the chronicals of me

so... folks... yes. i am here in the land that canooks love...

it's warm, it's cold, there's a tim horton's on every block and a hooker on every corner. wait... that's just my corner? only outside my apartment building, stomping around in her ugly shoes and too tight leotard?

you may ask, who are you to critique the style of a whore, but honestly. if she added a little more glitz and glamour, maybe she could move off of my block and... well... up to the other one, where people actually want to pick up sex off the side of the road. *shudder*.

so anyway. br and i went for dinner tonight and, not like home, everything is a mile and a half away and we decided to walk there and back. the food was good, the ambiance just right, the drinks strong - like i like them. you could say all in all it was a pleasant date.

we're walking back home and decide to turn down our street (on a serious tip, we aren't too pleased with the area and why take the risk? the odds may be stacked in my favour but i'm not a freakin moron. you don't invite that kind of attention... unless you're really good at kung fu and you just want to practice on some unsuspecting ignorami)... so anyway we're walking down the street and there's this huge crowd, spaning the block - a city block - and we're like... wtf? what's going on? because, when you walk past a huge crowd you immediately *must know* what's going on, because then if you don't you're not "with it"... you're an "outsider" and you won't have anything to talk about tomorrow. needless to stay we stopped and rubbernecked like the rest of them. huge crowd... can you blame us?
being the avid journalist that i am, with my mind never turning off, i decided to enlighten myself and find out just who the hell i was waiting for. limos, crowds, po-po with weapons - this has got to be big right? i ask the guy behind me and his girlfriend, who were waiting just as anxiously as we were, who the hell we were waiting for. they didn't know. but why should i have been surprised? the phenomenon is not specific to only me...

so i waited a little longer and i asked someone else. he had a tape recorder and a steely look aboutt him. this guy had to be "in the know".
"it's borat..." he says offhandedly...
"okay... but who are we waiting for?"
"borat," he says increadulously... but his increadulousness is lost on me...
"okay but like what's with all the limos? like... who's everyone waiting for?" i'm innocent people... okay? sweet?
"borat... you know,ali g?" at this point, someone else pipes up and saves this dude from ramming his tape recorder through my forehead and storming off in a brooding huff (yea.. he was brooding... attractive*puke*) ...
epiphany dawns on me in an "ooooooohhhhh...." moment... and then i'm disappointed. here i was thinking it was someone *important* ... cuz it'd be something to scream about if brangalina and the kidlings were lurking around somewhere... i'd wait in line from 3 in the morning in the freezing cold and snow to wait for *that*.

but no... it was borat. before we slinked off ourselves we overheard the brooder mention that this borat character would be arriving on a donkey. or something...

a donkey? we had to stick around for that!

and by now i guess your wondering... did he? yes. he actually did... well... he arrived *with* a donkey, sort of... standing behind him... and the crowd went wild.

apparently borat is some sort of cult figure celebrity in this crazy country... they absolutely adore him... kids were trying to scale trees just to get a glance at this unruly mustachioed mascot with his double thumbs up and smug smile.

sadly... my first celebrity sighting was of someone i don't even consider a celebrity. i'm disappointed. also, my camera batter died *right* when i was about to snap a blurry and distanced picture, and my phone camera is absolutely mentally challenged.

the next sighting better be like.. joan crawford or kathy griffan. cuz if not, i just don't know. i'll be disallusioned with the city forever.