these are the loins of my fruit

...well... maybe just the one on the left... but the one on the right helped a little. they are two halves of a black and white cookie- which proves to the world that i am not white (okay i totally have nothing wrong with being white right, because well, my mom's a solid white-y... and she's kewl) but that i am ... *mixed*.
they are two halfs that make the one beautiful whole that is me...
where does this come from you may ask? well... it's a big thing down here, being of "mixed race". it's not that people are being racist when they call me "white"... it's just that i feel they are not recognising the other half of me... the half that gives me brillo hair in the front (seriously... it's like one in every million idiots born with fucked up hair like mine. my hairdresser said so.... although not in so many offensive words...)
and it's sometimes a challenge when filling out CURE forms (it's an acronym for some race thing in the workplace... i've only filled out three, the last being a year ago so i just don't remember)... you gotta be like, i can't tick white cuz i'm not... and i can't tick black cuz i'm not... i'm not really other... so i like to put down "st.david's islander" and then people understand... (cuz we kewl like that)
my dad thinks that somewhere a long the line, someone came from venezuela and gave birth to a bunch a babies who then gave birth to more babies. i have a huge family, although they aren't all really close... like what you'd consider immediate. but there's *lots* of them... and people can normally tell where i'm from because our ... i guess you could consider it a brood... from st. david's, at least the true st. david's islanders... had light skin (not white but not brown), curly hair and light coloured eyes. see my dad? he's the only one in his family that has brillo hair. i used to ask him all the time what the hell happened. my hair doesn't do anything like normal people hair. nothing applies to it and everything does. i'd have to get a bajillion products just for one day.
how did this turn into a rant about my hair?
o... the hair is a big tell for people who are racially inclined (meaning those people who have nothing better to do than try to figure out what you are and where you come from before they actually have to speak to you)... that and the ass. which some consider a blessing. it's more of a curse.

all in all, i'm pretty happy to be who i am. luckily, i haven't suffered through much racism (althoguh br does and i feel sorry for him... sadly he's known as a "rich white bermudian" which has connotations all it's own... you know them private school kids always gettin into trouble) and i get the best of both worlds. i appreciate the implications of ignorance and racism, and feel like i can understand both sides of the story. i like to think i've got a pretty firm handle on the world. just not on everyone else. which is why i'm going to pull a hitler and... o... i've said to much.

anyway. i'd be happier if i had turned out like o... say... amerie (native american indian and african american i believe)*she's just so hawt*, or ms berry (african american and caucassion british-ian...), or even the classy and timeless *puke* mariah (seriously with that one i'm just trying to save your gag reflex... we know mariah. put them away already)

but i'm quite content to be pretty little me...
p.s on april 2 br and i totally celebrated our one year being together. and we went to see the hasty puddings play the night before and i drank a lot all weekend... and i haven't stopped.