. as much as i'd like to be in front of the camera, i'll stick to being behind it and taking better photographs of everyone else.

i need another drink.

the train was excruciatingly long.. like i couldn't do anything cuz i was dragging it behind my ass the whole time (which is made to look even larger than the original) and it was the prettiest train too. is that how you spell it in this context? i don't even know. anyway. the woman had ugly dresses as it was... some old lady in a small store with no sign out front.

looking at that picture now... my arm looks fact. anyway. blah blah blah complain complain bitch whine moan. i'm so *grr* today. i want to go home.

i left my credit card at a store where i bought this awesome journal and i freaked out. but then i got it back.

i think its cuz br was moody this morning and i catch moody like most people catch the flu. maybe i should get a moody shot. but i hate needles... hence the tattoos.

anyway...

look at the picture! yea!

a day of pictures

since the *cough* procedure... naps likes to let it all out... blowin in the breezeside view

he likes to monopolise the television and watch david caruso be an overdramatic princess with all the good lines and that one serious, talkin-to-you-while-standin-with-my-side-to-you-and-then-i'll-turn-my-head-to-face-you-and-deliver-my-one-good-line pose that he does... yea. it's a *great* show

napoleon is da man. look at him. he's da man yo.

useless whinning

i want a baby.

i'm *so* not ready.

*pout*

*sigh*

i am around somewhere... i just can't find me yet

i am here.

i have not been around lately because work has piled *this* high and i don't have time to hang around and talk about how napoleon is even crazier now after the fact than he were before (yes. much better. i sleep through the night now but he insists on wedging his head under my neck.)

snb was succesful but only three other people came because the others were either a) sick or 2) dancing crazy dances somewhere in a thicket. next time will be better. we'll do it on a tuesday.

i posed in a wedding dress today for pictures for the cover of the bridal supplement we're doing at my job. i didn't like the dress. i wanted something funky. i wish i were a photographer because then my dreams and ideas would show up on paper and in ink. i think i could have done better. but that's not my job. yet. anyway. i got a couple singles that i'm dying to see. usually i hate myself in photos but i was trying to be graceful and maybe something will come of it.
as i am the classic example of girl influenced by american magazine culture, i would love to model but do not have the body for it and am hopelessly lost in an endless sea of diet books and exercise routines. if these pictures impress me, i might start to put together a portfolio. do something real about it instead of not-so-proactively sitting on my ass and watching other people enjoy their lives.

so yes. now i'm going to eat. because i'm hungry and that's what i do when i'm hungry. hopefully mac and cheese but we'll see what br got from his new job... yea. hopefully mac and cheese. comfort food. he's a glorified shelf stacker, may not stay there long, but at least there's mac and cheese. and chocolate.

yea.