this...

... nearly made me pee myself... hil.ar.i.ous.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6739710473912337648&q=chinese&pr=goog-sl

what is barbie coming too...

so... lately i've been working on a *very* tedious project for work... we're doing a gift guide (the one benefit: it increases inches so i can get more $$$ :)

basically, i spend my day walking into every shop i can looking for good gifts for one of my 11 catagories... it's not really as much fun as one would think because although it's free for the company i don't get any cool thingys... they just smile and take my letter expecting that i'll return whatever merchandise i *borrow*...

at any rate... when browsing through the toy store i came across this amazing discovery:

it's not really the fact that it's a family that bothers me... or that the pediatrician is included in the gift set... nor the fact that the guys both have real afro's ?(yay! mattel is p.c.- no self respecting black man has hard jerry curled hair in this day and age...*shudder*) ...

it's really the fact that the mother (right... for you dumb-o's) is preggers... and what's better... her big fat belly is removeable... and there is a little baby!

am i the only person that is bothered by how unneseccarily graphic this is for little kids...??? please don't let me be (the only one that is) ... look at her... modeling her belly... for shame!

then there was this *which really got me laughing*:

(i had a nice annotated one but being the computer loser that i am... i lost it amongst the megabites and whatever else make up the stupid machine that is the bane of my existance... or something like that)

anyway. he's got wrinkle lines, grey hair, that swanky grandpa sweater and khakis... not to mention the ever present spectales and finally the proof that dolls can wed, an unremoveable wedding band on the all important finger.

grandpa and grandma can come as a set or seperate for those kids with morbid imaginations who want to imagine that grandpa lost gramma to cancer or some other horrible thing and is now trying to pick up barbie's h.o.t.t. friends

*sigh* i don't know... what is barbie coming too?? equal opportunity, non-offensive company that it is... where's the asian family? or the irish? i wonder if they sell the babies seperately so mormon kids can play realistically... well... maybe they don't play realistically.. maybe they fantasize about only having one kid... *tangent in my head*

neway. tonight i'm going to a surprise party for someone i work with but don't know that well. i wasn't invited initially but was asked as a guest because that person's original guest is indisposed at this moment...

and it's costume themed and i don't have a costume (i do however, have one for next week... i've decided to be mariah carey... she's not scary but if i do it right she can be... i've got the hair for it anyway)... so my friend was scrounging through our local *thrift* store (open thursday and saturday only!!!) and came across what i guess she thought would be the perfect ensembleh for me...

it set her back a whopping $15. i wish i had a camera so i could convey the *insert describing world here* of this outfit...

electric purple... dashiki and skirt with matching head piece... : (yes... i know- and as cute as she is.. she keeps telling people i'm going to be a dashiki...)

so i may be mulatto but i'm on the pale side *very* and i never envisioned myself as an african anything... (i think we're from venezuela- that would explain my fantastic eyes and hair *that sentence was shamless self-plugging... deal with it) and the comments will abound when i walk down the street in this... flowing... costume... how can i make it sexy???? *wah* i don't know...

this will be an interesting night to say the least...

baby pictures!!! eeeeeee!!!

miguel alfredo was born on september 26th, 2005 to sbf. that's sbf and her huge mammary glands that she refuses to let him utilise (save snide comments and remarks for later:)

this is after the shower... he's so cute in his little pooh towel isn't he? deny it! you can't!!!

the last one... isn't he just a little man? sigh... i know i don't normally like children but look at that face! so. baby. cute.

anyway. i'm done gushing.

2 little jems

1) i did it.

all hope is abandoned...

i hate myself for it...

it's almost too embarrasing to say...

so i wont...*

2) i am a blog stalker... a silent voyuer of a few peoples blogs that i read every day.
i'll admit i'm harbouring a little cyber crush and that some are just plain fantastic and hilarious
i was never one to comment, always got 0% for participation... was told i swear too much and it makes people uncomfortable (mother fuckers don't know me)...

maybe i'm afraid of being judged *stare off into space blankly*

i'm back.

i just like reading their blogs. they're fucking hilarious! shit, i'd read them all fucking day if i could... make a bitch wanna laugh out loud!

any fucking way... **













* i bought mariah careys cd... emancipation of mimi... there i said it! are you happy? i'm going to have to kill you now... word of this cannot get out... it musnt! (is musnt a word? i a) lost my dictionary or b) ripped out that page...)
**the swears count is up to 6... is anyone uncomfortable yet? no? good. have a great fucking day :D

exercise demons

hyper. so. fucking. hyper.

i went to the gym at lunch and i didn't think i could because i went yesterday and busted my ass doing every kind of weight imaginable... i'm sore... but i feel good

cuz i have a dealer who's giving me these great "pills"... seriously? i can't remember the offical name but you take them to give you that extra boost of energy and boy am i boosted. i haven't settled since i got back from lunch.

i jammed down my sandwich, slammed out a story and have been typing non-stop (in the wrong position to boot) for the last hour and a half... what's wrong with that??

absolutely nothing! i don't agree with tom about you being able to fight depression with exercise and the right diet. pills are great...

he can stuff it!

word verification

although the only comments i get on my blog are spam... *sigh says the loser writing for one*...

i refuse to put up word verification...

because the only comments i get are spam and even a loser wants to feel special every now and then... right?

*sniffle*...

corpse bride

eeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sunday... saw this

so. awesomely. good.

at first, i was a little creeped out by the parents... i mean, come on... tim burton has got those dark issues man but for reals ya'll...

and he was just like the cutest thing ever! i want one to put on my shelf or something so i can see it every day... of course i'm going to end up buying the movie and watching it over and over again the same way i do this but it's expected since i have an obsessive personality... heh...

but *squeel* i loved this movie! i love it even more now that i've seen it once and can't see it again until it finally comes out on disc

my friend wanted to *squish* the magot... like this:

heh... anyway... if it's not totally noticeable, i'm completely procrastinating from doing any sort of constructive work... *shhh.... i won't tell if you don't*

and i'm trying to keep my mind off this lousy 1500 calorie a day diet that i've been forced to go on... o scurge of my existance...

babies smell like babies

i visited the baby last night...

he looks like... well... a baby would look like i guess... he's the youngest baby i've ever seen and he smells just.like.a.baby!

what's the significance of that? i asked sbf is she was going to smell like baby everywhere she went but she said no...

scenario:
sbf walks into grocery store for formula. people start sniffing the air
person: i smell baby!
2nd person: me too!
person one and two, followed by others begins sniffing around for baby. come up behind sbf in diaper aisle.
person: baby?
sbf: wtf?
person: o... it's just you...
person, 2nd person and crowd of disappointed followers disperse leaving sbf standing with formula in one hand, diapers under her arm and confused expression on her face
end of scenario

i dunno... it's little, and i didn't really want to touch it cuz i have big hands and he has little hands but i poked him a little. shelby hoe poked him too but didn't touch him

it's funny to watch people that aren't baby proficient... cuz we were like... ickle... and he spit up and stuff... *fights urge to dry heave at desk*

i dunno what it's going to be like when it comes time to have babies... if i ever have the cahonies to have babies that is...

my very dear friend likened it to this:

"pushing a watermelon through a nostril..."

and i will leave you with that... pleasant... visual

p.s. baby! baby! baby! baby!

shame on me

i saw this girl today that i used to go to high school with... she wasn't the brightest bulb in the chandalier but only where common sense took reign

*flashback*
teacher: who put that bottle in the freezer... it burst and made a mess!
hsg: um... what's wrong with putting a glass bottle full of water in the freezer?... it'll burst? i didn't know that...
*end flashback*

i hate her.

hsg is some sort of accountant now. i was walking behind her trying to hide behind my shades so she wouldn't notice me and stop to talk to me, making me feel like some sort of squat pathetic loser... luckily those extra pounds i piled on have done a great job concealing my identity from the rest of the world... *by day she's a mild mannered, chubby, writer for a semi-popular daily periodical aimed at the rich elite... by night she's still chubby but... well she's all of the above except she's usually drunk and ranting about the rich elite that she works for...*

hsg is one of those people that no matter how successful you are, no matter how gorgeous... you could be making 50 to 100k more than her a year, living in a great mansion, be married to george clooney -or- brad pitt -or- david beckham -or- {insert hunky famous actor with lots of money here} and own half of an island in the caribbean and still feel like the sludge you find that the bottom of the road after it rains... or a toad... when you stand next to her

perfect hair, almost but not quite perfect body, great job... and she doesn't even realise how fabulous she is because she's so fucking down to earth.

i repeat *glares at memory image of hsg in mind* i hate her

on a slightly less depressing note... click here to see something really funny... that is if you don't mind seeing your childhood hero's portrayed as homosexual karaoke singers with equally bad hair