this is the end

and i don't know how to deal with it...

i mean... it's not like i haven't been through it before... it's not like i don't know what it feels like...

but it hurts just as much... maybe even a little more...

you get tired of trying... tired of caring... what's the use? what's the sense? is the pain, are the bad dreams worth it?

the fights, the lonely nights, the anger inside... this can't be what it's supposed to feel like, right? insecurity, fear, self loathing... where does it all come from? what happens to the happy go lucky? where did it go? it happy-ed itself out and it's laughing at us somewhere from behind a painted veil...

i don't even know if i ever knew what happy was... things went all too quickly and in a flash i guess they're done.

life's too short to hold on to things that aren't good... that don't make you smile at every turn... life's to short to stumble around in a haze or to walk on egg shells.

what the fuck do i do?