just thought you'd like to know...

my eye is infected again. i hate the world. it's raining. i'm fat.




i'm leaving in four days. yes... you can count that on your fingers - and i mean fingers not thumb. damn thumb...

i just had a slight realisation to myself - i think my mother might be behind my struggle to lose weight.

i don't think she wants to actually lose weight. she's not happy, or comfortable or anything in her own skin because she's overweight, but she makes a lot of excuses as to why she can't lose weight or try this diet or do that exercise or go to that gym. i don't want to be like her...

sure she can be a wonderful person... most mother's are. but i don't want to suffer from her downfalls. i have enough problems of my own without adding hers into my mix. goddamn it.

did i mention it was raining? o and that there's supposed to be a tropical storm which could and might very well turn into a hurricane coming near the island on the day i'm supposed to fly out?
no? great. does anyone know where i can get some valium cheap? anyone?

sick

"I cannot go to school today,"
Said little Peggy Ann McKay.
"I have the measles and the mumps,
A gash, a rash and purple bumps.
My mouth is wet, my throat is dry,
I'm going blind in my right eye.
My tonsils are as big as rocks,
I've counted sixteen chicken pox
And there's one more--that's seventeen,
And don't you think my face looks green?
My leg is cut--my eyes are blue--
It might be instamatic flu.
I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,
I'm sure that my left leg is broke--
My hip hurts when I move my chin,
My belly button's caving in,
My back is wrenched, my ankle's sprained,
My 'pendix pains each time it rains.
My nose is cold, my toes are numb.
I have a sliver in my thumb.
My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,
I hardly whisper when I speak.
My tongue is filling up my mouth,
I think my hair is falling out.
My elbow's bent, my spine ain't straight,
My temperature is one-o-eight.
My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,
There is a hole inside my ear.
I have a hangnail, and my heart is--what?
What's that? What's that you say?
You say today is. . .Saturday?
G'bye, I'm going out to play!"

- Shel Silverstein

*love is where the sidewalk ends and a light in the attic... remembering childhood niceties is nice

dear blogger

yesterday i spent a very profound moment with myself... it was probably due to the excessive alcohol consumption and the fact that i was overtired, but for a fleeing instant, i was at peace with life.

it's a strange feeling, if you've ever felt it - understanding and comfort is kind of like weightlessness for me
but of course, like i predicted, reality came back with a vengence this morning on my way to work. anxiety and stress are my constant companion - like jesus - except i don't want them there.

i'm going to miss the island. not the people, but the island - the clear night skies stretching out forever to the horizon. the smell of ocean and green lingering first thing in the morning before being burned away like mist in the clean sunlight.
even the stifling heat and opressive humidity, i'll miss that too... maybe not moisture's effect on my hair (frizz is never attractive, no matter what anyone says)...

the clear blues, vibrant greens - everything somehow feels more alive.
those aren't things i'm going to be getting a lot of in the concrete jungle i'm about to call my home. maybe that's why the colours i've chosen for inside are so bright... trying to recreate something i'm going to fundamentally lose for about 8 months or more.

but the beauty isn't enough to keep me here... maybe later i'll come back, when i'm older with children and can afford to be immune for ignorant government ideas... i think i want my children to grow up or spend part of their young lives, on this island, getting to know what they stand for. their identity lives in the trees and the sea, firmly rooted in tradition and exploration, like mine.

i'm scared to start this newchapter... afraid of what it will bring, that the next turn of the page will see some devestating, tragic event that i'll never recover from... i think i worry too much

the phone always rings when i'm not there to answer it

it's true... lately the phone always rings but i'm never around to get the call... how sad is that?

anyway.

10 days left people *technically 11... but you get the drift*... i've been shopping vicariously through ikea and television, as well as emailing phone/cable/internet companies in the canada region so i can have my shiz set up before i get out there.

i've picked my paint colours.

i've designed my living room, beedroom, and bathroom (br's got the kitchen... it was a struggle)...

i'm packing this weekend and already planning our excusions to ohio, montreal and calgary (i know people;)

needless to say i'm just about over done in the "ready to get the heck out of dodge" area... really. i'm ready. i'm really ready.

i don't need bottles of water or lotion, i'll plenty hydrate before i get on the plane. just make sure i get there. in one piece. with my luggage. and my fucking cat. cuz if i don't have my cat when i get to the other end, god help them all.

3 parter

1) i believe in 6 degrees of seperation

yesterday my belief in kevin bacon's theory was proved correct again -

do you recognise this famous face?

why yes! it's our favourie aussie phone thrower, russell crowe! (i believe you're innocent russell, just smile and it'll all be okay...)

no... i'm not telling you in know him personally, but you see that happy little cherub with her arm around his shoulder? yea... the cop that arrested his butt? yea... she's my co-workers half sister. so... the equation?

me - coworker - half sister - russell crowe

apparently he sent her roses and a card or something because he was so embarrased and sorry that she had to arrest him. sweet, huh?

don't believe me yet? let's try one more.

do you know her? her smooth cool lyrics and black power attitude have made her a favourite among the young jazz crowd. india arie.

come on me, there's no way you know her. how could you? you live a secluded life on that tiny little island nation of yours. well... that doesn't mean that everyone that lives here is sheltered. my equally gorgeous co-worker and friend at one point allowed the talented songstress to crash at her pad...

equation:

me - friend - india arie

really... it goes on and on...

2) terrorists are getting old

this whole terror thing is starting to drive me crazy a little. i mean.. i wish i were the type of person that could be all sneaky and spy-like and totally bourne identitiy because i'd seek all these "major players" out and take them out... like that!

it's sad to think that this is what we are letting our world come to - a few idiots with their own agendas are ruining it for the rest of us, all in the name of some god who probably doesn't really give two shits anyway. he's off playing with his train set or something. kids get bored easily.

the latest almost attack has me really peeved - now they're saying you're not going to be allowed to travel with liqueds and stuff like that. no toothpaste, not water, no spray on deoderant. there's going to be a lot of smelly, unkempt travellers from now on. it's ridiculous! we're all being held hostage and made to suffer because of this... "necessary" war. i wish their balls would drop or something - somebody needs to have the courage to stand up and say "enough is enough". if i were the world's mother, i'd be putting a lot of people in some serious time's out right about now.

3) fall out boy make me want to toss my panties on stage

i just bought fall out boy's new cd. yes. okay... those two songs are hideously catchy althogh you can barely understand the garbled lyrics of one lead singer with his geeky visage and page boy cap. i enjoy their beats and their attitude so much, i think i might have to follow this band around and do groupie type things. not sexual... just groupie... you know what i mean? o... there's no difference? well then...