"hate me" day

i'm having a "hate me" day.

i'm down in the doldrums... feelin' a little under the weather... to say the least- i hate each and every little thing about myself and my life right now. okay, okay... not so specifically everything but a broad and general everything that just tends to make me feel all "i wanna go home and hide under my covers until all my problems are solved".

you know that feeling?

why, you may ask, are you feeling so "i wanna go home and hide under the covers until all my problems are solved"?

well, i would reply to that question, it's just been one of those days when everything seems to want to go completely and horribly awry. yes... awry.

one of those days when you look at yourself in the mirror and feel that all the work you've been doing, the calories you've been cutting, etc. etc. etc. have done nothing to make you look or feel better about your physical appearance so you hold back a tear or two and shove your ass into the baggy pants and head out the door feeling like some sort of baggy unattractive lady in baggy fat pants.
one of those days where you have to take the company team photo for the paper to wish everyone happy holidays and you realise how hideous you look in the picture and want to crawl into a hole and die because of it but you can't ask for a do- over even though there are only two people in the picture (yourself included) because the photographers are nit-picky cranky-pants pains in the asses and don't think that anything they do is bad. *hideous* i tell you... the camera ads ten pounds! i swear i take better pictures of myself.
one of those days where you want to buy a good pair of pants cuz you really only have two good pairs of pants at home and the only pair you can find that looks good are the pair from benetton that are $95 and you feel guilty buying them because it's christmas and you're boardering on poor and you should be saving the money for the umpteen xmas presents that you haven't bought yet and the credit card bill that is slowing creeping towards being maxed.
one of those days where you go into your local yarn shop (of which we have probably, 2- 2 per 65,000 people. this is bull shit, man, bull shit!!!) and you realise that they don't have the last two colours you need to complete your almost completed afghan but you need the two colours because you just don't have enough to complete it but they won't be getting any in until the new year. well... that's all good and well but said afghan is a christmas present and christmas is next week i'm not talking about next year christmas i'm talking about nine days from now christmas, you know the one that everyone is going absloutely and completely crazy because of? right... that one... you get where i'm going with this...

anyway. yes. you know those days? i'm having alll of those days in one today... so i ate a thick piece of the worlds best chocolate marble pound cake to try to make me feel better...

but how, you are now asking, are you going to feel better from eating a piece of cake when you are trying to make yourself feel better and lose weight? isn't that a little... backwards or something?

and yes, i will tell you, yes. it's backwards... it's fucked up. i'm a walking catch-22. i'm not happy because i think i'm fat so i eat to feel better but it makes me more unhappy to be eating.

the world is a circle people. it was made like that for a reason. to symbolise the fact that *everything* in life is circular. circular circular circular... it's all circles...

and now:

circles.