just thought you'd like to know...
my eye is infected again. i hate the world. it's raining. i'm fat.
i'm leaving in four days. yes... you can count that on your fingers - and i mean fingers not thumb. damn thumb...
i just had a slight realisation to myself - i think my mother might be behind my struggle to lose weight.
i don't think she wants to actually lose weight. she's not happy, or comfortable or anything in her own skin because she's overweight, but she makes a lot of excuses as to why she can't lose weight or try this diet or do that exercise or go to that gym. i don't want to be like her...
sure she can be a wonderful person... most mother's are. but i don't want to suffer from her downfalls. i have enough problems of my own without adding hers into my mix. goddamn it.
did i mention it was raining? o and that there's supposed to be a tropical storm which could and might very well turn into a hurricane coming near the island on the day i'm supposed to fly out?
no? great. does anyone know where i can get some valium cheap? anyone?
posted by citizen student @ 8:04 AM
5 Comments:
Slow, deep breaths...
I can relate to the not wanting to be like your mom. My mom was an abusive psycho (now estranged from our family), and my biggest fear of all-time is that there's some sort of little genetic trigger inside, just waiting to get flipped to "PSYCHO."
Anyway. I will send anti-hurricane thoughts your way!!
yay!! anit-hurricane thoughts!
I said goodbye to my friend Melissa on Friday. She’s leaving for college to study journalism and while I’m thrilled that she’s beginning this new adventure in her life, part of me is screaming “No! Don’t go!”
Since we’ve been in Bermuda – going on almost five years now – Melissa is the first friend I’ve had since we left South Africa in 2000. Ok I did “hang out” with a few other girls, but they were never what I considered true friends. You always had to watch what you said around them and I was always worried about what they would think of me.
But with Melissa you could just be yourself. She showed me that I didn’t have to true so hard, or didn’t have to impress people for them to respect or like me.
She’s someone I shared my experiences with, someone who listened and seemed to understand. She was also a tremendous support in my weight-loss struggle and I will miss her jokes and little chats about nothing in particular.
I must admit I was very sad over the weekend thinking about coming back to work and her not being here anymore and then I realised how selfish that is because she has embarked on a wonderful and exciting adventure and even though she is going to be thousands of miles away – she’s living her life and making something of herself. I would never deny her that and anyone who would – should be shot.
So farewell Melissa and thanks for the wonderful eight months you shared with me.
I forgot how important “girl friends” are and I will miss you, but I wanted to thank you for showing me this. I promise I will find new friends and make an effort to keep them. You are a wonderful person and despite your age – you are very wise.
Keep up the work and studies and remember that you will always have a funny South African in Bermuda who will miss you.
Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?
Are you there yet?!
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