dear jebus - a sacriligious agnostics prayer

dear jebus

please give me the strength to get through this day without fucking off someone on the way to or from work

please give me the strength to answer my phone "good day" instead of "what the fuck do you want"

please offer me the ability to maintain a conscious cool when i'm hungry and haven't been able to go to lunch yet

please give me the strength not to strangle the person walking 2 mph in front of me when i'm trying to get food

please provide me with the power to restrain myself from reaching over the counter and jabbing a soda cup down the throat of the overweight fast food server who's waddling around and not giving me my grilled chicken burger

please give me the strength to deal with ignorance on a daily basis

but most of all jebus... PLEASE give me the strength to get through one more boring pain in the ass motherfucking goddamned piece of shit ass pussy smelling day without taking my own life