i should always be suspicious

because whenever something somewhat good happens, or things are running, at least i think, smoothly... something goes wrong and i'm reminded that there's no real reason i'm here other than to make other people feel better at my failures.

apparently, i make my boyfriend miserable. i guess that's because i don't want him smoking in the apartment because you know, second hand smoke and the smell and all. god, i'm a horrible person aren't i? maybe it's that i want him to help out a little more around the place. cuz... that's what happens, responsibility... you know? that's what happens when you get older. you're supposed to mature and be responsible... that and care about the person you say you care about...

why do i keep failing?