skewed life view

my...

2007-07-23T09:52:00.001-07:00

it has been awhile...

i haven't looked around this here old blog in a few weeks...

*rummaging through old boxes, stacked newspapers, and cobwebs. finds book, blows dust off cover, replaces*

it's been really hectic in my life lately... lots of shiz going down and none of it particularly pleasant (as if shiz is ever pleasant). politics, work, relationships, life - it all gets you down.

i'm just plain tired... of it all! so much so i haven't even had the energy to hunt around my favourite blogs, although sometimes i do and they bring a much needed smile to my face.

one more month and a week left in this country... can't wait to get back to my life in the t-dot. i've got a few things to look forward to, like movies on wednesday, and my friend liz is coming down to visit for a week *yay*...

maybe i'll be hanging around here a little bit in the next few weeks, but i wouldn't count on it. i'll probably get back to my regularly scheduled blogging once i get back to cda.

until then, peace out ya'll...

international playboy

2007-07-02T08:59:00.001-07:00

i totally just pirated this cd from a good friend of mine (thanks, j!!)... i love this band. maybe it's his immature voice - i can't wrap my head around it just yet - or maybe it's the rock instrumentals but this band... i love them!
however, i have to admit even though after first listening to and falling in love with the album, after subsequent... listenings... i've decided it seems like they phoned in a lot of the lyrics.
don't get me wrong, adam i lurve you... but there's a lot of chorus repetition, long pauses, and vocal play - it's kinda like they wrote something because the deadline came up and they were pressed for time.
somewhat disappointing... the first album was great, i'm hoping the next blows me away

Black Bush

2007-06-21T10:13:00.001-07:00

no matter how many times i watch this, i laugh my ass off...

"oil? who said anything about oil, bitch, you cookin?"

LOL

2007-06-14T11:10:00.001-07:00

this one is for jamie who recently learned what it's like to be nose to the wind and seconds from imminent death.

all of y'all who read this here blog know i am from an island. this island is only yay big and we people are only allowed so many vehicles.

when you turn 16 in america, it's a right of passage to get a car. although it may be a death trap, it's four walls of metal and plastic that protect you from the elements and give you a false sense of security.
when you turn 16 here, you get a scooter. some of these scooters are automatic. some of them are gear. no false sense of security there. it's just you and whatever nature has to throw at you.

and when you get a scooter you get a 50, because anything else is too powerful. considering young people are really stupid, that's too much power for them. they're killing themselves on the 50s - it'd be like giving a suicidal person a loaded gun.
tourists get 50's too. they practice in the parking lot of the rental place before they're sent off on their merry ways. most of them do about 35 km/h. sometimes they careen off the road into the bushes.

when i was 16 i got a little malaguti centro in blue. how i loved that little bike...

i was absolutely frightened to ride it. i still can't figure out how you stay on it - there's no seat belt... add to that the treacherous condition of bermudian roads and the abundance of corners and curves, you've got a recipe for ignorant disaster. but then you add weather into the mix. wind and rain. sometimes it's almost impossible to ride because the wind is just throwing you left right and center. and then the water makes the asphalt slick and all of a sudden *bam*! you're down.
this is evidenced by the many road deaths each year, a vast majority of those being young people, under 30. one of the saddest being a tourist, a mother, who was visiting with her family. i think she had a day left before she was struck by a mac like truck pulling a trailer.

so now i'm a pretty cautious rider. but i wasn't always so...

case in point:
one morning i was late for school, i guess i was going a little too fast. i got to the top of a hill. i don't really know what happened, but somehow i lost control - the bike went sideways and i went down. slid out. right on the center line.

i remember i slid to a stop but the bike kind of kept going... i laid in the middle of the road, dazed and somewhat confused, when a white van drove past. no. it didn't stop.

the woman i'd passed earlier came along and, concerned, leaned out and asked if i was okay. still shocked, i'm sure i blinked at her as i peeled myself off the pavement, and made my way to my bike.

"i'm okay, thanks," i said. i picked up the bike and wheeled it to the side of the road. i was lucky that i'd been wearing some thick layers of rain gear. i don't think i had road rash... but i hurt my hand. it was still raining on me as i stood next to the bike, shaking. also, i was still late for school.

i readjusted myself on the bike, turned it on, sat there. thought about it. sat there some more. then took off, somewhat more slowly than before.

you have to get back on or else you never will. it's like riding a horse... you work through the fear or you let it consume you.

after that, i always said to myself if i ever had another accident where i ended up on the ground, i'd just lay there and wait for someone to help me up.

and i've had other accidents. two of which i remained on the bike. the sound plastic makes when it hits plastic is something you never forget. it's louder than everything else, and it sticks with you... like a *thwock*. it's distinctive. i get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when i hear it. that, the screech of tires and blaring horns. *shudder*

the second time i ate pavement, i didn't stay on the ground and wait for someone to come find me.

i must have fallen asleep, it was around four in the morning. i'd been drinking heavily and was riding along a deserted and relatively straight stretch of road. i woke up next to the bike, which was on it's side and sputtering away.

i was in shock. complete shock because i don't remember feeling anything and i really should have. i picked the bike up and put it on it's stand. turned it off. it was pretty heavy. i picked up all my things that had come out of my bag and put them back, tossing the coolers that were stashed in there as far as i could away from me. i tried to use my phone but i either couldn't figure it out or the battery was dead.

i must of looked a real sight - i tried to flag down three cars, none of them stopped. what were they expecting so early in the dark morning? that i was going to rob them? eventually, one car stopped and the guy who got out was an emt.

he told me he didn't think he should stick around because he was drunk too, and it was pretty obvious that i'd been drinking. he called the police and gave me a towel to hold to my face. he had to tell me what to do.

i don't know if he waited, or how long it took but all of a sudden there were police officers, a fire truck and ambulance folks surrounding me. i felt like a circus attraction - did they really need all those people there? i didn't crash and burn for their amusement.

a fireman knelt down in front of me and asked me questions, "where does it hurt? do you know where you hit?" i'm sure i just shook my head in response. i heard a police officer on the phone with my mom - i'm not sure how they got their number so fast - as she tried to console her. i heard another one make a quip about how he'd pulled me over the night before because my tail light was out. where was he when i really needed him?

the officer was working through my jeans with a pair of scissors. i think it's the only time i cried.

i remember being in the ambulance, but not how i got there. it was hard to stay steady as it rocked and rolled on it's way to the hospital. the emt told me to stay awake.

i remember being on a hospital bed and shaking so badly they had to pile the blankets on to try to get me to stop. i remember the fear in my parents voices and on their faces as they watched their little girl shudder under the fluorescent lights. it was surreal.

they took out my tongue ring so they could take x-rays. i fell asleep.

i remember my dad wheeling me out of the hospital to the car, and the officer stopping us, making us go back inside so she could take my blood and test it for alcohol.

i remember waiting at the dentist's office for our emergency visit, stitches.

and i remember holding my dad's hand and squeezing it, tears rolling down my face, as the dentist poked around in my mouth.

i don't think i ever felt any pain, which is amazing. somehow, i'd landed on my face - i knocked out three teeth and ruined a fourth, i had road rash from my eyebrows to my chin, on my left knee, on my right wrist, strange scratches down my left leg. there were no witnesses so no one will ever know what really happened.

my trip to the zoo

2007-06-12T05:58:00.000-07:00

as much as i would love to be a photographer, i believe their species is *totally* overrepresented in this society, and there's nothing i hate more than being thought of as a follower... i like things that are unique. i don't want to take pictures for pictures sake... so i'll follow things around with my little 4 inch digital camera that i can break out just about anywhere. it gets the job done, right?

hence, my visit to the zoo, with my little cousin sinder, who just turned 8. i haven't blogged about sinder's situation yet... it makes me far to angry. no no, it's nothing like he has an incurable disease or anything like that... just... you know family :s. anyway... i just really wanted to spend some time with him because he deserves it so we went to the bermuda aquarium museum and zoo (bamz), even though the weather was pretty stinky.

harrington sound...
eee! if you look closely you can see the shadow of, i believe it's a wallaby but i could be wrong.

bear cat!!

another wallaby, but this one's much smaller... and sleeping...

look how cute it is! i can't believe it sat still long enough for this...

feral peacock!!!
pretty pink birds. i probably should have taken the pic more close up... because they were such a beautiful colour...

some turtles on a log...

harrington sound...

this is my smelly friend andrew... he works there on sundays - right now he's about to go help clean out the big tortoise holding pen... omg did that *smell*... my other friend helen works at the bamz too... she gave us a tour of the slimy scaly things in the back. sinder got a real kick out of that... i on the other hand, did not.

tree kangaroo! i love these little guys... although i think they're might only be one now...*sniffle*

flamingos aren't native to bermuda... but there was one that hung around one of the ponds for awhile. i think they recaptured it and put it back with it's buddies here... i like flamingos. i guess all birds are cute but there's something about flamingos that i enjoy.

surrogate pets

2007-06-08T10:48:00.001-07:00

so... since i had to leave the boys behind, i was forced to make friends with a few feral kitties and a dog.

this is rosie. she's the female of the bunch and quite saucy at that. i like her, although she won't let me touch her. yet.

this is one of my favourite photos, composition wise, but it shows rosie and her brother sylvester. he kind of took to the tenant and she pretty much owns him now. he's the only one allowed inside. he's pretty friendly and doesn't bite me! unlike some people i know *cough*napoleon*cough*

five seconds before i took the shot the three of them were lined up behind each other, it would have been so perfect. damn them for moving. but this shows rosie and her other brother, spikey (listen, i didn't name him okay? i would have chosen Confucius or something like that...) he's very gaunt but also, quite affectionate. i wanna feed him tuna fish and let him sleep on the couch.

this is peugeot. i think he's 8. i don't know what type of dog he is, i can't figure it out. he's like an ambiguous, amorphous dog. with lots of energy. he's like he drinks coffee or redbulls all day long. this is a rare moment of tranquility. when he's not barking at the cats or falling leaves or dust or the water... he's being cute.

like this...

cats just erupt into spontaneous fights man... but rosie's a warrior. i think she won. i dunno he was getting too fresh so she took him out.

see how alike they look in the face? it's pretty cool... they don't sit still long though...

my dad can't stand it but they're very keen on being all up on the roof... since we collect rain water that runs off the roof, he isn't impressed with little dirty cat footies tramping all over it.

i just like the way this one looks.

guilty pleasure

2007-06-04T11:57:00.001-07:00

i've had this song in my head for the last few months...

these may be...

2007-05-28T12:35:00.000-07:00

a few of the reasons why i don't mind coming back to the island...

this is one of the first things you see before you get off the plane. the first thing you see is a lot of blue ocean... then it changes colour a bit as we approach land and then you see reefs, land, and little white houses dotted throughout the green... we're overpopulating this little island but it looks pretty from above.

this is the view from my parents veranda. normally the sun is a big burning ball of red, pink, orange and yellow... it's awe inspiring really.

especially when you consider i look at this on a regular basis...

i am...

2007-05-16T09:17:00.000-07:00

tired today!

talk about random

2007-05-14T17:54:00.000-07:00

this one's for you miss k

us drunken fools chased the man down in order to get a picture for our scavenger hunt... although we was supposed to get a picture of this... we got a prize for most original clue/hint though!

although we had to promise to go visit him after... and we totally didn't.

is it bad...

2007-05-14T11:46:00.000-07:00

... that the longer i'm at home the more i feel the need to down vodka and cran after vodka and cran?

feist; one evening

2007-05-10T07:34:00.001-07:00

something about feist makes me happy... she's got such a innocent, vulnerable voice - there's nothing abrasive about her.
her videos are so tastefully done and so incredibly artistic...
what do you think?

just because

2007-05-03T16:12:00.000-07:00

you've heard the saying, "when the cat's away the mice will play"?... well... that's the case when earl leaves the house. napoleon is free to be the nutcase that we know and love him to be. one day we were just fooling around, me chasing him, him chasing me, and for some reason he ended up with one of earl's one time favourite toys and it was just the absolute cutest thing i've ever seen in my entire life. well, just about everything napoleon does it the absolute cutest thing i've ever seen in my entire life. but seriously...
so anyway... i thought it was a one off thing until i gave it to him again...
and this is the result:

you know you can't deny that that shit is cute. look at it!

back in the black

2007-05-03T07:43:00.000-07:00

so ladies and gentlemen, i'm back in the wonderful world of island life (although it's not so wonderful because i'm bored of it already... gees-a-loo the prices are ridiculous, the quality of the food is sub-par and i feel greasy!)

we had to make the tough decision that br would be staying behind to look after our little brats... wah! four months and no man! i'm devastated! *sniffle* all the troubles that we were having earlier this year seem to have gone on sabbatical. let's all hope they decide not to come back... and as they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder! i think we need this time to mature and learn more about ourselves as individuals... we were getting too used to defining ourselves as a couple and started forgetting the importance of our own needs... or we were starting to forget how our individual needs affected the other person, so it's also a good time to weed out those habits that aren't necessary in our lives.

i'm working back at the paper and things are going well... i'm happy for once here. let's hope it stays that way, right?

i also feel pretty good about myself lately... it helps that almost everyone i've seen since i've been back has mentioned how good i look. you don't really notice the changes that you make to yourself because you see yourself every day, but everyone else does... that hard work that i put in over the 8 months that i was away really made a difference. how could i stop now? i'm shooting for the moon and at least a size 5. there's nothing wrong with that, especially when you think about competing professionally... which i do all the time. i've started up a running programme, well more a brisk walk to jog programme and by the end of it i should be able to run a 5k... we'll see... i should at least have shed a few more pounds...

at any rate... aside from not having br here every waking minute and having to bunk with my folks again (now i have to manage my shower time and i'm so used to spending half the day in there) things are going okay... it's not so bad living with the parents - i think my enthusiasm to be healthy is infectious, they're eating better dinners (less carbs) and my mom even hopped on the bike last night while i was doing my job. if i can get my parents on a better track then this whole experience would be worth it...

skinny jeans...

2007-04-15T18:08:00.000-07:00

of all people on earth, i know skinny jeans aren't meant for everyone... and of all people, skinny jeans weren't constructed with myself in mind. i know this, yet still... still... i had th audacity to go out, try on a pair, and actually buy the suckers. how dare i!

the bonus on that... they cost me a cool $10. yes folks, that's it. ten. count that on your fingers.

back to the story at hand. i was loathe to follow the skinny pant trend, as so many people will fall head-over-heels into these fashion faux pauxs because they're popular at the time. a lot of people don't consider their body type when they buy things because they want to look like everyone else. i know i can't wear a pencil skirt because it makes my bottom half look like an upside down pear - not attractive. i know i can't pull off leggings and a "long" t-shirt because i.just.can't.

but there it is. i went out and tried them on and bought me a pair and you know what? maybe i'm not meant for skinny pants but these jeans actually looked kinda good on me. and at 10 bucks, how can you go wrong?
they look pretty good, eh? maybe they accentuate the hip area a little too much but i'm not that concerned. i wear a lot of longer shirts to offset the size of my ample booty as it is. and i skanked about all night in my favourite new leopard print shoes, those sexy bastards. at the end of the evening i was wishing i could cut my feet off at the ankles but pain is beauty my friends. pain = beauty.

if you think i am a bargain shopper, you are dead wrong aussi. these guy just kinda filled the void for my need for these:
(click for bigger)

citizens of humanity jeans at aritzia for $238. i adore these jeans... i made the mistake of trying them on while shopping as therapy. yes... i will be dropping some serious cash on these things cuz they're so fabulous and they make me look *great*.

remember when...

2007-04-12T20:21:00.000-07:00

it was the last day of school and you and your friends would get all excited about the things you'd be doing on summer vacation, like heading off to the beach, or summer camp, or even visiting family. you'd wait patiently all day (as if you hadn't been waiting patiently since school began all those long months ago) for the bell to ring, singling you've successfully survived another angst ridden, homework laden school year. no more teachers, no more books... no more forced physical education. for the next four months, it's all fun, sun, sand and the pleasant stupor that comes with slowly forgetting everything you learned.

when that time finally came at our school, the ties came off*, socks rolled down, some kids pulled out their sharpies and adorned their best friends school shirts with yearbook messages, while others, a few relatively misguided youth, would get so caught up in the moment that they'd toss their text and work books off the side of the ferry into the middle of the harbour on their way into town*.

so maybe this time i didn't have to wait for the bell, but those feelings of excitement i used to have at the end of the year still welled up inside as i waited for my last class of first year - it was french 201 and i went out with a bang too. j'ai passe ma presentation francaise. a -.

i made it. i survived. part of me didn't think it would happen. school's a lot harder than most of us remember - a lot of pressure to do well. being older makes it that much more difficult, as you question yourself and your intelligence constantly. am i as good as these kids? almost everyone i graduated high school with has finished university and have good jobs or are married, etc.
there's pressure to do well but then there's pressure to conform with the rest of my peers as well. it might be in my head but it's still there. what's so wrong with me that i'm not like everyone else?

but i take solace in the fact that i'm (hopefully) finally on the right path for me.

and maybe i don't get to fart around all summer learning how to make macramé vests or pickling at the beach. my summers now mean work, and lots of it. but who feels guilty for me? i've spent most of the last eight months vegging on this very couch where i sit now.

so... welcome to summer vacation everyone. two exams and three weeks from now i'll be back on my island home for the next four months, working my fingers to the bone, enjoying good food, good friends and good sunshine.

boy, did i miss it.

*maybe a few of these memories are strictly an islander thing - we had the uniforms throughout primary, middle and high schools, and some kids got to ride the ferry from school into town. i was never one of those kids because i always took the bus home, 45 minutes each way, because it was direct and i wouldn't have to wait around with the hoodlums that transfered in town.

rehab

2007-04-05T22:24:00.001-07:00

i don't know what it is about her, but i really dig amy winehouse.

she's got that sexy, could be italian, could be greek look going on and i would love to be just like her.
if i were a guy, or even a lesbian, it might be love.

for now, lets just call it harmless infatuation...

hear that amy? let's be friends.

i should always be suspicious

2007-04-03T14:34:00.000-07:00

because whenever something somewhat good happens, or things are running, at least i think, smoothly... something goes wrong and i'm reminded that there's no real reason i'm here other than to make other people feel better at my failures.

apparently, i make my boyfriend miserable. i guess that's because i don't want him smoking in the apartment because you know, second hand smoke and the smell and all. god, i'm a horrible person aren't i? maybe it's that i want him to help out a little more around the place. cuz... that's what happens, responsibility... you know? that's what happens when you get older. you're supposed to mature and be responsible... that and care about the person you say you care about...

why do i keep failing?

2 years

2007-04-02T16:52:00.000-07:00

even though it feels like forever and we're constantly going back and forth with each other... we made it 2 years. what does this mean? it either means we're both really dedicated or both really effing stupid.

sometimes i think the latter...

in other news... i'm homesick and not paying attention to school anymore.

BLAH. when is it over?

you know how things go...

2007-03-29T17:11:00.000-07:00

... and you know that things aren't always great. for me, lately, they've been pretty rotten.

because of the accident a few years ago i've had to wear a denture. it broke like, three sunday's ago. let me tell you, that thing was expensive. and we're *dirt* poor right now so needless to say i was devastated.

the next day, i woke up to a funny tightness in my chest. br had been sick all weekend, coughing and what no, and i was like... if i get sick i'm going to maul you. just my luck, i came down with the worst cold i've had in a long time. i was completely out of commission, coughing like a freakin lunatic. didn't leave the house. no school. no gym. no food even. the only upside to that week was i lost 5 pounds (remember that ladies - if ever you need to lose serious weight in a short time, rub up on some snotty kids or lick the subway hand rails. you'll see results in no time flat)

anyway... i had to get a new denture, which meant finding a new dentist and that was painful. although i'm not afraid of going to the dentist, i find i'm rather traumatized by the experience. i can be as happy as a pig in mud but after the dentist, i am no good.

i had to wait a week for the new piece. and during that time, i had to go to class and talk and you know... horrible things like that where people would be seeing me at my worst. and they did. and i lisped my way through french.

i've also been just plain low lately. br and i have been back and forth, off and on... it's been terrible. i haven't had the energy to go to the gym, eat properly, or even care. i've lost the will to pay attention to my school work. really? i just want to be left alone. right now, instead of working on my 2000 word essay about on don delillo's white noise and murray siskind's point of view in relation to the narrative, i'm blogging. procrastination, thou art thine enemy.
what's worse? in about an hour i have to do an interview for my news reporting class and i just don't feel like it. like i said, don't care anymore. but it's due tomorrow and i'll be damned if i'll hand that in late. the english teacher is more lenient than the news reporting teacher. because she's trying to teach us what real life is like. you know the kind. you've all encountered them.

the good news is, i got my appliance today. i hate it, really. it's uncomfortable and weird, nothing like the other one. although the colouring is much better. but that's neither here nor there.

i'm just really negative lately and i thought i'd share.

they did such a good job, you can't even tell...

bah!

2007-03-29T10:23:00.000-07:00

Your Vocabulary Score: B+

You have a zealous love for the English language, and many find your vocabulary edifying.
Don't fret that you didn't get every word right, your vocabulary can be easily ameliorated!

How's Your Vocabulary?

Claire Danes/Patrick Wilson - The Gap Commercial

2007-03-22T18:04:00.001-07:00

never been a big fan of claire but i totally love this commercial...

ruminate on this

2007-03-22T16:37:00.000-07:00

so really... i'm just sitting here tonight watchin my good ol' television when i start to thinkin about how unnecessary the stuff going on in there is...

at the risk of sounding like an old foggie, there's too much blatant sexuality running around on screen and in the streets and on the covers and in the pages of magazines. when did this become so common place? i mean... i know our dear friend brittany spears and the siren xtina are to blame for the beginning of the movement but all of a sudden i feel like i've been slapped in the face with this... overtness of sexuality.

sex is pretty much everywhere. i'm surprised br feels he still needs it with all the scantily to near nekkidly clad women crawling around all over the place.

when did being sexy become a recognizable and celebrated attribute? i guess it's always been inherent in society - the prettiest people go the furthest and what have you... but seriously... isn't it a really fucked up way of being?

okay, okay... i believe in survival of the fittest and i think we're all searching for that one mate who is genetically perfect and strong to produce the healthiest offspring. i believe that... but... weren't we calling people who dance on pole's strippers a few years ago? i thought we didn't really like them... they were synonymous with seedy dives, grease and venereal disease. now everyone wants to be a stripper. sure they make good money... but i don't want to bring one home to *my* parents...

it's like society is so completely obsessed with sex and sexiness... how can anyone be sexy anymore? it used to be something special but now it's everyone... it's a heterosexual lovefest. then we get mad when the homosexual's want to get in on the action but how the hell can that be fair?

and we wonder why babies have become the latest in fashion accessories. younger and younger, we're being inundated with sexual images from the time we burst forth onto the scene... how could impressionable young minds not want to participate? look how happy those girls seem, wearing nothing and bumpin' and grindin up on these boys, how happy those boys look, boys who aren't really even trying to win a girl's heart, who just show up in the biggest t-shirt, lowest baggy jeans and shiniest bling. bam! i got me a woman.

who cares if you can't understand what i'm saying because of my grill. look at the bling! so what if my pants are so baggy you could fit two of my gangsta buddies up in there with me... i got ladies! cuz you know why? ladies ain't got no standards now days.

maybe ladies don't have standards anymore. there aren't enough role models out there... and the ones that claim "i don't want to be a role model" need to take a step back and realise they're in the public eye, with lots of money and cool clothes. like it or lump it your influencing people so why not try to make a good difference instead of helping the next generation find their way into the gutter?

stop glorifying sex! it's good enough on it's own without everyone making references to it constantly! what happened to obscurity? what happened to subtlety?

le sigh. i'm locking my children in a box until they're 21 when i'll just turn them loose on society. i'm fine with that cuz they'll be old enough to make their own mistakes. i'm too afraid of them growing up to damn fast... don't you miss being a kid sometimes?

this is why you never go back (or... justice for all!)

2007-03-02T17:41:00.000-08:00

from the royal gazette feb 24, 26, and 27:

A man was sent to prison for six months on Friday for repeatedly failing to attend the Bermuda Regiment.

Jonathan Dale Hayes, 24, was enlisted in the Regiment in 2003 but has failed to show up more than 100 times.

The man, who lives on Park Lane, Devonshire, has been hauled before a Magistrate previously and reprimanded for failing to fulfil his duty.

In May 2005, he was given a six-month prison sentence, suspended for two years, for failing to show up to 16 sessions of Regiment training. In September 2005 he was brought before the courts again and given another suspended sentence for missing an additional 19 sessions of Regiment training.

Crown counsel Cindy Clarke did not say why Hayes suspended sentence from May was not enacted when he appeared before the court again in September.

Yesterday, Magistrate Khamisi Tokunbo said Hayes had been given multiple chances yet continues to flout the laws of the court.

He appeared in court yesterday for failing to attend 66 Regiment training sessions since February 2005.

Hayes said: "I want to say sorry to the courts and Regiment."

The 24-year-old was sent to prison for six months and his two suspended sentences will run concurrently to his current sentence.

if only i could have been in the front row of the court... i think i might have been thrown in contempt because i wouldn't have been able to stop myself from laughing my ass off...
if you haven't guessed by now... the loser described above was my *shudder* ex and he really made a mess of my life. i... well... was "unfaithful" the night he finished his first year training course.

needless to say... please... laugh away!

this is the end

2007-02-27T08:56:00.000-08:00

and i don't know how to deal with it...

i mean... it's not like i haven't been through it before... it's not like i don't know what it feels like...

but it hurts just as much... maybe even a little more...

you get tired of trying... tired of caring... what's the use? what's the sense? is the pain, are the bad dreams worth it?

the fights, the lonely nights, the anger inside... this can't be what it's supposed to feel like, right? insecurity, fear, self loathing... where does it all come from? what happens to the happy go lucky? where did it go? it happy-ed itself out and it's laughing at us somewhere from behind a painted veil...

i don't even know if i ever knew what happy was... things went all too quickly and in a flash i guess they're done.

life's too short to hold on to things that aren't good... that don't make you smile at every turn... life's to short to stumble around in a haze or to walk on egg shells.

what the fuck do i do?

the land of oz

2007-02-22T18:59:00.000-08:00

although it may not be immediately obvious,

things have been shit lately. not just the weather, which has been ridiculous and full of itself... but my relationship and other things too...

you know how things just go down hill... and fall apart slowly... that's how things feel lately. like they're falling apart. like all the pieces are coming unglued...

that's why i haven't posted anything interesting. that's why i haven't done anything interesting. o but i bought a new phone... well it's not new it's three years old and it's totally a piece of crap but whatever. it's just for communication purposes right? cost me $35.. plus $10 to have the line transfered right then and there... which was awesome because how could i have lived without a phone?
i also bought makeup and a shirt today. nothing is good unless it costs you money. i'm starting to learn this. it's a hard lesson.

i tried on a dress at h&m and it didn't fit my biceps. i was sad because i liked it and i wanted it. whatever.

also, i'm thinking of becoming a personal trainer. i mean, we'll see how it all works out and if i can transform myself enough to not seem like a walking hypocrite.... i'll keep you informed.

anyway. vodka and cranberry's are calling me and they won't wait forever.

peace out y'all. see you when the dust settles.

hello fate

2007-02-09T21:33:00.000-08:00

how i hate you...

so close and yet so far.

gwen stefani will be playing in my neighbourhood this year. wouldn't that be great? i think it would be...

but you know what?

i'm going back home at the end of april. and she'll be here in may. i couldn't even afford to come back.

damn you fates... damn your well dressed hides!

so cute...

2007-02-05T11:49:00.001-08:00

you just wanna eat them! omg they're so cute

snow!

2007-01-24T21:11:00.000-08:00

so really it's been snowing for the last few days, and there's already been a few days of the crunchy white stuff under foot but i'm lazy and don't take my camera out often enough... but today i did because it snowed on our way home from the gym, like big fat white fluffy flakes. it was kinda "romantic" *puke away from keyboard*, our first outside snow fall together.

so we took early poo out for a play in the powder and he totally enjoys it... chasing after balls and bringing them back. just like a man :|. LOL i crack myself up. neway. here's the images i captured before my battery died *again* and my hands froze.
as freakin cold as it is, i'm actually enjoying the snow. it's nice to have more than one season... or at least a definitive line between seasons instead of one continuous blob of a season. we haven't built any snow men or anything yet. we'd probably look really retarded and get teased out of the village. also, there isn't enough snow. does it ever snow really deep in the city? i feel like there's too much... *life* out here for it to get too deep... constant movement and heat...

in other, more interesting and pertinent news, i am two pounds away from my mini goal weight, very exciting people. very exciting. from there, it's only 15 more perilous pounds to my actual goal. i'm trying to get my fat bumpy into the gym more often and thankfully, my wonderful trainer, we'll call her,jennylee, not that she is jennylee but she really looks like her. sorta... anyway. the point is, now that our sessions are over, she's workin out with me, which is cool because she really knows what she's doing and it really pushes me. which i what i need. and i totally said which way too many times.

*UPDATE* i still enjoy snow, however i thoroughly dislike the bitter cold wind that it brings with it that makes the snot freeze solid to my tender face. i don't like that at all...

unsolicited commentary

2007-01-20T18:06:00.000-08:00

i have just seen a movie that changed my life. well... maybe not in so many words changed my life but made me laugh, cry, hate, love, fear and confidant all in the space it took to get from the opening credits to the closing.

little miss sunshine

i guess i was biased from the beginning because i love steve carell and greg kinnear. they're both absolutely amazing actors, especially carrell who i absolutely love in the office as the without-a-clue boss. he's endearing and sometimes makes me embarrassed for him.

but this movie, with that adorable little girl, abigail breslin, was so adorable and heartfelt... i wanted to squish her to bits.

anyway. if you haven't seen it, you have to see it, because it was just so amazing.

now pictures of napoleon.

hmm... where'd the fish go.

are you contemplating myself as i am?

i eat you fish. your resistance is futile.

somethings make me laugh

2007-01-17T15:56:00.000-08:00

and one of those things is earl in booties...

laugh with me people... i know i died. just. died.

in the elevator going outside.
earl doesn't much like being held when he could be walking so he made it difficult to take a decent picture... first shot of the booties. see me in the reflection of the mirror. i got a new sweater yesterday and i love it. it's under my now ugly green jacket.
earl making a new friend.
we live in the village and it's a very animal friendly neighborhood. our building has a specific dog park where all the canine muttly's can run around free of the ever oppressive leash, sniffing butt and marking their territory. earl's one of the smaller dogs and he tries really hard to play with the big boys but usually they just ignore him
ah ha! look at those stupid boots!
he was running up and down the snow, slipping and sliding cuz he can't really gain purchase with no nails... poor thing... but his feet were going all over the place and i just died laughing... dogs in shoes are so funny cuz they don't know how to walk. i suggest you try it if you haven't. i gotta learn how to put video on this thing so i can tape him and you can see for yourselves.

yay! progress!

2007-01-16T09:32:00.000-08:00

two posts in one today people... brace yourselves.

so friday i had a party for my b-day and a couple of my gal pals came over to help me celebrate with alcohol and br's food. also cake. delicious chocolate cake.

i drink a lot of alcohol. we handled a magnum of zinfandel, one bottle of white, a bottle of asti and about 2/3's of a big bottle of smirnof vodka. mmm... vodka. also? good birthday present? gray goose.

it's kinda crazy how manic i'm lookin in this pics. i was over happy and over drunk. you know? we over indulge.
i also go a set of "sexy" lingerie, a cool t-shirt from one of my fav stores (aritzia.com) and some delicious pasta, sauce and server from williams sonoma, where br would like to buy expensive things from.

yay birthdays!

next... this weekend we made a trip out to kensington market, toronto's local feel good area. they have a lot of vintage and second hand clothing stores peppered in with foreign cuisines and inexpensive produce. it's where we go to splurge on our veggies and fruits cuz you can't get a bag of veggies and fruits from the local grocery store for under $10. you really can't.

but also, lettuce knits is there and i fell in love as soon as i walked across the threshold of that place. i wish i had had my camera on this occasion because in one of the cubbys, on top of the wool, there was this gorgeous black cat all sleepin. he was so cute! you really didn't notice at first but then bam he's there. adorable. so i decided to start on a new project for my friend smelby.

say hello to the ladylike lace gloves. those of you out there who are already avid snb'ers will recognise these from the happy hooker.

i really like the look of these gloves, their cute... but the pattern was hard as hell to execute. i thought i was going to die... but did you know the first printing of the book is riddled with errors? i didn't know that either until i found the corrections online.

so i finally got through it with a lot of tears and sweat and words not suitable for the office. but unfortch, it's too huge and gigantic for my friend, who has small hands. so i'm frogging the bastard and starting all over again, with the right directions. wanna see the finished product though? of course you do. you love everything i do.

front and back views for your perusal:

ya'll i'm drunk

2007-01-12T23:09:00.000-08:00

yea... again

i'm drunk again! we had fun tonizight...

and i went to a club for the first time in a while and got a little drunker and actually had fun. i completely forgot my camera so no pics from that but... yea

br went to the bathroom for like a minute and two seconds after he was gone this fat guy tried to get all up in my biznass. do you get that? chunky men clad in leather trying to get all up in your biznastyness? yea. i totally turned his moo-ing ass down.

hey! i'm 21!

it's ma birfday y'all

2007-01-11T20:21:00.000-08:00

and like all other good women i will not reveal my age.

you all get it...

happy birfday me!

check out my new side bar list... as i peruse the internets i'll keep adding to that... but you get the idea

acheived

2007-01-05T23:04:00.000-08:00

you know... sometimes you put your mind to something and then you get it done...

usually i'm the type of person that, even if i put my mind to it, i don't achieve it. but you know what? this isn't one of those cases.

on this blog i've gone on and on about weight loss and blah blah blah... but lately (before the new year) i've actually made a concerted effort to do something about being overweight.

i really never liked feeling like the fat friend but when one of your best friends is under 90 lbs and the other is walking around with double d's you sorta feel out of place and completely unattractive. but why? i am a pretty girl... it only took me 23 years to see it. but away from that... i've been trying to lose the weight i've put on since my world went tumbling down about two and a half years ago. so many things to deal with, you know what i mean? life problems?

so before i started to rack up all that weight i purchased a pair of rock and republics for $170 down from $200.

anyone that follows that line of fashion... you know... rocks? you know they are one kind of costly jean. i've seen a pair for over 300 that i'm so in love with i need to buy them or else i'll never be happy again. okay maybe that's an exaggeration but...

okay okay... so maybe tonight i've had one too many drinks but.... i decided to try my rocks on again. seriously? i've been working out because i want to fit back into my jeans. they're awesome and last summer i busted the zipper only to keep getting bigger and bigger to the point where i couldn't even pull them up over my thighs. talk about irrational crying.
but tonight, after a few drink, i pulled them all the way up, buttoned them and can sit down comfortably.

am i excited? ask br, who is watching me prance around in my newly fitting again jeans and sexy ass leopard print stilettos.
u know the ones.

i feel so sexy right now... it might just be the liquor but... dayum. i'm all that and a bag of chips yo

happy new year bitches

2006-12-31T21:06:00.001-08:00

hello my lovelies

2006-12-26T16:20:00.000-08:00

say hello to my new love... say hello!!!
aren't they loverly? *le sigh* the heel is 4 1/2 inches high and they're just begging to be stared at. STARE AT ME they say... and i do... and i've been walking around in them... i love them

o and ya, my toes may look a little uncomfy but they totally aren't. sadly, my right foot is a little bigger than my left foot... if i had them made to only fit me i'd have a 9 and a 9 1/2... cuz 10 is just tooo big. i can't wait to go out in these.

i also got a pair of reasonably sensible work shoes and a pair of winter boots for when the snow decides to rear it's ugly head. i'm not ready for snow... but my feet will be! lets get another look at those sexy shoes...

ba-bam! maybe i should invest in a pair of those black stockings with the line right up the back... i like those, like pin-up sexy.

we hit the boxing day sales today, which weren't really sales so much as the stores knocking between 5 and 7 bucks off their merchandise and offering a few deals, like buy two get one free sort of thing. not what i consider a sale but whatevs.

i'm not one for crowds either so i couldn't stand the mall for two long... the first store we hit up br had to leave for a bit because of the pushing and shoving and overheated-ness of the place. like good god. why did i ever consider retail? retarded. that's what it was. i got three shirts and ran outta there. i wanted to go into abercrombie but the goddamn lines were coming out the doors both ways for miles and i don't do lines either (i'm not a diva, really i'm not). same was said of holister, mexx and a couple other name brands you'd expect to see lines at... like guess which is on the street. fuck that.

i like shopping but i ain't gonna wait out in the cold for it. unless it was like for manolo's and they were on sale for 10 bucks a pop and i was first in line. then i'd wait. but not for anything else.

neway. we also hit up ikea today. we must have missed the good sales there too cuz i wasn't impressed with anything. whatever country. whatevs...

wish me luck! i applied for a waitressing job. here's hopping for good news

if everyone's telling you it's wrong...

2006-12-22T18:23:00.000-08:00

... why would you still believe it's right?

i'm sure by now it's obvious that i have a huge shopping problem and perhaps less obvious i am in love with what not to wear...

one thing i don't understand? why people think that what they wear looks good and they want so badly to hold onto things when everyone, all the people they know and strangers on the street, think they look hideous. HIDEOUS.

if stacy and clinton (*i heart you too, honestly*) came to ravish my closet i'd let them throw out everything and hang on their every word.

i guess no one really likes to hear negative criticism about themselves but... i mean.... they're their to make you look better and feel better about yourself...

the funny thing is that most of the people are so stubborn and don't want to let go of their old looks but in the end they reluctantly have to agree that yes, if you take care of yourself and wear clothes that fit, do your hair and occasionally put on some make-up you actually look good.
first impressions my friends, first impressions. i very much believe in first impressions and find it hard to believe that lawyers, doctors, teachers, etc expect people to take them seriously when their first impressions are usually so negative.

bad fashion habits and bad habits that need to be removed from society...

now aren't those the faces of people who know what they'e doing with your closet? stacy - i want your job. and your hair.

xmas. it's xmas time and my folks are up for two weeks. yay! it's quite exciting but i realise as much as i love them i need to limit my time with them. something you learn when you get older eh? yea...

everyone's got their family stories... and i'm no different but in keeping with the theme of the post... my brother lives on the other side of the continent and my mom was trying to call him earlier on in the day.... apparently his girlfriend answered the phone and said "who the hell is this" and now ma mere is all in a tizzy because she don't take kindly to that kind of thing... but my bro is sayin she never said it and so's the girlfriend.

maybe i would think, hey, you know they're probably just defending her, but apparently she was in the room at the time of the alleged phone call with her father and his lady friend and they didn't hear the so-called "expletive"...

mater is up in arms and everyone is walking on eggshells to get her to let it go. i think it's the new fued for the year.

*le sigh*

*stuck in the middle with you... here i am stuck in the middle with you... clowns to the left of my jokers to the right here i am stuck in the middle with you*

merry xmas y'all! hope santa's as good to you as i've been to everyone else

move

2006-12-07T09:32:00.000-08:00

so you are all aware of the move.

we have found a wonderful new place and i'm please.

however. this wonderful new place is taking an unforseen and unwanted toll on my bank account and now i am forced to go out and bring home the proverbial bacon. right...

i *hate* job interviews... i don't like performing in front of others while i can watch them watch me (count stripping out... the theatre i can handle). but what i hate even worse are these goddamn group interviews where they throw a gaggle of over-excited, over-eager and undersexed girls into a ring and get them to answer a bunch of stupid, ill conceived questions that supposedly relate to working in retail. RETAIL. okay, i understand in doing your research and your homework and going in prepared... but these f*ck heads are asking you to bend over backwards impressing them so you can spend 8 hours straight on your feet raming merchandise down the throats of unsuspecting customers who really just came in for a pair of socks and maybe a hair brush, only to pay you a dollar over minimum wage, which is at least $10 less than what i was making at my full time job...

i know we all have to start somewhere, but to make it seem like this is the be all and end all is just ridiculous and i can't even bring myself to going into these things acting as if i care cuz i really don't. i just need a pay cheque to supplement my increasingly expensive habits and to pay the bills...

le sigh

with the good inevitably comes the bad

2006-12-03T21:45:00.000-08:00

so we moved and it was increadibly successful and i'm totally happy...

please don't disregard me as a hippy, high or on delicious shrooms, or that i spent some time with non-deodorant using tree huggers and am now named happy tree flower or some crud like that.. but this place is so much more *positive* than the other place...

trippy...

however.

kramer is no more... i am sad to say. my little fishy *snifffle* went and met his maker... *SOB*... he was forced outta this life two nights ago.
even though i carried him in his bowl from our old apartment up the street, got in a cab and made sure the water didn't splosh too much or spill over the top, carried him up the stairs and strained my already almost bulging muscles in order to ensure his happiness. we left him on the kitchen counter and napoleon has no respect for other beings that are living and decided kramer would probably be happier if he were out of the bowl and not in... so br woke to find kramer trying to be the real life nemo and my heart is broken.

he was a little life and we were here to protect and feed and care for him... a little life..

i'm too goddamn sensitive. someone slap me.

we've had more thereapy than the jews and charlie brown...

2006-11-30T09:03:00.000-08:00

the title has nothing to do with the post. i just quite enjoyed that line from the simpsons last night.

on to pressing news.

i'm sure most of you are aware of the living situation at hand, what with the crackheads out the window and br knowing the names of the unattractive and cheap ladies of the night that congregate outside our buildling...

we have finally rectified the situation and shall be moving. MOVING! yes. the fun part of it all? we're moving... TOMORROW. we've only had a week-ish to get ready and we're totally not packed yet and we haven't let the people of this building know yet so i don't know if the shite is going to hit the fan but we's OUTTIE. i may be unavailable for a few days as i will have to have the cable/internet company re-locate our service.

photo journaling

2006-11-23T15:47:00.000-08:00

i haven't a lot of time to post things lately, as is evident by my lack of postings... so here are some pics of the things in my life.

the latest addition to the family is kramer there on the left... no his tank is not dirty, he sits beside a very low light and the wall is a sea greenish type colour. and he's not a racist either...

the earl of pee is getting big and heavy. he's adorable and sweet and loving but he just pees... everywhere. *everywhere*. i'm so sick of stepping in urine.

sigh.

maybe i should start selling it as some sort of miracle cure...

so it's a short photo essay... but they'll get better with time

shopping is a bitch..

2006-11-10T09:01:00.000-08:00

... and then you die. please... someone stop me before i'm the most fashionable homeless person on the streets of toronto... because really? i can't stop spending my money on lovely things i do not need.

there are so many fabulous places to shop. the plastic is melting, the moths are floating out of the money section of my falling apart wallet... which reminds me, i need to get a new wallet ...

but it's not just clothes that i can't keep my mitts off of, it's house stuff too... like... curtains, carpets, throw rugs, paintings, pots, baskets, shelves, frames, faux fur, faux flowers, paint, pillows... ugh. the list goes on... you know what i mean! omg...

favourite television shows? ANTM and What Not To Wear - Stacy, Clinton... i *heart* you guys so much, let's be friends!!! ANTM? we're going to have to have a little chat. i'm not happy with your behaviour. i think you're hanging out with the wrong crowd. stop it.
and i can't forget HGTV's How Not To Decorate. cheeky british bastards. i *heart* them too...

now i have work to do. bite me homework. bite me.

that's exactly what it's supposed to look like!

2006-10-26T17:04:00.000-07:00

i like that commercial. it makes me laugh...

and please for the love of god. if your md looks like dr. mcdreamy, go here for a chance for you and your hot doc to be personal guests of universal studios and *shock* meet patrick dempsey.

cuz that's all you have to look forward to in your life.

bonjour, montreal!

2006-10-21T21:26:00.000-07:00

so i'm finally getting around to posting about my montreal trip, which was - despite being cut slightly tainted by the cat-capades of napoleon - quite nice.
i got to spend some much needed catching up time with my cousin sabs ...

we wandered around down a street in the city and found this cool little boutique with funky shades, belt buckles and those shirts that you can customize with one of their many iron on decals.
we tried on some crazy shades and i got some pics... check those retro frames - you know you want some.

br got a sexy pair of aviators... i'm a sucker for a mirrored lens folks, call me crazy but something about the whole backwater sherif look gets me all hot and bothered... or maybe it's just my man... ;) i do know how to pic them... if i do say so myself. and i do. cuz i just did.

anyway. we didn't get to explore as much as i would have liked, although even without seeing the entire city i pretty much fell in love with it. something about the old era feel juxtaposed with the technology of today... the colours just popped for me.

then we got to visit my family... (who might also have something to do with my love affair with the city... cuz they're so close)...

this is my nana (hey nana! holla!)... i guess you'd call her the matriarch of the leblanc family (for those just tuning in... that means "the white" in french... please hold questions and comments til the end). we got there on moving day - she's staying in an old folks home and they're changing the floors or something. fascinating.

those places make me uncomfortable... i hope i don't end up in one... lotta old folks sorta just sitting around and waiting for someone to push them down the hallway or staring blankly at a tv screen hoping your pills will come soon... *shudder*... to the people that work there? more power to ya...

alright... alright... blogger's being pre-menopausal so i'm freakin going to leave it here and finish this post again soon...

- to be continued...

kitty porn for miss k...

2006-10-17T16:55:00.000-07:00

enjoy the show ladies! meet rosie... shes my nana's cat: but since nana is in a home she's stayin at my aunt's house with her sister bada bing:

yea... look at that kitty... she's named after i think, the strip joint or something like that from the sopranos... she's a sluty girl, loves attention and long walks on the beach.

that's right, make lurve to the camera...

the best part is these two are so freakin docile... my aunt's got this huge rotweiler named max and they sorta just... "yea... alright buddy. you're big, we know it..."

"that's the good stuff.... o.... yea..."

picture of an invalid...

2006-10-16T17:29:00.000-07:00

please, stand aside and gawk at own risk:
he has a scar above his left eye... see it? and his little paw has a bandage on it where they put the iv in his little arm.
this is what poor kitty looks like now... after the wretched surgery that gave him the ability to limp around without fear of being ostracised by his peers.
however, he will continue to be ridiculed as he has patches of missing fur all over his little body. cats are vain creatures you know... and he is very pathetic looking so... fodder for the other kitties penchant for poking fun.
"please pitty me and my collar. send fury mini mice and pounce treats c/o the humans. or take out the dog - i'll make the price on his head it worth your while..."

breaking news

2006-10-10T18:55:00.000-07:00

the kitty was dismissed from hospital late last night into the welcoming arms of two concerned parents...
injuries were minor, only a scar to the facial area and right hip dislocation. he's on pain medication but it will run out in two days and must receive surgery on his hip by that time.

currently, napoleon is resting peacefully in his crate, however, he is desperate to wander around and reclaim his territory.

we decided to bring earl home today so napoleon could rest a bit... and when naps was sitting in my lap and saw the doggie, he gave me the filthiest look, as if to say, "i thought we were rid of that... that... that thing"...

earl just got bigger.

we thank you internets, for your kind words and support. it's nice to know we aren't the only one's being asked to assume the position on this. seriously, i almost walked into the vet's office backwards. "would you recognise me better if i dropped trou? know me now? yea... that's it."

i have pictures but being me, i misplaced the cord to the camera and i won't be able to download them until such time as i relocate that particular cord... wherever it may be.

and it takes a turn for the worse

2006-10-07T21:17:00.000-07:00

so interweb... i have news.

it's all shocking.

we decided last week to run out to montreal for the weekend to visit my family. that's where we are now... in montreal... at my cousin's house (pictures forth coming...) it's a beautiful city and we'd totally live here if the people weren't so crazy and freakin rude... hello? it's called excuse me? god.

anyway. we had to leave the animals with my best friend. she's a good babysiter. however, unfortunately, naps was his dear old adventurous self and somehow fell from her seven story apartment... :( yes people... i'm absolutely freakin devestated becaues i'm over 9 hours away from my little man and i can't be there to see him or hold him or touch him or reasure him to let him know everything is okay...

the vet has assured me that he's cautiously optomistic (yea. that makes me feel great huh?) and that there's no air in his chest cavity, no broken ribs, no damage to his bladder, etc... doesn't seem like too much damage to his brian but he had a nose bleed and a mark on his forehead and his hip is dislocated. i'm devestated i can't say it enough. i've been crying all freakin evening.

to make matters worse, the fucking (yea it deservses that language)... 24 hour vet has decided that they need $1500 deposit and that we might have to pay between $2200 and $3000 all together in the end. is that ridiculous? i think so... i feel i might have to take this mother fuckers to the better business bureau or something. i'd sue but i don't have the money.

i really just want my naps to be okay but really? kick me when i'm down like that? come on? can't i at least get a good bye kiss or something? i swear... i'm going to walk into that place backwards and bent over... "know how i am? recognise me now? yea? you remember that... take it me... assume the position and take it like a man.... yea you know me now."

i'm going to have to take a loan out but my kat is worth it... my baby is worth it... :(

i'm not a critic but...

2006-09-22T18:40:00.000-07:00

i know good cinema when i see it (i also know good fashion, good food and good entertainment)...

hollywoodland? not really good cinema.
adrian brody did a great job - i never saw him in "the pianist" but i saw him in "the village" (thumbs down! didn't like him as a retard) and he was a believeable time traveller in "the jacket" (he really does cracked out creepy thin guy well)... but i really enjoyed his portayal as detective Luis Simo in this flick.
however, i really really do not like ben affleck. everything he touches turns to bull plop... *bull plop*!!! he over acts every role he's offered. how is he still getting work? won't someone in hollywood please, please put this man out of his misery? sigh... your serious face isn't working on me ben... hang it up and get back to what you're really good at... whatever it may be...

i like bob hoskins - although he seems type cast now... i guess that comes with age...
and robin tunney... she's got a memorable face but that seems to be all she's got going for her... i know i've seen her somewhere but where i just can't remember...
last but not least, the incomperable diane lane - she always delivers but i don't care what anyone else may think, hearing the word "cunt" come out of anyone's mouth is just not attractive. at any rate... she's got such a timelessly gorgeous face that works on so many levels. don't ever get old laney!

all in all... if you haven't seen it in the theatres, don't waste your eight bucks... wait until the dvd release... or maybe until it comes out on tv and you don't have to spend any money on it.

on another note, there's a new, star-studded movie in the line-up, and i feel like i've seen it somewhere before ... and i feel like someone already won an academy award for it... but i guess infamous is breaking new ground... cuz why else would such big names as sandra bullock, daniel craig, jeff daniels, gweneth paltrow, isabella rosalini and sigourney weaver tie their names to a copy cat... *i mean*... masterful piece of cinematography...? you tell me.

you asked for it...

2006-09-22T13:14:00.000-07:00

so i'm finally providing it!

here he is, in all his horribly cute glory... earl.

can you tell which one he is?! hes in the middle there - between brian and some other no name floppy puppy! hi earl! hi! hey buddy!

he's got those adorable puppy eyes and he's just... SOOO cute when he wants to be actually..

he's bite-y. he likes to chew on things and bother his big brother, who actually isn't all that impressed that we've brought some fur ball into his space... see?

he looks thrilled doesn't he? he'll get over it... between bouncing out of earl's way and acting increadibly childish... he's doing aight. in that picture you get a sense of what colour our apt is... it's actually a green but it looks blue, and in different lights it looks different colours...

the green behind the kitty is the green in the bedroom... i really like it - and we have this rich brown coloured furniture that goes really well with it. the kitchen is a deep red colour. the hall ways has three chocolate brown walls and one blue that matches the livingroom so it doesn't look like a cave (thanks whittle). it's quite nice. i'd like to continue putting up little things like shelves and pictures and mirrors and stuff, to make it feel more like home, but i don't think we're going to be here that long and i don't know if i want to expend as much energy making this place homey as i would somewhere i'm comfotable living...

ah well... welcome to our crash pad.

the saga begins...

2006-09-17T20:25:00.000-07:00

i've told you the tale of my street.

the street walkers, the resident homeless, the crazies hooting around in the park...

i'm not happy in this place. don't get me wrong, i love this city - the lights, the manic-ness, the excitement, the drunken frenzies... it's great...

but i just can't see myself staying in the ghetto for too long.

scene: outside the apartment building
foreshadowing: the puppy arrived today - cute and bumbly and adorable (yes... pictures to come)... and we needed groceries for him, the cat and ourselves. there's a 24 hour grocery store right down the street by the school - convenience and great food, what more could we ask for? so we take a nice stroll down the street to pick up the essentials.

act 1

br and i are strolling back from the grocery store, arms laden with bags of goodies for our new found family. it's a cool evening, my light jacket a little too heavy for the temp. strange people are lingering on street corners and jesus cuts us off to pan handle at a dodge ram.
br and i had been discussing the other living options in the area. we come to the park and conversation turns to the "party" happening down the street we just walked past.

me: br, don't stare.
br: i can stare if it's dark and no one can see me...
me: (pointedly) br... dont. stare.
br: that was the big boss...
me: how do you know?
br: a black guy just drove down that street in a jaguar. down that street...
me: so?
br: and there are cops outside our building.
me: outside our building?
br: yea... we should send them down there!
me: why?
br: me... a black guy, in a jaguar, smoking a white object with a cherry on the end... there has to be something... going on down there
me: what are the cops doing outside our apartment building?

but they weren't outside our building, rather they were just next door ... two cruisers and four cops with a taxi. i don't know what was going on... although i felt unsafe. there weren't any other characters out- i guess the blue and whites have a tendency to scare them off... but it doesn't make me comfortable.

i wonder what tomorrow night will bring?

he's home!

2006-09-17T17:42:00.000-07:00

he's here! little, chubby, adorable as hell...

earl is in our house and making napoleon pissed. but it should all work out well...

pictures to come!

puppies!

2006-09-08T22:06:00.000-07:00

i know what you're thinking... "oh my god how cute!"
and you're right! they're freakin' adorable! they're even better in person *wink wink*...

and one of them's mine...

i can't tell you which one right now because three of them look pretty much exactly alike from the front.
but it's a he and he needs a name. i'm taking submissions because i just don't know *what* to call him. ultimately the decision's br's but... a little suggestion never hurt anyone, eh?

the chronicals of me

2006-09-07T21:17:00.000-07:00

so... folks... yes. i am here in the land that canooks love...

it's warm, it's cold, there's a tim horton's on every block and a hooker on every corner. wait... that's just my corner? only outside my apartment building, stomping around in her ugly shoes and too tight leotard?

you may ask, who are you to critique the style of a whore, but honestly. if she added a little more glitz and glamour, maybe she could move off of my block and... well... up to the other one, where people actually want to pick up sex off the side of the road. *shudder*.

so anyway. br and i went for dinner tonight and, not like home, everything is a mile and a half away and we decided to walk there and back. the food was good, the ambiance just right, the drinks strong - like i like them. you could say all in all it was a pleasant date.

we're walking back home and decide to turn down our street (on a serious tip, we aren't too pleased with the area and why take the risk? the odds may be stacked in my favour but i'm not a freakin moron. you don't invite that kind of attention... unless you're really good at kung fu and you just want to practice on some unsuspecting ignorami)... so anyway we're walking down the street and there's this huge crowd, spaning the block - a city block - and we're like... wtf? what's going on? because, when you walk past a huge crowd you immediately *must know* what's going on, because then if you don't you're not "with it"... you're an "outsider" and you won't have anything to talk about tomorrow. needless to stay we stopped and rubbernecked like the rest of them. huge crowd... can you blame us?
being the avid journalist that i am, with my mind never turning off, i decided to enlighten myself and find out just who the hell i was waiting for. limos, crowds, po-po with weapons - this has got to be big right? i ask the guy behind me and his girlfriend, who were waiting just as anxiously as we were, who the hell we were waiting for. they didn't know. but why should i have been surprised? the phenomenon is not specific to only me...

so i waited a little longer and i asked someone else. he had a tape recorder and a steely look aboutt him. this guy had to be "in the know".
"it's borat..." he says offhandedly...
"okay... but who are we waiting for?"
"borat," he says increadulously... but his increadulousness is lost on me...
"okay but like what's with all the limos? like... who's everyone waiting for?" i'm innocent people... okay? sweet?
"borat... you know,ali g?" at this point, someone else pipes up and saves this dude from ramming his tape recorder through my forehead and storming off in a brooding huff (yea.. he was brooding... attractive*puke*) ...
epiphany dawns on me in an "ooooooohhhhh...." moment... and then i'm disappointed. here i was thinking it was someone *important* ... cuz it'd be something to scream about if brangalina and the kidlings were lurking around somewhere... i'd wait in line from 3 in the morning in the freezing cold and snow to wait for *that*.

but no... it was borat. before we slinked off ourselves we overheard the brooder mention that this borat character would be arriving on a donkey. or something...

a donkey? we had to stick around for that!

and by now i guess your wondering... did he? yes. he actually did... well... he arrived *with* a donkey, sort of... standing behind him... and the crowd went wild.

apparently borat is some sort of cult figure celebrity in this crazy country... they absolutely adore him... kids were trying to scale trees just to get a glance at this unruly mustachioed mascot with his double thumbs up and smug smile.

sadly... my first celebrity sighting was of someone i don't even consider a celebrity. i'm disappointed. also, my camera batter died *right* when i was about to snap a blurry and distanced picture, and my phone camera is absolutely mentally challenged.

the next sighting better be like.. joan crawford or kathy griffan. cuz if not, i just don't know. i'll be disallusioned with the city forever.

we have arrived

2006-09-02T20:44:00.000-07:00

yes... i am finally here in the old country of canadia... finally. it's cold people!

thanks to tw for that WONDERFUL post that almost made me tear up on my brand new hp pavilion lap top computer that i'm about to fall in love with...

napoleon is watching intently as i type this... silly kitty..

there will be plenty of stories to tell once i get my own internet set up and i stop stealing from some guy who's network name is domo demo door or something like that. can i get a virus this way? ah well... they have cvd (that's computer vanerial disease for those not in the know) protection etc now don't they?

just thought you'd like to know...

2006-08-25T08:04:00.000-07:00

my eye is infected again. i hate the world. it's raining. i'm fat.

i'm leaving in four days. yes... you can count that on your fingers - and i mean fingers not thumb. damn thumb...

i just had a slight realisation to myself - i think my mother might be behind my struggle to lose weight.

i don't think she wants to actually lose weight. she's not happy, or comfortable or anything in her own skin because she's overweight, but she makes a lot of excuses as to why she can't lose weight or try this diet or do that exercise or go to that gym. i don't want to be like her...

sure she can be a wonderful person... most mother's are. but i don't want to suffer from her downfalls. i have enough problems of my own without adding hers into my mix. goddamn it.

did i mention it was raining? o and that there's supposed to be a tropical storm which could and might very well turn into a hurricane coming near the island on the day i'm supposed to fly out?
no? great. does anyone know where i can get some valium cheap? anyone?

sick

2006-08-22T07:44:00.000-07:00

"I cannot go to school today,"
Said little Peggy Ann McKay.
"I have the measles and the mumps,
A gash, a rash and purple bumps.
My mouth is wet, my throat is dry,
I'm going blind in my right eye.
My tonsils are as big as rocks,
I've counted sixteen chicken pox
And there's one more--that's seventeen,
And don't you think my face looks green?
My leg is cut--my eyes are blue--
It might be instamatic flu.
I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,
I'm sure that my left leg is broke--
My hip hurts when I move my chin,
My belly button's caving in,
My back is wrenched, my ankle's sprained,
My 'pendix pains each time it rains.
My nose is cold, my toes are numb.
I have a sliver in my thumb.
My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,
I hardly whisper when I speak.
My tongue is filling up my mouth,
I think my hair is falling out.
My elbow's bent, my spine ain't straight,
My temperature is one-o-eight.
My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,
There is a hole inside my ear.
I have a hangnail, and my heart is--what?
What's that? What's that you say?
You say today is. . .Saturday?
G'bye, I'm going out to play!"

- Shel Silverstein

*love is where the sidewalk ends and a light in the attic... remembering childhood niceties is nice

dear blogger

2006-08-21T10:25:00.000-07:00

yesterday i spent a very profound moment with myself... it was probably due to the excessive alcohol consumption and the fact that i was overtired, but for a fleeing instant, i was at peace with life.

it's a strange feeling, if you've ever felt it - understanding and comfort is kind of like weightlessness for me
but of course, like i predicted, reality came back with a vengence this morning on my way to work. anxiety and stress are my constant companion - like jesus - except i don't want them there.

i'm going to miss the island. not the people, but the island - the clear night skies stretching out forever to the horizon. the smell of ocean and green lingering first thing in the morning before being burned away like mist in the clean sunlight.
even the stifling heat and opressive humidity, i'll miss that too... maybe not moisture's effect on my hair (frizz is never attractive, no matter what anyone says)...

the clear blues, vibrant greens - everything somehow feels more alive.
those aren't things i'm going to be getting a lot of in the concrete jungle i'm about to call my home. maybe that's why the colours i've chosen for inside are so bright... trying to recreate something i'm going to fundamentally lose for about 8 months or more.

but the beauty isn't enough to keep me here... maybe later i'll come back, when i'm older with children and can afford to be immune for ignorant government ideas... i think i want my children to grow up or spend part of their young lives, on this island, getting to know what they stand for. their identity lives in the trees and the sea, firmly rooted in tradition and exploration, like mine.

i'm scared to start this newchapter... afraid of what it will bring, that the next turn of the page will see some devestating, tragic event that i'll never recover from... i think i worry too much

the phone always rings when i'm not there to answer it

2006-08-18T13:25:00.000-07:00

it's true... lately the phone always rings but i'm never around to get the call... how sad is that?

anyway.

10 days left people *technically 11... but you get the drift*... i've been shopping vicariously through ikea and television, as well as emailing phone/cable/internet companies in the canada region so i can have my shiz set up before i get out there.

i've picked my paint colours.

i've designed my living room, beedroom, and bathroom (br's got the kitchen... it was a struggle)...

i'm packing this weekend and already planning our excusions to ohio, montreal and calgary (i know people;)

needless to say i'm just about over done in the "ready to get the heck out of dodge" area... really. i'm ready. i'm really ready.

i don't need bottles of water or lotion, i'll plenty hydrate before i get on the plane. just make sure i get there. in one piece. with my luggage. and my fucking cat. cuz if i don't have my cat when i get to the other end, god help them all.

3 parter

2006-08-10T10:40:00.000-07:00

1) i believe in 6 degrees of seperation

yesterday my belief in kevin bacon's theory was proved correct again -

do you recognise this famous face?

why yes! it's our favourie aussie phone thrower, russell crowe! (i believe you're innocent russell, just smile and it'll all be okay...)

no... i'm not telling you in know him personally, but you see that happy little cherub with her arm around his shoulder? yea... the cop that arrested his butt? yea... she's my co-workers half sister. so... the equation?

me - coworker - half sister - russell crowe

apparently he sent her roses and a card or something because he was so embarrased and sorry that she had to arrest him. sweet, huh?

don't believe me yet? let's try one more.

do you know her? her smooth cool lyrics and black power attitude have made her a favourite among the young jazz crowd. india arie.

come on me, there's no way you know her. how could you? you live a secluded life on that tiny little island nation of yours. well... that doesn't mean that everyone that lives here is sheltered. my equally gorgeous co-worker and friend at one point allowed the talented songstress to crash at her pad...

equation:

me - friend - india arie

really... it goes on and on...

2) terrorists are getting old

this whole terror thing is starting to drive me crazy a little. i mean.. i wish i were the type of person that could be all sneaky and spy-like and totally bourne identitiy because i'd seek all these "major players" out and take them out... like that!

it's sad to think that this is what we are letting our world come to - a few idiots with their own agendas are ruining it for the rest of us, all in the name of some god who probably doesn't really give two shits anyway. he's off playing with his train set or something. kids get bored easily.

the latest almost attack has me really peeved - now they're saying you're not going to be allowed to travel with liqueds and stuff like that. no toothpaste, not water, no spray on deoderant. there's going to be a lot of smelly, unkempt travellers from now on. it's ridiculous! we're all being held hostage and made to suffer because of this... "necessary" war. i wish their balls would drop or something - somebody needs to have the courage to stand up and say "enough is enough". if i were the world's mother, i'd be putting a lot of people in some serious time's out right about now.

3) fall out boy make me want to toss my panties on stage

i just bought fall out boy's new cd. yes. okay... those two songs are hideously catchy althogh you can barely understand the garbled lyrics of one lead singer with his geeky visage and page boy cap. i enjoy their beats and their attitude so much, i think i might have to follow this band around and do groupie type things. not sexual... just groupie... you know what i mean? o... there's no difference? well then...

cup match time again

2006-07-31T10:50:00.001-07:00

it's cup match time again, my lovlies (as evidence by the heading of this here post) and the smell of fried fish, hamburgers and crown & anchor lingering in the air is not far off. two days to watch a bunch of overweight gentleman chase a hard, red ball down the centre field, trying to knock over some "sticky wickets" and bowl out the other team.

two years ago i looked like this:

please pardon the pixilized look it's not my fault really... that's my best friend smelby (shelby) and my hair was long. see the people in the background? Cup Match is hugely popular here, people go all out.

buying the outfit is a major part of it and the paper is running tons of pre-Cup Match ads - red/blue for somerset (west end), light blue/dark blue for st. george's (east end)... east end all the way!

this was four months after my life altering accident (if you look close you can see one of my teeth is chipped right in the front. devestating) and i was about... 30 pounds lighter... also evidence by the fact that i can't wear those pants anymore. i still rock the hat though. (also please note that summer's staple beverage, the bacardi pineapple breezer. still a favourite)

last year i hung out at home with br (i think) and we had a pretty succesful party. i don't really like going to the game - it actually bores me to tears.

this summer, even if i wanted to go to the game i wouldn't be able to because i'm the patsy at my second job and i have to take all the shifts that no one else wants to work.

i'm off on the thursday but that's about it... we're going on the boat with my parents - no drinking there - on the thursday and then i'm working friday, saturday and sunday, and in the evening so it's not even like i can enjoy my time off. br's off the whole four days.

thinking about it now really aggrivates me. i'm getting incensed inside- like really pissed off because i'm tired of having to be the one to carry everyone else and not get compensated for it. but i don't really like making waves so i'll grin and bear it until i leave and relish in the fact that she'll be hard pressed to find another employee as good as me. it may sound self-centered but there aren't a lot of honest, hard-working people out there and unfortunately i've had to suffer through working with a lot of them. they know who they are.

at any rate. i wanted to go to the game again this year, if only to get felt up at the entrance, down a breezer and have an overcooked hambuger with some greasy goodness fries- the traditions of where you grew up. i love tradition and those few things that make your home just that, your home. i may not be proud to be a bermudian but there are a few things i don't ever want to let go, no matter how boring they are.

keeping you up to date...

2006-07-28T11:19:00.000-07:00

... cuz you know you're all constantly worried about what it is that's going on in my life right now. all of you. completely concerned.

yea. just so everyone knows, the exceitment that i was feeling in regards to that apartment that i was going to get, is gone. why? because the deal fell through. why? because the people i was dealing with were completely abnormal and not in any way doing me any favours and i dislike them very very much. they can go munch on a horses ass for all i care. poor horse (sorry horse!).

they were just making my life a living hell. here i am running all over the place to try to apease these people and just nothing was good enough. so i said (french expletive) you people... i'm taking my business elsewhere. and i found this other apartment that looks more decent and is right across the street from the park.
br is pissed because it was a waste of a trip. if we were just going to find a place online then we could have saved the umpteen thousand it cost us to go over there. needless to say i sent a pretty sarcastic letter, thanking the rental office lady but not the super who was really being a female dog. *not impressed*.

but i was poking around online and the other place, like i said, seems nicer and i spoke to the manager of the building and he was *really* helpful, and on his day off too. it doesn't have a whole lot of amenities and we have to pay for hydro but it's better than nothing and it's actually closer to the school than the first.
the mother figure in my life (read: my mom) is worried that this shady apartment complext (with the rude people) are going to try to find a way to keep hold of my $850 deposit but my friend was like, remember, it's canada. you can sue. although sueing them would cost a lot more than $850... but i could sue for legal expenses too. or i could take them to judge mathis. if i bat my eyelashes a little maybe he'll rule in my favour and give me more for mental stress or whatever the hell they call that... anquish? something...

so i'm just waiting to hear back from the second building as to whether we've been accepted. it's really nerve wracking - can't imagine going out there and not having a secured place to stay.
i've been drinking a lot lately because of this added stress- because obviously work stress and school stress and money stress is not enough. that's just my life really... one big fat disgusting ball of pain in the ass. whon't it be ice when i have an apartment and i can post from there and show all the wonderful and fabulous images of my new palce? and great view? and sleeping form because i won't have to be getting up in the morning to go to work and my home will be close enough to the shool to go home for lunch breaks?

sigh. :D everything is goig to be OK.
*i'm trying to add pictures but for some reason blogger hates me today, like the rest of the universe and is being tempramental. it will not let me post pictures. gaddamnit.*

quick post

2006-07-17T09:59:00.000-07:00

hi all...
we're back from the good all cda and not necessarily lovin' it.
we found a decent place pretty close to my school (read: close enough to walk but not close enough to throw a stone at) and it's a decent price...
really ready to move out there now and just say to hell with the next six weeks but i guess that'd be a dumb move considering the consistant paycheque right now... that i really need.

did a bit of shopping, a lot of drinking, and didn't have enough fun. apartment hunting is stressful and canada is hot.

anyway.

peace out peeps.

hiatus

2006-07-03T09:01:00.000-07:00

hello all...

although i'm not really that missed here in the interweb... i thought i'd put out a banner to explain my up-coming hiatus from blogger.
i've moved to a new position for the next 35 business days and am not situated in a spot where blogging at all hours of the day are readily accepted... so yea. not a lot of blogging in the coming weeks.

but you'll survive.

when i come back it will be from a different continent with lots of pictures and surprises, hopefully a pair of socks and another kitten. we'll see.

at any rate. i'll still be doing my usual drop by's because, well i can't live without a little jamie drama or chaos rsm... and project spectrum which i totally abandoned in its prime. or my prime of it... whatever.

see ya latas peeps.

the saga concludes...

2006-06-22T11:15:00.000-07:00

first off.. i'd like to point out how i don't think the evil orange kitty is really evil anymore. yes, he (or she?) seems to have a serious issue with napoleon which leads to lots of holes in our damn screen, but when you see it without napoleon in the area, it just dies for attention.
i'm thinkin it might be slightly jealous, or perhaps is just trying to establish some sort of kitty dominance, but i don't know.
br was outside one night when eok came around and it just purred and purred and purred. it's really a good cat i think, but he's the leader of the neighbourhood and i guess it's just trying to keep up appearances. don't tell anyone i said that tho...

napoelon is an indoors cat becasue when br and i move to a high rise in the concrete jungle that is toronto, he will not be able to be an outdoor cat. i didn't want to be cruel and get him used to it just to snatch it away from him... of course i'll take him out on a lead and stuff but until then, he's gotta settle for the pebbles and planters around the pool house. he really likes rubbing all up on them... i dunno cuz he's itchy? but he sheds like a mother fucker and i take him outside in an attempt to lessen the fur that will inevitably be all over my work clothes. it doesn't really work.

"who uses flash outside? you're such an idiot. and you see that flower? i'm totally going to eat it when you're not looking."

"...what... what is that on the outskirts of the frame? is it a minge? is it a rock? no! it's your toe! and i'm totally going to bite you. just because i can."

"crap. caught... uh... whatever this shiznit is good... mmmmm..."

alright... blogger has had it for downloading pictures. what is there a quota now or something? i have two more pics i wanna show but whatever. next week or tomorrow or something

o thank god...

2006-06-20T04:42:00.000-07:00

finally... blogger has decided to not be petulant. bastard... sorry! didn't mean it (but i totally did)...
anyway.... first picture? this is the image of the skull at the top of the sock. it's loose and if you look closely you can see holes where the colours change- that's because of the crappy way that i did the colour change. i'm hoping that with the tighter knit that i'm doing now the skull will be more visible. maybe i'll edge it in black later...
this is what the inside looked like. kinda scary, like an alien mouth or something... gross huh? can you just imagine how pissed i'd be having to weave in all those bloody ends? good god people. i don't have that kind of patience!
the difference! ah ha! the one on the left is the one i restarted. you can see the difference in the 1) ribbing at the top- it's much tigther and the rows seem straighter to me... but that might just be me... but also, you can see the the difference in the skulls. i hate working with four needles. but it's much thinner and better looking than the first.

and look- look at this inside! no ends! none! no work for me later! see those nice neat little rows? lookin good if i do say so myself. so... i guess it'll be smooth sailling from here on in until i get to the heel... eek!!

i sincerely do not like blogger anymore. i have been trying to freakin post my pictures of napoleon for the last umpteenmillion minutes and it just will.not.let.me. i am not impressed.

my latest endeavour

2006-06-19T11:16:00.000-07:00

before i get to the awesome kitty pictures (that i know you are just *dying* to see...) i have to talk about my latest endeavour...

the skull socks.

except they are not red, they are going to be light blue. no, there aren't any pictures right now because... well because i have a story that goes along with it.
so i started with the pattern and as you can see at first it says

cast on 52 and work 1x1 rib for 1.5" and then start stockinette stitch for another inch before working into the pattern...
so yea i'm workin away with my little needles and i really don't like working with four needles but i hate even more working with a round needle, so i like, can't win. but anyway. i think it was probably too loose (the rib) but i continued with it cuz really it's my first sock ever and everything and i'm allowed to make mistakes... so blah blah blah i get a lot tighter with the stockinette and things are going smooth until i start adding in the white for the pattern.
yes. well. i did it wrong obviously. cuz i didn't know what the hell i was doing, i just switched right into the white without doing anything (maybe i knotted it i don't know) and then when it was time to switch back to the blue i just switched back to the blue.
1st mistake- i fucked up the pattern
2nd mistake- because i was carrying the stupid yarn over and making the damn thing too small and tight and especially loose so i said frigg this and i pulled it all out and started again.

so i figured the second time around i would just read my little stitch and bitch and figure out how to do intarsia... so i read the instructions and yea. didn't understand. so did what i thought was right and again. completely wrong. now instead of having attached loops of yarn bogging down the inside of my sock, i have tassels! lots and lots of tassels! hideous! because i'm just cutting them off and leaving tails that i can weave in later. hideous!
and then i realise... wait. why don't i just... yes that might work.
i carried the white over the blue and knitted over the strand so it stayed nicely and neatly in place. no fuss, no muss, no making it smaller or holier. better.

half of the sock looks *beautiful* and the other half was a horrible octopus mess. and i'd fucked up the pattern by not counting and forgetting just at what point i was at in the pattern.

so last night, instead of finishing, i cut off my strand and started again. i'll do that a lot. :D

since blogger is being a bitch again today i wont be able to post the pictures of the kitty that i wanted to... they're so cute too and i really wanted to show him off a bit.
whatever.

stoopid booger... i mean blogger.

i'm stealing again...

2006-06-16T12:21:00.000-07:00

... this time from chris and chaos

project spectrum...
*he*

this seinfeld, season 1 & 2, volume 1 box is.... blue! i love seinfeld. i need to get volume 5 to be up to date with my collection. we have a lot of box sets because we only have three channels and not a lot of good syndicated shows come on them. like montel... or maury... but we do get judge judy!

this is my sexy puma jacket (that's actually getting quite dingy) that i bought when i was in new york o so long ago (good trip, could done with being their longer however...)... i lurve this jacket and wear it everywhere. but as i get bigger, it mysteriously gets smaller and is no longer the coverup i once intended it to be. fat only makes everything worse people. i still love you puma jacket (hugs) it'll go quite nicely with the pair of chocolate uggs i'm planning on getting when i move to america's favourite big sister to the north, canada.

this is pool water, what i get to see every morning and evening when i leave and come home. i have not yet swum in this pool water as it is too.damn.cold for me. yes. i am a wuss. if i go swimming at all it'll probably be like, august 28. the day before i leave. but you can enjoy looking at it!

last but not least... for your viewing pleasure, stuffed penis in electric blue man-thong. we were at (one of) the local sexy things shops and i couldn't help but capture this *monstrosity* on film. don't worry... i didn't force anyone to get naked and don this disaster, it's a mannequin. hence the overstuffedness of the dong. heh... and the distinct lack of furriness!

sigh... this has been fun.

now, some adorably cute pictures of my resident evil, napoleon.

alright fine. blogger refuses to let me post adorable pictures of napoleon so you'll have to wait for monday, when i have tme to fuck witht he bastrard.

have a good weekend kiddies! don't do anything i wouldn't!

waiter

2006-06-15T08:38:00.000-07:00

the stuff this guy writes is deep... it hits me right in the centre of my chest and radiates throughout me for the rest of the day.

but i read this particular post and cried a little, because that's how i feel.

shouldn't we, as a developing race, be looking after those creatures that can't look after themselves in our increasingly modern and technological world? we may have the ability to fight the common cold etc... but as we advance, we, as a species, grow weaker and weaker. how many of us can truly say that we can live and survive in the cold outdoors, in nature, physically fending for ourselves and our families?
well, that's what those creatures do everyday, they live the same way the did fifty, one hundred, two thousand years ago.
and as we advance, we forget that they stay the same, and that where we may be better because of it, they suffer.
chicken's, squirrels, toads trying to cross the road getting run over by cars- all they want is to get to shelter and vegetation. all we want is to be where we need to be faster.
my heart bleeds for every animal suffering at the hand of man- rats, mice, birds, cats, dogs, fish, the list is endless.
it's depressing what we're doing. they have no control over their *lives*... it's cruel. people are so mindless of their surroundings, so consumed in me, me, me, here and now. i want! give it! i don't care what the consequences are, or how it will affect anyone or anything else.
i don't know. maybe i'm too sensitive.
but shouldn't every animal have a voice and not just the chosen few?

my cat has been let out of his bag... proverbially.

2006-06-14T08:16:00.000-07:00

heh... yes. the world can know now... i am off to school!

i handed in my resignation the other friday (complicated reason... not because i just so desperately want to get the h-e-double hocky stick out of here... *cough*). and the staff were made aware of my impending departure. *i like big words*

so... yea. like i've said i've checked out. and i've been looking into the calendars and stuff and i'm so freakin excited just to leave. did you know that it's going to cost us $180 to get the damn cat out there? yea. i might as well just claim him as a child. he's under 2... can't he go for free??? at least i don't need to get him a passport.

but neway. i'm going to minor in marketing i think. i want to be able to do it all... all of it. one day i plan on being the editor-in-chief of my own magazine. you will read it and like it and do the quizes. (that means you).

we're going to toronto soon (july 8... *yay*) to look for apartments, so ... crossing my fingers that we can get something decent, close to the school and allowing pets. i want two. pets that is. and two bedrooms but since money doesn't come out of my ass like i've been hoping, we can only afford the one.

so when i'm not looking up pressing apartment and or decorating matters, i'm totally being obsessed with another one of jamie's quiz's and shiznit. the latest? this. no... not the story about how she can't live in mn (no offense chris and chaos) but the crazy picture from http://www.lovefilm.com.
http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3351/171/1600/100%20films.jpg *click on this link for the image. blogger is being a bitch today and won't let me download it. bitch*

jamie really knows how to feed my obsessive compulsive side and as soon as i saw this picture... well not *as* soon but soon there after... i began the quest to find the answers. at this point i think i'm up to 90 (?) give or take. it is my desktop at work and when i get particulalry bored (all the time) i look at it and try to get the last few. not like i could win anything because i'm not a legal us resident of 18 years or older and i'm not blah blah blah yada yada yada no purchase necessary void where prohibited.
but i like to be right. can you blame me?

adorable pictures of napoleon sunning to come soon- as soon as i feel like plugging in the camera and downloading them that is. happy hump day!

after she stole it, i stole it from her*

2006-06-06T12:56:00.000-07:00

list ten things you want to say to ten people you know, but never will for whatever reason. don’t say who they are. use each person only once and only use one sentence

1. i can't hate you because you are a product of your upbringing, but you're more fucked than i will ever be and that's satisfying
2. i regret losing you, can we try again?
3. i want to lock you away from the world so you can't make mistakes anymore
4. our friendship feels like a farse- what do i really mean to you if you can't accept who i am?
5. i wonder if this is really a forever thing
6. i look up to you but i would never want to be like you
7. you're a waste of the precious air that we breathe- people like you make me wish i weren't human.
8. everything you stand for makes me sick to my stomach
9. you're the one person i've always wanted but can never have, and i wouldn't have it any other way
10. that chip on your shoulder runs deep- even though you try to mask your insecurities behind lies and a fake personality, i see right through you

*she being jamie

idiots... the lot of them

2006-06-06T08:06:00.000-07:00

it doesn't seem, to me, that the crisis of ignorant government officials will be over any time soon.

i suggest that we the people requisition nasa and relocate to mars, or uranus (giggle)... in order to start anew, and populate the planet with only intelligent people. i propose this plan will take some years in the planning and actual execution... but... it should be done.
then we can leave the war lord's and "politicians" to blow themselves up. or perhaps they'd go green with envy over the new planet and beg to be let in because it'll be all cool and no money and disco balls and shoes and yarn everywhere.

but by that time we'll bring our ingenious self governance back to planet earth and we'll know how to stop global warning and tectonic drift and all will be right with mother nature and she won't want to clear cut the human population with her natural selection tactics.

am i the only one who thinks that's a good idea?

we could so live here.

please excuse my sexual orientation, i don't know what i was thinking!

2006-06-02T07:12:00.000-07:00

fresh off the heels of the latest article on homosexual rights, i'm incensed and convinced of the the fact that my government and my island are run by the powers that be, mainly, the catholic church and it's subsidiaries.

recently, a government backbencher tabled a bill that would see discrimination against homosexuals on all counts outlawed.
i believe that this, although "liberal" would mean major progress for this tiny island nation. but alas, our old-fashioned government decided that instead of debating this when it reaches the floor, we're going to give it the silent treatment and then shout a resounding "NO" when asked which way we go.
stoopid archaic government. and then the church bursts onto the scene with their other worldly ramblings preaching how gay and lesbian people are *just.wrong.* and that the government taking a stand against allowing them to have *rights* as *human beings* which we are ALL ENTITLED TOO... is a step in the right direction, showing the community that we are a good christian society and we will.not. stand. for. it.

well, velvet gloves... far be it for us to play god... but at least the government could have stolen a backbone from one of the opressed and stood up for it self in a manner befitting the rulers of a nation. what are they proving to the people? that they're all still irreverantly childish?
it's like we're on the playground bickering about who's going to play with the pail and shovel next. they taken me back to my pre-school days when i was cast aside because my hair was different.
what the government and the all powerful church are teaching the public is that prejudice is right, and someone being different is an acceptable excuse for discrimination.
one of them thought that it would be worthwhile to mention the black struggle, and how it took 100 years for them to be seen as legally equal to whites- but we're not in 1900. we're in 2006- shouldn't we be using the black struggle as an example? surely we won't force homosexuals to wait another 100 years before they are legally seen as equal to straights?
now... i'm a sympathiser- i'm not saying we have to run out and give them the right to get married yet... but at least give them the common courtesy of PRETENDING like you care about their plight.
it must be so hard for them to be different here... and feel so unaccepted and disliked just because you choose to be a certain way.
well... i don't know so much that they have a problem in the general community, becasue now that they're becoming more confident and comfortable they are popping up everywhere- it's the governement and the richer "powers that be" who have issue with it and a lot of locals will just sit back and accept it instead of standing up.

i don't know what will become of my little bassackwards island home... should i stay? should i go? i don't know.

packages in the mail are cool

2006-06-01T13:12:00.000-07:00

ee! i just received my new passport! it took less time than i expected, and exactly the amount of time they said it would- 20 days.
that's a first! i think i'm falling in love with the canadian system more and more everyday.

but my passport? why is it that i get excited every time i get papers? i dunno... legal is good. it's all spanky new and shiney and has a nice smell. i'm totally traveling on it in july. you know... so i can leave br in the dust and all the nice canadian boys will think, "what is that nice canadian chick doin with that island loser, eh?"
just kidding. i love br. and wouldn't leave him for a canadian. they smell like beer and pot. which isn't necesarily a bad thing, until you combine it with their love of hockey, lumberjack red jackets, and affinity to use the term, eh?, at the end of almost every sentence. they're violent too you know.

but anyway. i'm proud to be a beradian. (that's bermudian-canadian for those who don't know). yes. my heritage is fucked and my lineage is more convoluted than a pariah dog, but it's all good.

one country is the sensible older sibling type, with logic, reason, patience. the other is just... well... it's bermuda. and you'd have to be here.
in the next installment of my musings... i'm going to talk about how our nation is run by the church machine and how our government is made up of crack whores and ignorami. yes. the plural.

http://www.canadianaconnection.net/iam.html you know you wanna watch...

"most of my routine is like... deadpan..."

2006-05-31T11:32:00.001-07:00

last comic standing is actually a really funny show and i'm hoping that this year, they'll acutally have a good crop of comics unlike last year.

well that's a lie... they were a good crop but the guy who won, shouldn't have.

and also, my excitement was piqued with the promise of another season of jay mohr (yea...) but when i noticed anthony clarke bouncing around the lines i was tres disappointed. as much as i like him he's not... well... *host* material i don't think.

at least jay made some good movies :s... (please, save the comments until later)

but the comics? yea... some of them had me laughin til br thought i was evil...
like the uh... deadpan... cuban comic... he goes
"so i was in traffic the other day and there was this homeless guy on the street and i felt kinda bad about it so... i held my keys up for him to see to make me feel better..."

and i just died!

then there was the guy with cerebral palsy that makes fun of himself and when he was offered the card to go onto the next round br was like...you mean he's actually like that?
how cruel would it be to go on stage and pretend to be that way? not kewl at all.
but he had jokes too...

"my mom's the only one who can tell if i'm drunk... jason... are you walking straighter? and last night you came home and put the key straight into the lock.. and you're naked"
you had to be there...

yea... and the black guy talkin about how kids don't take him seriously because he's so small...

that's all i have to say today. i'm tired and ready to be gone. sigh.

words for today- use them wisely

2006-05-29T09:39:00.000-07:00

transmundane trans-mun-dane (trnsmn-dn, trnz-, trns-mndn, trnz-)

adj. existing or extending beyond the physical world.

transmundane

adj: existing or extending beyond the physical world; "whatever of transmundane ...insight...we may carry" - william james

mundane mun-dane (mn-dn, mndn)

adj. 1) of, relating to, or typical of this world; secular.
2) relating to, characteristic of, or concerned with commonplaces; ordinary.

if you can use these words in a sentence... you're better than me.

my virtual model is a lying whore

2006-05-26T07:54:00.000-07:00

this is not me:

it is some sort of evil marketing ploy to lie to people. she does not look 150 pounds. i, the real version, you know... 2.0? i look 150 pounds.

she does not have copious amounts of jello laden in areas that make it hard to squish into jeans... i! have copious amounts of jello making it hard to squish into jeans. and no i *refuse* to go out and buy *bigger* jeans because i have *plenty* of quality jeans that i love and i don't want to have any *fat jeans* hanging around me.

no fat jeans!

my virtual model is a damn liar. there was no button thingy to expand the hippies and the butt. i have a large butt... quite ample. and some big thighs. people are amazed by my butt. yes... it is a spectacle to behold. i cannot use it as a table though. or maybe i could.

and then i have lurve handles. i hate them. i could not put them on the model because there is not option for it. stoopid lying virtual model.

sigh. whine whine whine bitch complain yes i know it's constant. it's like that in my head, a continuous diaglogue with myself of arguments and crying and drinking of the vodka. it's the one thing that can bring me down so fast. last night was good and then all of a sudden charlie's angels came on and i had to have a heavy handed vodka and cranberry *mm, tart-y... sleep was deep* but then drinking only makes matters worse...

i am jealous of those girls, that's probably why i rag on them (except for like cameron diaz... come on... that face? *yikes*) but only because they've got good bodies and good careers. do those two go hand in hand? do i have to have a gorgeous, smokin hot bod to be makin the big bucks? or can i still be squat little unattractive me and rake it in? i want to rake it in!

i suffer from bad ideals and poor self image. i have faith in my ability but when you're fat and you don't take care of your looks, people are less likely to want to be around you, pay you, aquit you of murder... and so on and so forth. plus, i've always hated feeling like the *fat ugly one*. you know there's always one... two relatively skinny and pretty girls will always be flanked by at least one overweight and asthetically challenged female as the two skinny ones want to look better in comparison and the bigger one needs help on the asthetics front.

now...i may just be pulling that out of my ass but it's an observation i make over and over again. also, skinny girls can be less worried that fat ugly girls will draw the much desired attention away from them... who's worried their bf's gonna cheat on them with a fattie? "fat chicks need love too, but they gotta pay."

it's not that i don't know what to do because i know, believe *me* i know. i just... make excuses to myself? that's it... i lie to myself about it because i'm too... lazy? scared? lazy? to actually get off my table ass and do something. sure i eat really well during the day, 5-6 times with a good breakfast, sensible lunch and then a healthy dinner. it's the in betweens when i get all hungry and famished and stuff.

speaking of which, i'm getting that way now and i gotta wait another half an hour. i wish i could have a liquid lunch today to deal with all the... emotions... i'm feeling... but i came in late and i want to *set a good example*.

i've checked out.

i got the link to my virtual model from mis kendra's post... it's not her fault. i *heart* miss kendra and wear her clothes like second skin.

i also got my skull stuff from delias and magically, it all fits perfectly, cept the shoes rub a bit.

and i went to the pod-i-a-trist this morning and he told me i have to wear an ankle brace and sneakers and i have to get physio. physio? pshaw. i might as well just give the government my wallet. take it! it's yours!

the many moods of disney characters...

2006-05-22T09:53:00.000-07:00

this weekend i drank myself stoopid along with br and his friends.

what is it about alcohol that when i imbibe, i become those loveable little dwarf characters from that overrated disney cartoon, snow white and the, well... the seven dwarfs.

first i'm probably bashful... cuz i'm shy around new people... *actually i just don't like meeting people because... i just don't like them! that's why the internet is so great... i get to know someone without actually having to physically send time with them... that's how life should be* and grumpy, because and don't like meeting new people...
then i take on happy and dopey because as the night wears on, that's what you become... happy and dopey... and dont add my best friends into the mix because then it's just over. just. over.

sooner or later grumpy rears his ugly head again and doc comes close behind as i try to solve everyone else's problems but my own. mm... drunken advice. that's it...

and obviously, sleepy shows up just before we get home because i can't handle too much booze anymore without passing out and sleeping the whole night through, which is actually quite nice when you normally wake up three and four times in a night.

and i know earlier i said seven dwarfs... but i lied i don't sneeze so sneezy never gets to make it to the party- he's the designated driver of the lot and i make him sit outside in the car reading time magazine and the back of candy wrappers.
but the others are loads of fun! invite them one time, trust. you will not be disappointed.

that last picture was taken by br. i don't know the people... but that guy with strippey shirt on the corner there? i'm pretty sure he was wearing sunglasses. apparently that's the new in thing. sunglasses. inside. at night.

corey hart anyone?

also? da vinci code.

awe.some.

so impressed! must see! -

things to say when stressed

2006-05-18T06:24:00.000-07:00

senseless spam garbage. enjoy!

1. Okay, okay! I take it back. Unfu*ck you.
2. You say I'm a bitch.... like it's a bad thing.
3. Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.
4. Well, aren't we a damn ray of sunshine?
5. Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after.
6. Do I LOOK like a people person?
7. This isn't an office.... It's hell with fluorescent lighting.
8. I started out with nothing... and still have most of it left
9. Therapy is expensive..... Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.
10. Why don't you try practicing random acts of intelligence and
senseless acts of self-control?
11. I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
12. Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
13. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
14. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
15. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't
gone to sleep yet.
16. Back off!! You're standing in my aura.
17. Don't worry. I forgot your name too.
18. I work 45 hours a week to be this poor.
19. Not all men are annoying.... Some are dead!
20. Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
21. Chaos, panic and disorder ... my work here is done.
22. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
23. You look like shit. Is that the style now?
24. Earth is full. Go home.
25. Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?
26. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
27. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
28. You are depriving some village of an idiot.
29. If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport.

for your eyes only

2006-05-16T07:20:00.000-07:00

where suddenly it may seem like all is right with the world, one is wary of taking that assumption too seriously, because things have a way of changing without forewarning...
but let it be known that something good is happening.

i cannot really go into it here, although some of you know what i'm talking about already. why can't i go into? well... where i thought freedom of speech and whatnot was afforded me when i started this blog, it has been compromised. therefore, the majority have to suffer due to the actions of a few. as much as i would like to share this news with the internets...

i must protect my integrity at the same time.
this tone of post will not continue in the weeks to come... i shall be my happy go lucky, cat loving, whinning self but i needed to let you know that yes. something good is happening.

something really good.

and it has nothing to do with my working lunch on the Zenith this afternoon... you know... the cruise ship? ah... the joys of advertising...

i'm weird lately

2006-05-11T05:51:00.000-07:00

... you know... uber reflective... tingly and yet... not.

maybe you can call it anticipation... or perhaps a physical disappointment, or my body preparing for a really big let down.
what i was trying to say yesterday, i feel like i'm in limbo... i'm stranded on the side of the highway of life waiting for the tow truck to come- the dispatcher said sometime between now and whenever. you know that feeling?

i don't like it. i feel it all over it's actually tangible. one time in a therapy session, my doctor (who i absolutely adored and opened up to and probably would have been one million times better than i am now because of, you know, no depression etc... but she was kicked off the island which was a grave injustice to all those young girls and people she was helping. fuck the government, and i have never opened up again because no one is her)... asked me to draw a diagram of a person, or more accurately, me, and to explain what the emotions felt like.
it looked pretty much like this :
it's pressure man... pressure trying to get out but finding no release. why don't i start boxing? or running? don't have time- had to get a part-time job so br and i could save more for when we move.
i just hope that there is something tangible to my dreams... that i'm not reaching and reaching but there really isn't anything there... you know? like when you're walking towards a place that was there forever but you get there and it's gone... it moved. now you have to keep searching.
is it pointless? it feels pointless... my life feels like a waste. what was i destined for? have i outlived my usefulness on this planet and now i'm just using up precious oxygen that someone else could be taking advantage of? someone else who'll actually make a difference in this world? i always want to make a difference, but excuses get in the way. you know those things... excuses. they're like bugs, always buzzing around and of no real use other than to annoy...
i wish i were home cuz i could do with a good cry right about now... a big fat, all out bawl. can't do that at work, they might commit me. or i'll commit myself.
does this tight feeling ever go away? how come i can't find my silver lining, my happy ending?

i hate this website.

2006-05-10T12:58:00.000-07:00

how increadibly geeky do i have to be...

2006-05-05T12:46:00.000-07:00

... to be so excited over something like this? if you can't read it... it says "canadian in the united states (or bermuda)"... why does that make me squeal? i dunno, there's just something special about when a larger place acknowledges us because we're so fucking small.

apparently, you could fit our entire population into an american baseball stadium.

interesting? i thought you'd like that little bit of useless information.

i am currently taking another stab at applying for my canadian passport again. since i am a nervous traveller, i believe my sweaty palms (keep it clean ladies and gents, keep it clean) rubbed the faux gold leaf off the front... you know... the insignia and stuff? yea.

i've been trying for like two years to get another one but i always get the information, fill it out not once, not twice but three times (because i'm anal and it has to be *perfect* or else i am.not.happy) and then i put it aside and lose it. so i went to the canadian counsulate just to find out they aren't there... where are they? i don't know! no where? makes sense! call new york.

but i got the forms online and yay! if i make one little mistake i can just reprint the page and bam! pristine... so... 30 minutes and five sheets later, my application is on it's way to being complete. now i just have to find one more person who isn't a relative or a garantor to sign it, a garantor that's known me for more than two years and has to meet the strict governmental deadlines saying that yes. i am trustworthy. a politician? ha! they'd throw my appy out before i could say bob's your uncle. so the dentist who has man handled my mouth for the last o, i don't know... five? years can sign it for me... yay!

canadia, here i come!

why cats are better than dogs

2006-05-05T05:58:00.000-07:00

i laughed so hard i *cried*

http://www.darlugo.com/?id=469&ext=2

http://www.darlugo.com/?id=468&ext=2

this is it...

2006-05-03T10:15:00.000-07:00

... the sweater from los angeles! isn't it cute? it fits quite nicely... isn't it lurvley!!!

eee!!!

2006-05-02T11:49:00.000-07:00

my piggy!

okay so my free hand on the computer is pig shit but hey... you should see my sketch book! seriously!

i realise...

2006-05-02T07:23:00.000-07:00

... that although i am shooting for the moon i am aimless.

my hopes and dreams float around me like a cloud, pregnant with ideas and ready to burst...
but yet... it shudders and closes in on itself...

my soul is suffering from a draught. there's nothing for it to look forward too... only expectations

i'm on the edge of my seat, bitting my nails, white-knuckling it down the highway of life but i'm only doing 30. i fear danger at every corner
i'm tense. i can feel it... tension creeping down the back of my neck into my shoulders...
the adrenaline racing just beneath the surface, at any second ready to explode and rocket down the street in a fit of passion and rage.

but i've lost my passion... lost my rage... my anger. when emotions are heightened so are the colours, it's the vibrancy i miss

i'm lackluster.
i feel average...
and that's the scariest part of all

*update*: i knew this day was too f*cking good to be true... it started with the power going out at 8 but then when my victoria's secret order showed up in record time (like three days man, for reals that's like awesome) and i was called *finally* about a part time job... i realised that the really nice brown stretchy gaucho's with green stripes that br's parents got me for christmas are totally f*cked. i must have leaned against my muffler when i got of roscoe this morning and the heat from the f-ing metal melted through the material... now there's this giant hole in *the front of the leg*... *SOB*

this just in...

2006-04-27T11:46:00.000-07:00

please feel free to click on the http://www.theroyalgazette.com to keep up-to-date on the latest happenings around my island home (cuz you know you can't live without)

but those of you interested in finding the stories for the links listed in the post below, please be advised that because the gazette is cheap and tawdry, the stories from the day before automatically disappear.

i apologise for any information receival discomfort this may cause.

now back to your regularly scheduled lives.

last night...

2006-04-26T11:30:00.000-07:00

...i was on the bottom field with br getting my exercise and playing some badminton (i rock at it don't ya know...) and i got four... *four*... mosquito bites on my arm.
i figured it was because i don't move that arm very much and it was the closest to the bushes and i think mosquitos like to hang out around the bushes... i can't remember.

anyway. i bought this month's cosmo and i totally want to go shopping now. so i spent $130 on victoria's secret. don't worry it wasn't anything truely exciting... just a couple bras on sale (cuz you can never have enough) and some panties and a cute shirt. i'm trying *hard* to cut back on the frivolous expenses but once in a while that urge just comes over... i'm *jonesing* to spend some of my hard earned cash... i wish i were like paula abdul and could spend 7 hours shopping in one store. however my attention span is about as short as a goldfish and i need to be constantly entertained. apease me dammit. *me*!!

my arm itches. stoopid fucking masquitos [sic.] the one by my elbow is the size of a quarter.

yesterday i was walking back to work and there were a few guys milling around the back of this truck parked on the side of the road- one of those trucks with the roll up back and a platform that lowers down to get the stuff out? well... this van pulls up to them (blocking traffic) and the guy gets out all concerend and i over hear...

vanguy: what happened to jamiquay*? is he alright?
only white dude: he fell and split his head open** but we've called the ambulance already
vanguy: (expressing concern) is he okay??!

*i totally made this name up... but most islander's use names for their kids that smash the first part of the mothers/fathers with the last part of the mothers/fathers name. and you thought apple and suri were weird. "hi... my name is laquisha. how can i help you?"
**i would later come to learn that he didn't split open his head, this is only what i mistakenly overheard...

at this point i tuned out because i glanced down at the road and there was this massive pool of blood leaking out of this dude- at first i thought he was stuck under the truck but then after my brain registered what my eyes were seeing, i saw that he was actually bent over on the groud, kneeling with his head in his hands. so.much.blood. it didn't seem real.
kept right on walking. and because it wasn't anything, you know, drastic, i didn't tell anyone about it. i work at the newspaper and we're always trying to scoop the tv news and stuff but i mean, this is just an industrial accident- it doesn't have to be broadcast island wide right?
apparently i was totally and completely wrong because when the ambulance, two police cars and fire truck finally showed up (yes, all for only one man... who was only a harm to himself) and blocked off the entire street, about half the people that i work with ran outside to web (read: be pokey as it is in their nature) and the photographer got all these shots to bring back and show all the pokey people that didn't have a chance to make it out there, and they actually made a story out of it! and it printed!
but i shouldn't be surprised because it had it's 30 seconds of fame on the news last night, shakey images of the scene and all.
what happened? apparently the guy (who for some unknown reason has remained nameless... sure... there's your blood all over the pavement but you know, your name? nah... not important) was unloading the truck and he put his hand on the button to lower the platform and when he took his hand off the button, the platform didn't stop moving, which it was supposed to. and apparently he sliced his leg open almost all the way to the bone. yummy!

slow news day i guess.

100!!!

2006-04-24T12:30:00.000-07:00

yay!!!

have i reached syndication yet? no? yes? i dunno...

woohoo!!!

how did i celebrate? i tried my very first peep. now my teeth hurt. i don't get what all the fuss is about... i mean.... it's just a nasty marshmallow covered in sugar (i had a blue one... it was exciting however i wasn't expecting that much sugar... and only 32 calories! mmm... empty-rific.) they really don't taste like anything at all except tooth decay and gingivitis.

all in all i give it a... c +. the diorama's are entertaining but the flavour leaves something to be desired.

this weekend our annual exhibition was held at the botanical gardens.
i got sunburned and boy are my arms tired (haha) from carrying around sbf's son miggy who isn't seven months yet and already weighs 25 lbs. he's a big boy! and he's SO cute i lurve him to death i just do! he was eating some of my portugese doughnut (read: fried dough covered in sugar and grease... drool) and lovein it.
we got to see these giant pigs that were just so immensely huge and smelly they were cool... cuz i mean, how could they not be? mm... giant smelly piggy... and the goats, as well as huge chickens, rabits, pigeons (yes... people breed pigeons still) and one increadibly pissed off looking turkey.
there was food everywhere and horse jumping and pony racing and they retired some ponies and some gorgeous orchids and roses and vegetables and vegetable critters and... and... and... you get the hint. i haven't been to the exhibition in years and it was totally fun. i'm good for the next five i think.

the wedding on thursday was wonderful... i have so many pictures that i haven't downloaded from the camera yet but will get to it. there were about 25 people, including the wedding party and it was at this nice restaurant (read: pricey) and they had buffett with, what else, mac and cheese. my brother was the best man. and to my surprise, i actually cried a little while they were exchanging vows and stuff and then again when my brother did his little, completely unprepared toast. weddings are beautiful things- two people who have lived separate lives joining together as one... sigh... i'm getting a little misty just thinkin about it! my mom was gettin ideas but i think my dad would rather i wait till... o... let's say... never? no, i'm sure he'd like it if i had little babies running around. he's going to make a great grandfather one day, despite what we may think of him.

picture time!

"hey lady? yea... you... uh... i just wanted a little peace and quite by the door here? could you like maybe.. fuck off for a bit or something? cuz... yea... just go."

"you know if you just put... no i said put... you're not listening... i'm telling you it'll sound better if you do it my way.""way cool... way... *click click*"

hot cross buns. that i made. well... br sorta did most of the hard work... what with the need to kneed (ha! i'm so funny) and all that... they burned on the botted but you can't see that from this image can you? i shouldn't have told you they burned.

hot cross buns with the crosses on them. mm... sacraligious! these are absolutely delicious with a thick layer of butter and a couple slices of hard cheddar cheese. my tummy is grumbling now... :( i want a hot cross bun!

"you make me so tired..."

my day so far...

2006-04-21T09:58:00.000-07:00

... to really understand my day so far, we have to work our way back a few hours to last night, when i attended my cousins wedding.

first of all, i couldn't find anything to wear, i felt too fat and not dresy enough. i opted for the tried and true brown gauchos, white shirt that's open in the front, green tank underneath and leaopardprint high heeled sandles. i felt completely underdressed.
my parents picked br and i up at about 5 15. we were due at the restaurant at 5 30. we also had to go through rush hour traffic.
we get there and take some pictures of my brother (best man) in his suit, and my cousin (groom) in his tux. they both looked handsome (pics next week).
the bride's side of the family is a little..."large"... and i was thrown off a bit but i guess she's like a diamond in the rough.
i cried a little during the wedding, which i didn't expect, but it was pretty beautiful.
anyway. we waited forever once they had finished the ceremony for them to get their pictures taken. tired and hungry, the drinking commenced. food came shortly after their arrival.
by about 8 30, 9 00, my dad was drunk. he doesn't get drunk and he wasn't sloppy or anything but his head was spinning and he wanted to go home. i felt bad for him because he was just really enjoying himself and got a little carried away. he was completely embarrassed. poor daddy.
we had to wait for the gombey's to dance (local dance troupe that dressup crazy- pictures forth coming)... and then my parents went home and my brother took br and i home, so he and his girlfriend could see where we live and meet the cat. (they like him cuz he's cute)
napoleon didn't want to cooperate and wuoldn't let me sleep- at about 5 this morning he decided to get into the cupboard above the fridge and fuck around with all the bottles of pills and alcohol that's up there. i couldn't reach him so i had to get br up to get him out and we locked him in the bathroom and he proceeded to whine and complain and throw himself against the door.
i don't know when i fell asleep but i know i slept through brian's alarm for the first time in my life.
he went to leave and i decided to sleep in until 8 (he gets up at 6 and leaves around quarter to, and i normally get up at about 10 past) but his fu*king bike decided to break so he had to take mind and i would have to go with his mom who leaves at 10 to 8 to take his sister to school. i got out of bed, showered and changed. then he texted me to say, "you can go back to sleep my mom will take you in for 9". i was pissed but of course i went back to sleep.
then he called. then his mom called and asked me if i wanted to go to the post office because a package arrived. i thoguht i was going to have to wait until monday so i got excited and jumped up and got my package and didn't have to pay duty and ripped it open in the car and it's my wonderful sweater that i can't wait to take home and try on and is just sitting on my desk begging for attention. that was the best part of my day.
then it all went down hill.
it's hot as hell outside and there's no air conditioning in the shoe box building that i work in, it's broken. there's only one door and loud fans. stoopid fucking air conditioning. i also got all dressed up today because there was supposed to be a prize giving tonight at my job but it was postponed and no one told me. so now i'm all dressed up with no where to go and i'm sweltering.
and brian has the bike so i can't go home and take the nap that i desperately need. and i haven't paid any bills.

but i have a REALLY great sweater and an awesome ring that my best friend made me in jewellery making class. i will take pictures when my battery is charged and post them. i have so many pictures to post.

i thought my day was going worse but i guess it's not that bad, except for i'm about to pass out on my keyboard.

material whore

2006-04-18T07:20:00.000-07:00

let it be known to the masses that i am a material whore. not girl, whore. i would probably sell my soul for stuff, even if it were indescript and gorey. i would. i would sell it.
so anyway... on the heels of my latest purchase (images forth coming) that apparently arrived on the island yesterday (*eeeeeee*)... i have decided to make a few new purchases.

as br thinks i spend too much money, i decided to run the idea past my mom:

me: do you feel like buying me shoes and a sweater?
mom: what for?
me: i dunno, just because...
mom: hahaha
me: it was worth a try...
mom: okay... i'll put some money in your account right now
me: *shocked inhilation of breath* really??
mom: really... just because

so. i am soon to be the proud owner of a new pair of
one of these...
and this...

skull fetish much? in the immortal words of tom tucker from channel five action news "only slightly... only slightly"...

i dunno what it is about the jolly roger but i am obsessed with it. and stars. yea...

for jamie

2006-04-17T13:27:00.000-07:00

as mentioned by jamie, i have not posted in a while. this is because my whore of a boss decided to go on and have her baby and has left me here to cover her work and mine for three months while she *puke* spends time with him.

of course i think he's an adorable baby and i don't mind the extra work or stress, it's good for me and good for my resume, *not to mention i'll be able to ask for a sweet little up in pay when she gets back...cha-ching*

so to conclude the last post...

here it is... my iminent death, just waiting to happen (i hope it's not today too... it's a little overcast) :

roscoe!

you are scared! you are frightened! he is... well... he's just a peugot luxor scooter. that's all... nothing really ferocious about him. it's the roads that scare the hell out of me (they're really twisty and wind-y and scary) and the other assholes that are "using" them. cuz passing on the inside is the *in thing* now. and having a death wish... i forgot about that.

i am constantly in fear when i travel to and from work on that thing... i feel like the wheels are going to go right out from underneath me. i go about... 45-50 kmph... which is roughly 30 or so mph. yea. slow. you could probably walk faster than me. but that's kew... it's all good. i like my life thankyouverymuch.

i had a bad accident in 2004 and ever since then i've become more and more paro about travelling (and other things but that's another blog for another time).

it's worse when it rains because all i have to protect my person is, you know... nothing and a helmet. there are no sides to that... do you see? no sides! if a car drives by and goes through a puddle, you are SOL my friend, your shit is soaked through. and don't even think about turning around to go home, because then you will be L.A.T.E. and you will have to S.P.E.E.D. it's a prerequisite.

people like to tail gate me, which i think is ludacris because if i slide out, their front and rear tires are going to be leaving tread marks all over my front and rear body, which is pretty and i'm not sure i want it marred in that way. open caskets being the rage nowadays and all

i slow down. it pisses them off. i think several people have turned off to go a different way so they don't have to be stuck behind me. i laugh and continue on my merry way. but yes... my fears are founded... i'll probably get over them, or else they will get worse as i stew in my own paro little universe

hopefully this week i will be posting more... with blurry drunk pictures from thursday (sadly, br and i got into a fight so the drinking ended before midnight and there are none of my fabulous one handed signature group shots... you know the ones where i just hold the camera at arms lenght and fit all 18 gajillion people in the frame? i'm good at those...) and gooey deliciousness from easter.

o yea. and some more gratuitous cat shots.

*bam!* there ya go! cat!

"i'm crazier than that damn bike, and you know it. tell them how i opened the fridge. *tell them*. and about how i steal fish from the pot, even though it's not cooked and salty as hell. yes. that's right, it was salty and i licked all off it and dragged it through the bathroom just to spite you..."

add in: *i totally and completely almost forgot to thank jamie for fixing my blog so it doesn't make me want to be violent anymore! she rocks! and because she does... she is going to be receiving interestingly insightful postcards of bermuda... the island paradise.*

and maybe if i can muster up some change something a little more exciting than postcards. cuz postcards? they're woo hoo and all but nothing says thank you like rum filled chocolate cake...*drool*

i have predicted my own death

2006-04-11T11:06:00.000-07:00

not in a backdoor, hippie smelling palm reader type of way... or with the same clarity one might find in the reputable psychic john edward's readings...

but it is valid non the less.

i cannot discuss it now for it is raining outside today and it's bad luck to talk about something because it might get mad at you and then actually make the prediction come true sooner rather than later.

as you can see i have not sorted out this blogger thing yet i think it hates me.

in other news, i'm addicted to 24 and the bad acting found there in. yes, sad but true... i'll lite up on that anyday

thanks to miss kendra (see today's post) and viva las vegass (see april 8 post) i have come to my senses and am boycotting the couch jumper also known as tom cruise . he always seems to have that vacant, sort of glazed over look in his eyes... he's plotting something people... PLOTTING.

beware the tomkat.. they just *might* attack you... but silently.

collapse

2006-04-10T11:48:00.000-07:00

i just don't feel organised today.

maybe it's cuz of the rain... or maybe it's cuz my hair looks like poo warmed over (yes i said it... poo warmed over)

i need a mee day but thanks to my whore of a boss going off and having her damn son (who is gorgeous by the way) i'm afraid to have a day off for fear of my department cracking under the stress of all the crap they want me to do.

sun? come back please? i need a tan... and something to drink. preferably with alcohol and from a tall glass.

i just bought pink's new cd, i'm not dead, it's actually quite good... her's and ameries (because i decided i needed to face my nemesis head on every day) and it's also surprisingly good... well not surprisingly i knew she knew what she was doing...

my pages are coming together nicely (those pages being for the teen supplement that our paper is putting out)... i'm so excited that when it prints i will take pictures of it and post them so you can all see how great i am...

anyway. i am bored and miserable. also hungry. i must get food.

these are the loins of my fruit

2006-04-06T10:46:00.000-07:00

...well... maybe just the one on the left... but the one on the right helped a little. they are two halves of a black and white cookie- which proves to the world that i am not white (okay i totally have nothing wrong with being white right, because well, my mom's a solid white-y... and she's kewl) but that i am ... *mixed*.
they are two halfs that make the one beautiful whole that is me...
where does this come from you may ask? well... it's a big thing down here, being of "mixed race". it's not that people are being racist when they call me "white"... it's just that i feel they are not recognising the other half of me... the half that gives me brillo hair in the front (seriously... it's like one in every million idiots born with fucked up hair like mine. my hairdresser said so.... although not in so many offensive words...)
and it's sometimes a challenge when filling out CURE forms (it's an acronym for some race thing in the workplace... i've only filled out three, the last being a year ago so i just don't remember)... you gotta be like, i can't tick white cuz i'm not... and i can't tick black cuz i'm not... i'm not really other... so i like to put down "st.david's islander" and then people understand... (cuz we kewl like that)
my dad thinks that somewhere a long the line, someone came from venezuela and gave birth to a bunch a babies who then gave birth to more babies. i have a huge family, although they aren't all really close... like what you'd consider immediate. but there's *lots* of them... and people can normally tell where i'm from because our ... i guess you could consider it a brood... from st. david's, at least the true st. david's islanders... had light skin (not white but not brown), curly hair and light coloured eyes. see my dad? he's the only one in his family that has brillo hair. i used to ask him all the time what the hell happened. my hair doesn't do anything like normal people hair. nothing applies to it and everything does. i'd have to get a bajillion products just for one day.
how did this turn into a rant about my hair?
o... the hair is a big tell for people who are racially inclined (meaning those people who have nothing better to do than try to figure out what you are and where you come from before they actually have to speak to you)... that and the ass. which some consider a blessing. it's more of a curse.

all in all, i'm pretty happy to be who i am. luckily, i haven't suffered through much racism (althoguh br does and i feel sorry for him... sadly he's known as a "rich white bermudian" which has connotations all it's own... you know them private school kids always gettin into trouble) and i get the best of both worlds. i appreciate the implications of ignorance and racism, and feel like i can understand both sides of the story. i like to think i've got a pretty firm handle on the world. just not on everyone else. which is why i'm going to pull a hitler and... o... i've said to much.

anyway. i'd be happier if i had turned out like o... say... amerie (native american indian and african american i believe)*she's just so hawt*, or ms berry (african american and caucassion british-ian...), or even the classy and timeless *puke* mariah (seriously with that one i'm just trying to save your gag reflex... we know mariah. put them away already)

but i'm quite content to be pretty little me...
p.s on april 2 br and i totally celebrated our one year being together. and we went to see the hasty puddings play the night before and i drank a lot all weekend... and i haven't stopped.

i did a survey

2006-04-03T07:57:00.000-07:00

*LOVE, SEX AND ROMANCE QUIZ*
How many true relationships have you had?:	2- but i like to imagine the first one didn't happen
Have you ever been in love?:	yes
What's your idea of a perfect date?:	i don't know, but good food, good conversation and good wine are a must... maybe in paris
Where's your favorite place to be kissed?:	neck
How many sexual partners have you had?:	... i'd rather not say. you know... <10
How many people have you kissed?:	countless
Do you like to make the first move?:	it depends... now it goes both ways
Are you a snuggler?:	o yea
Do you kiss on the first date?:	of course
Where is the best place you've ever hooked up?:	uh... i really can't say
Do you consider yourself to be romantic?:	sometimes... i am a big softie
Would you ever pay someone for sex?:	ya right. i don't need it that badly
Would you ever let someone pay YOU for sex?:	depends on the price, but a whore's a whore right?
Do you keep your eyes open when you kiss?:	sometimes
What was your most embarrassing sexual moment?:	hm... there are probably a few... that i'd rather not mention
Have your parents ever caught you in a compromising position?:	yes. it's one of the embarrasing moments... and it spured my independance
Have you ever performed a striptease?:	no
How about a lapdance?:	no
Have you ever received a lapdance?:	no
Do you like sexual contact?:	lurve it
Are you straight, gay or bi?:	straight
Have you ever made out with a member of the opposite sex?:	yea once... in an alley
Are you a giver or a taker?:	giver
What do you look for in a girlfriend/boyfriend?:	good looking, humor, intelligence, patience
Do you think you've met the person you'll spend the rest of your life with?:	yes
Do you know who your bridesmaids and groomsmen would be?:	it's a long list that i have to whittle down
Have you ever regretted a hook-up?:	yes
Have you ever cheated on a significant other?:	yes
Have you ever hooked-up with someone already in a relationship?:	yes... but i was drunk at the time. that's my excuse and i'm sticking to it
Have you ever cried over a member of the opposite sex?:	o god yes all the time
Have you ever had your heart broken?:	yes and no...
Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?:	yes... hence the i was drunk at the time that's my excuse and i'm sticking to it.
Would you date or marry someone if your parents didn't accept them?:	yes. love is what matters
How about if your friends didn't accept them?:	never again. i wasted three good years of my life on someone my friends didn't accept.
What's the worst relationship you ever had?:	that one where i wasted three years of my life and i wish he would contract vd and die
Have you ever done anything sexual while on the road?:	hence the i was drunk at the time... yea all the time
Would you kiss someone if you didn't love them?:	you have to love someone to kiss them? i'm going to hell then
Who told you all about sex?:	i honestly don't remember. probably osmosis
Are you always horny?:	no... but he is
Are you a flirt?:	i don't think so
Are you a tease?:	i have been known to tease on occassion
Do you prefer to chase or BE chased?:	depends
Do you prefer morning or evening hook-ups?:	BOTH
Have you ever pulled an all-nighter with a member of the opposite sex, and woke up in each others arms?:	every night (sigh) puke
How old were you at the age of your first kiss?:	ha... like i remeber that
How old were you when you lost your virginity?:	17
Do you sometimes wish you could change that?:	sometimes... i would wait
Do you enjoy being in a relationship?:	i love it
Are you currently in one?:	yes
Has anyone ever fallen in love with you?:	uh huh...
Have you ever said "I Love You" and not meant it?:	yea...
Are you "noisy" when you get heated?:	i have been known to get noisy on occassion
What is your kissing pet peeve?:	noise. i HATE when people make smacking noises. hate it. and ash tray breath
Do you think you're a good kisser?:	yes, i get a lot of practice
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

vapid expression

2006-04-03T07:12:00.000-07:00

if you would like to lose ten minutes of your day and die a little inside like i did... please read this... *post*... by dr. whoami...

http://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=14185711&postID=114347517357508828

i promise you nothing more than an empty feeling in the centre of your head...

i'm an audi tt... which means i rock

2006-03-27T07:58:00.000-08:00

I'm an Audi TT!

You're not the fastest, nor the most nimble, but you're cute and you have style. You're not intensely competitive, but when you pass by, everyone turns to look.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz